A beautiful post by GrandmaSays this morning reminded me of times when I’ve been a “no-hugs” person. I grew up with hugs, give hugs and think everyone can use a hug – – sometimes.
But I’ve also had times when hugs were off-limits and if others didn’t get the body language hint, they received a lukewarm response at best.
It wasn’t that I didn’t need a hug – or that I begrudged them one – it was more a matter of me being on the edge of losing it and I knew that particular moment in time was not the best for doing so. And a sincere, loving hug woulda pushed me over the edge.
Now, I’m well aware of the scientific data proving that hugs and loving touches improve our well-being through triggering the body’s “feel good” hormone and neural responses – That a “good cry” actually helps release the toxic by-products of stress out of your body and keep you from getting ill from their nasty build-up. (Exercise accomplishes the same thing)
My personal experience proves if I put these things off for too long, I will make myself sick…
But I also know there are times when joining the crowd of the shocked, dazed and crying is not what’s best for those involved. What is helpful is people who get what needs to be done…well, done.
Volunteering for that position never occurred to me – – it just somehow happened and over the years, I recognized it as my favorite way of coping with life’s tragedies – – I even became rather a hard-arse about it – – “Hey! There’s plenty of time for crying later – pull up your big-girl panties and get this done, now,” was my favorite way to move through any crisis.
There is a quiet peace in learning that you can traverse through the horrible-awfuls of life and keep it together. A confidence borne from knowing you can pick and choose the time of day Grief shows up to keep you company. And a feeling of accomplishment that you have learned how to fully explore all the thousand-and-one emotions we are capable of, but with the personal discipline regarding when, where and for how long.
No, I’m not a control-freak, but I do prefer believing that I’m the captain of my own ship, rather than the lookout that says, “Ummm… we’re heading straight for an iceberg and I can’t stop it…only comment on it…”
This morning’s post reminded me there are many who never get that downtime or who have so many crisis’ early on, they fail to recognize the place and time where losing it is okay and their surroundings are safe enough to allow for softness, vulnerability and emotional purging.
And, since that breaks my heart, here I sit, crying in front of my keyboard – for all those souls who maybe wanted a hug, but didn’t dare indulge – –
I cry for me too – because you see, it’s Saturday, nothing needs to be done and I don’t feel like jogging…