In January of 2011, I quit smoking after nearly a quarter century of doing so. I chose to use the e-cig, this go around, as patches, pills and potions left me wondering if ever there would be quality of life, again, ever.
In previous posts, I documented my journey – some have found them useful and some have just read for entertainment value.
(“If you must gripe, please gripe creatively”, is my motto and my nicotine withdrawal stories are usually good for a laugh)
So I must, in all honesty confess – yesterday I bought a pack of cigarettes – my first purchase in nearly 2 1/2 years.
Now, since quitting smoking, I’ve gone through a separation and divorce, two moves, financial difficulties out the ying-yang (not yin/yang – I would be balanced, then) and health problems that have left me sitting or lying quietly, waiting for heart palpitations or excruciating pain to pass – meaning, I’m bored, I can’t get up and do anything and what shall I do to pass the time?
Even so, I’ve never considered buying a pack of cigarettes – – though every once in awhile, when a smoking friend visits, I bum one, light it, take a puff and exclaim,
“Wow! Still tastes like crap!”
and then offer to pay them for it, since I just wasted a perfectly good cigarette. For some reason, I still fall into the trap of believing that during my abstinence, they somehow became more tasty.
But yesterday, again experiencing up close and personal the system under which I labor and live, I was driven to that which personal trauma and a chaotic lifestyle could not do -I purchased a pack of cigs.
And lit up one after another, to take a puff or two, wince in disgust and put it out – –
Silly, am I not?
I’ve calmed down now – and since I hate full and complete waste, I’ll dutifully light up each of the 20 cigarettes, take a puff or two and then discard them, instead of just throwing perfectly good cigarettes away.
I’m funny like that.
And if you’re wondering just why I did such a thing as I did yesterday – well, read the next post – my reasons stretched on too long to include in this one…