Okay, so I’m not in the garden yet. Had one more blog subscription to read and it was sooo good, just had to share:
Anthony Eldridge-Rogers’ The Nature of Connection was a breath of fresh air for me this morn.
Simply because, he explores how our core beliefs are the foundation of how well (or how miserably) we connect with one another.
(Did the last sentence draw a “Well, Duh!” from you? Bear with me…)
What intrigued me was his focus on the core beliefs we hold regarding the person we are supposedly connecting with – which is a topic I’ve been hot on ever since I entered the realm of the ‘we create our own reality’. I’ve been pondering over the past few months how someone who states they do love me could have just said what they did. To my mind, the statements made reflect their core belief about who I am – and those beliefs are, to my mind, incorrect.
Which leads me to another conundrum this a.m. There is a school of thought that states we can never truly know another person. We can only have the story of the person our minds have pieced together given the information they’ve shared with us.
To piece together a story that may actually have some basis in reality, we must actually listen to what the other person is saying, observe what they are doing and try to ensure our core beliefs about the person or their perspective aren’t skewing the story into something that isn’t really true.
There are times I have said to various loved ones in my life, “I can’t believe you just asked me that? Do you really think I’m that (choose one: stupid, heartless, incompetent, selfish, etc.)
The standard reply is, “Of course I don’t, why would you even think that?”
At which point, I’m left with the feeling that perhaps I truly have gone insane and just can’t recognize the fact.
Perhaps an example is in order. Once after trash pickup time, I went out to bring in our trash can, only to find it missing. A look around the street revealed my neighbors’ empty trash cans still curbside (except for the retiree across the way – he’s prompt in returning the trash can to his garage.)
After perusing the various possibilities, I called my husband at work and said, “I know this is going to sound funny, but I think someone stole our trash can.” He laughs, I tell him my observations and he says,
Are you sure you didn’t just put it in the garage already?
Which triggered my, “I can’t believe you just said that,” response.
To my mind, he would have to hold a secret core belief that I’m either stupid, suffering from some mental defect ranging from stress induced short term memory damage to alzheimer’s, or any number of other (unflattering or scary) thoughts that are, to my mind, not really conducive to nurturing a long-term partnership.
He thinks he’s just covering all the possible reasons why our trash can has disappeared. (And he did not once, mind you, mention the Alien Abduction theory)
On the flip side of this conversation – those whom I question as to their core reasons for saying such and such, genuinely seem shocked and amazed that I could even come up with such a thought.
Which begs the thought, do I feel that way about myself and am projecting it onto them? or do I have a core belief those around me are too uneducated and shallow to examine their own reasons for saying such things?
Either way is not too encouraging for my own state of inner health….
I’ve been frequently told I think too much. And that thinking causes most of my problems. I’ve also often begged the Universe to please show me the path to the mute button for my chatty-cathy mind.
On the other hand, I’m pretty good at hearing all the mind chatter that shows me, quite brilliantly, what my core beliefs are – which ones may need a tune-up or simply must be deleted.
I also am aware of which ones could use some encouragement, so they speak up louder next time I need to hear them.
Perhaps connecting with others only truly happens once we’ve connected with ourselves….
In case you were wondering, the missing trash can was actually in front of the next-door neighbor’s curb – seems they forgot to put out their trash and the garbage man had replaced ours closer to their house than ours. Somewhat anti-climatic after becoming convinced aliens were actually interested in what I throw away….