So a tour of other blogs this morning (thanks – you all rock!) landed me in several places where others are aware of the “Two-sided Coin” theory and many, many instances of “Hey, this is me and I’m not such a horrible person….Am I?”
I’ve been struggling with my own set of “You Shoulds” from those in my circle, followed by loving observations on my Character Flaws – which I, mistakenly, thought were Assets.
So for the past few days, I’ve engaged in internal dialogues all regarding: What are my characteristics and Are they Assets or Flaws?
I’ve come to the conclusion all the sides of me are like everything else…
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
My natural tendency to research, plan and be efficient is loved by some and dubbed “Procrastination” by others.
My desire to see the common bonds we all share, and comment often and loudly on such are seen as “Passionately Lovable” by some and “Arrogantly Bossy” by others.
My love of a meandering life that has a simple beauty all of it’s own and to follow wherever the Universe is nudging me is labeled, “Confident Free Spirit, No Bull-Sh** Attitude” by some and “Unemployed who pursues the Non-Productive” by others.
(There have also been accusations of “Fear of Failure” personality type, since I tend to skip from one passion to the next without building an empire out of any of them. I just can’t bring myself to be an empire builder…)
I’ve been really thinking about a statement made by a loving friend who was exasperated by my desire for approval from family members regarding my artistic achievements:
“Why do you consistently look for approval in the very arenas where experience tells you there will be none?”
So true. I tried to master not giving a flip what anyone thought and had a certain degree of success – In fact, I often know when something is right for me and for those around me, because I push forth, knowing X must be done, and caring not a whit what anyone thinks or says.
But that kind of moxie seems to be only available to me in those high-drama life moments – when someone is dying or just died or might die – those kinds of situations seem to clear my head and get me real super-duper focused on what the hell is a priority and I charge forth without doubt or fear.
Nice as that is, I cannot seem to sustain that kind of clarity in the day-to-day running of my life – even though I’ve spent countless hours meditating, pondering and journaling about it –
Instead, in pure self-defense, I’ve worked hard to cultivate friendships with those that span a wide range of beliefs, ideals and goals. That way, when the ‘loving observation’ by one member of my tribe cuts my soul to the quick and leaves me wondering why what I see as uniquely me is so durn offensive to others, I can search through the repository of old conversations and find at least one person who absolutely LOVED that I was that way.
Or I can call and sniffle and whine and have someone say, “Oh, hogwash – they don’t know squat – why that’s the best part of you and the exact reason we are friends.”
Everyone needs a varied tribe – – -it’s the only way to survive our need to lovingly perfect each other.
(This post brought to you on Sunday….which is Superbowl Sunday…which I didn’t know until someone lovingly pointed out my ‘obliviousness’ and gently chided me for not being in touch with reality or informed on current events- – –
Hey! I knew there must be a reason I was finding so many wonderful Hot Wings recipes this morning – I just didn’t put 2 and 2 together….)