As you recall – in a terrible slump of mid-life wonderings back in June, I turned to my Animal Spirit cards and looked for some kind of guidance.
Which gave me Black Panther – “Passion – Follow It” advice – -
My passion is taking each day as it feels right – perhaps reading/writing all day – maybe wearing myself out on a landscape/gardening project and laying on the coach re-watching 500 Nations, or Ken Burn’s The West by 2 in the afternoon, because I overdid – – or blissfully thumbing through the 10 Native Plants/Xeriscaping/Perennial Gardening books awaiting reading on my coffee table – -
Please, Please let my chosen Passions pay the bills….
As an experiment – I’ve dutifully shuffled the cards (with the backs to me, so I can’t cheat, thank you very much) numerous times this past month -
(If I were to cheat, you’d be seeing statistically significant amounts of Buffalo showing up – which touts Abundance, but which I choose to see as a sign I’m about to win the lottery, in obscene amounts fashion, even if I haven’t bought a ticket….)
What’s The Score, you ask?
Black Panther dutifully jumps out of the deck due to my clumsy shuffling technique, 13 out of 14 times in a 3 week period – -
Scientific, Statistician and Behavioral Psychologists will all give you very convincing reasons why this means nothing -
But, really, what do they know?
These past few months, debt reduction and landscaping/gardening money has come from building websites.
Whine – – I don’t want to be a Website Designer! I do this as a way to serve those in my community – – It’s my contribution that gives me some extra and gives small organizations an affordable option….
(Okay, so that’s not entirely true – I hate to see any Average Joe/Jane struggling to do their job with antiquated or poorly designed tools – I want them to be free of mind-numbing, repetitive tasks utilizing a tool built by a Geek that knows everything about code and data integrity and squat about the daily realities of the end-user….Fine! You Got Me! I am passionate about that….)
What of the 1 out of 14?
Frog – Declutter/Detoxify -
I cleaned my desk – organized my hundred scribbled Post-It’s -
Just in time for a clean area to be available for the new avalanche of….
For now, I’ll go with the flow – even if I’m not entirely thrilled with the idea of Website Builder being my moniker for life….
Okay – Universe – I heard and am obeying – – Now, how about getting those raspberry bushes I couldn’t afford to order until too late, back in stock?
I do enjoy doing websites, I just rail against anything being my whole life – – against anything that requires schedules, deadlines, etc.
One of the teller’s at my bank has the following quote on her desk:
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ~ Douglas Adams
I can relate.
I still struggle with living up to the expectations of our modern world/culture -
Perhaps, I’m just a rebel at heart – you know the type – goes against the flow just to prove they can – – -
Or maybe, I’m just not focused enough – maybe I have a Fear of Success, that bane of First Born Children, whose name numerology isn’t a good match for their Sun Sign or birth date – -
Or perhaps, I’m just like everyone else and railing against the fact that we have calendars, clocks and expectations – -
But maybe, just maybe, this is simply a block of time/experience that will all be made clear to me later – – when the Universe unfolds, just as it should and I look back and say,
“Ah-Hah! Of course! It simply had to happen that way, else I would have missed out on (insert Fantabulous experience)”
Who knows? I mean really, who the heck knows for sure – no dilly-dallying, no qualifications – just a resounding,
“Yes – It is unfolding exactly and you cannot make a mistake if you follow your gut, the brain full of information, the heart full of faith & hope – but most importantly – the soul that realizes ’tis better to do that which is placed before you than hunting around for the green grass on the other side of the fence you mistakenly think ought to be mowed.”
So now I’ve caught up with the various items I wanted to share with you these past few weeks – – I miss you and can’t wait for reading WordPress blogs to become my new Paying Passion – – :)
Not that I’m going to wait for that – but give me till the end of the month to get caught up, -k-?
My brother, sod-hay-soon-to-be-grape-farmer extraordinaire once told me,
“All the old-timers have it right, Sis. It always rains about 10 seconds before it’s too late.”
Nothing is lost, here, not really – My irrigation lines from last year still lie in the shed – – the new parts I ordered in April for this year’s expansion area plan still lie on the Ironing Board in the package that was shipped to me – – I finally opened it and made sure I got what I ordered – as if I could remember that far back what the heck parts I thought I needed – -
Perennials have been watered when their wilted leaves greet me of an afternoon – I walk among them, look at the sky and say, okay – probably not a good idea to wait for Mother Nature to take care of it today – – – I admit, I got spoiled by our wet (for us), cool (for us) June – -
I’ve hand watered a total of 4 times since April – – Mother Nature has blessed us this year and we weren’t into burn bans and yellow prairie by June 2nd – -
Lest you think me lazy or irresponsible, Mother Nature has been informed of my experimental personality – It’s not that I particularly like killing plants on purpose, but I’m trying hard to surround myself with those who like living where I do – who can roll with the punches life delivers and come up fighting – -
If I can blog from the Great Beyond, I’ll let you know if this life choice was understood and deemed okay – or if I was condemned for all eternity by my callous disregard for life.
Tonight, I realized – one more day and I’ll need to water – -sighing, I berated myself for not taking time to get my micro-irrigation system back online – that snazzy system that allows me to turn on the hydrant, walk around every 30 minutes or so, switching zones, and then – done, for another week – -
A sound lurks – – I turn down the Season 1 episode of Rocky & Bullwinkle that I’m relaxing to, as I drink a glass of wine and contemplate website functionalities, irrigation systems and why I’m such a procrastinator….
Oh – the sound – yes, it wasn’t the fan – – – or the freezer – – – But it must be tracked down, because since the stroke, if I hear a sound I can’t identify, I go quietly insane….
And then, I open the back door – – – and lean against the jamb, watching the gentle washing, cooling, hydrating power of the sky – quietly, I murmur ….
“Thank you, Mother. You’re always just in Time and I’m so grateful for your Generosity. As are my plants – the ones I planted, but entrust to your wisdom…”
I would like to give you pictures of the landscaping projects that are in process – – or have been accomplished….
Or show you how high the Jerusalem Artichokes and Sunflowers are, or how beautiful the fantabulously drought-tolerant Golden and Burgundy Amaranths are -
Alas – despite my best intentions, I had little website work in June and now, 3 sites to get up and out for approval by end of next week – -
An existing customer called a few days ago and asked for some documentation for their funding resource – seems what I previously provided was impressive in it’s low cost, but they’d like to have another meeting and have new pages that are clearly marked as to which phase we are doing when – -
They are dragging their feet – says I – They’ve had this information since April – – You continue to pay out of pocket each month, as they ask for more stats, watermarked estimates, etc…..
This is why any business I launch is paid for by me – – -too much time/trouble convincing investors and the time spent jumping through their hoops could be put to good use actually BUILDING something -
Alas, I always gravitate towards business ideas that rely on my own brain, skill, know-how and existing tool set – – Not everyone is so lucky – there are those grand ideas that need funding for buildings, equipment, R&D, prototypes, etc….
Now that you know the history, my customer advised, part way through the conversation, as I added the required text to each phase estimate and cut/pasted the documents into one long historical document, for their printing convenience, he said,
“Well, you just have to deal with ID 10 TS’s”
And, swear to gawd! I did not get it until I wrote it down – – Sheesh! I need a vacation – – -
I realized I had once more slipped into Dereliction of Duty status here at WordPress when Sue left a comment to check and make sure she wasn’t missing my new posts in her email inbox and to make sure I hadn’t died – – Thank You, Sue! You make me feel so loved and cared for!
(Want to see amazing art and gardens? Check out Sue’s slice of cyberspace!)
And so, dear friends, neighbors and family here at WordPress – I’m once again working my tail off – trying to keep ahead of the curve ball and failing to take pictures of anything as I race from one project to another – -
But I’m doing my meditation and heat lamp treatments religiously – -
I’m only working a max of 14 hour at a time and making sure to get a good night’s sleep – -
And I’m slowly, but surely, implementing lessons learned from the past…
Except for how durn long it takes me to get caught up when I don’t log in and read every day!
Hope this finds you well and I’ll catch up with your world here soon – feel free to leave a comment, begging me not to leave 23 likes and 8 comments on your blog all at one time, at the end of July, when I can luxuriate in reading all day long once more …..
You ask and I swear, I’ll space them out to one a day – – :)
In some attempt to remove the oily gunk disguising my soul -
I reach for my Animal Spirit cards -
Hopeful I may find some guidance in just what to do -
Never one for learning the finer art of complex layouts and meanings -
I simply remove them from the generously autographed box -
And shuffle until one jumps out and tells me -
What’s What -
Because it is a sign from the Spirits and not
a symptom of clumsy hands -
Black Panther greets me – with one word – “Passion”
And tells me if only I will listen to my heart’s desire -
And follow the path of that which I was born to do -
All will be well.
Hmmm – -
Shall I go to school in hopes of someday becoming a Librarian Extraordinaire -
Because I love information and books -
But just how does me being a hermit fit in with public service?
Shall I focus on becoming a website guru -
moving from the niche
‘Priced for those who can’t do it themselves and can’t afford a real website designer?”
“Making more money than I know what to do with”
though I’m not a graphic artist, one whit?
And know just enough to get myself into trouble -
And give locals on tight budgets a well indexed, but artistically bland presence on the web?
Perhaps I shall pour my heart and soul into my garden of eden -
Become Lady Bountiful to those who are hungry in my neighborhood -
And charge reasonable fees for fresh food to those who can afford it -
Conversely, I could just sit and finish the 7 works-in-progress manuscripts-
Dutifully upload, create and update social media accounts
To announce to the world I’ve finally decided I shall be a writer -
This spin on the reincarnation wheel -
All these options I contemplate -
While a still, small voice whispers
“Do you really love any of these enough to make them your whole life?”
Regretfully, I acknowledge my Passion -
Skipping from one thing to the next -
Bouncing from one idea to another -
Trying a little bit of this and that, for you know,
Life is too short, already, without further restricting yourself -
And that is that -
I may follow my Passions to my hearts desire -
I doubt my bank account will ever benefit from following
my heart -
This morning, I’m playing Solitaire -
Because laundry is swirling in the washer -
Or drying on the line -
And I still don’t feel like tackling the gunk in my kitchen sink -
I’m trying to beat my best time -
Hard to do, when the mouse feet are fettered -
By months of dust, grime and other unknown films -
I open the new bottle of Rubbing Alcohol,
Grinning as I remember why I bought it -
Seems the child unit thought the previous clear bottle held peroxide -
And dutifully poured the entire bottle over the scrapes on his legs -
Wounds incurred from weeds, tree branches and pellets -
As he and his band of brothers waged an imaginary war -
On the wild plains of the prairie -
Where no one actually dies – and remain friends as soon as “Uncle” is called -
Wars should always be fought with air-soft guns…
And adequate eye protection – -
How he howled and vowed never to use peroxide again -
Soak the cotton with liquid fire -
Swipe over tiny mouse feet -
Turn pure white to grimy black -
as I clean the witness to my neglected garden plans-
And partner in frenzied work to pay for said garden plans -
aka, my desk -
And then resume my game – only to find
The Queen of Hearts blocking my win -
New game – and how fast I stack the deck -
As the mouse skitters across my clean desk -
On pristine feet -
Perhaps I need to wipe the gunk from my soul -
And skitter across my garden -
Or kitchen -
To do that which needs done -
I should rescue my laundry from the approaching rain clouds -
And be satisfied, at least,
are once more clean.
As I beat the Queen of Hearts in 1.05 minutes…
I’m not a poet and don’t I know it! If you want to read real poetry, from a master – Check Out Ed’s End of the Planet Books – to see what a real poet can do! :)
1. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can’t be handled by shouting random words before, during or after another’s monologue – Bubblegum and Bacon are the most effective.
2. Being Altruistic doesn’t make you a Saint – Only be Altruistic if you actually Want To Be.
3. Worrying about who is going to die from too much video games and Dr. Pepper is a waste of time.
4. Being the “Better Person” is a laudable goal, but sometimes, it’s just not worth it – -
5. Society and culture will find a thousand ways to pigeon-hole you – Rail against the Dark!
6. Sometimes, the only response people will notice is if you run while holding scissors.
7. Running with scissors doesn’t always spell Death and Ruin – -
8. When all else fails in the compassion/understanding game, simply ridicule your friends until they understand, through sarcasm, why you think they’re so wonderful and they get that you’ll support them fully in whatever story they’ve chosen to tell about themselves – They will, (most likely and in direct opposition to what your mother thinks will happen) choose a different story once you back them up and agree with them fully on their original one, simply because their original one doesn’t sound so hot….now….
9. It’s never to early or late in the day to take a bubble bath followed by a nap.
10. Being yourself isn’t always easy – and you may have some fights along the way – but it’s still the only way to fly.