Noob Marketing

If you ended up here hoping to find marketing advice, move on – nothing to see here.

If you do marketing for a living, perhaps you’d like to stay for the show – everyone can use a good laugh.

Nope, this is one of my famous “warts and all” posts –

I suck at marketing.


You would think that for all the years I ran part-time businesses, helped others to market their business and even the stint I did at an ad agency (the worst 10 years of my life, one summer) I would be somewhat better at this ball game than I am.

I will admit that most of my ‘failing’ at marketing is directly related to my carefully honed and continually re-evaluated Ethics and Values system.

Here’s some reasons why I suck at marketing:

Standard: It takes 7 or more times for someone to see something before they decide they want to buy it.

Me: If I have to nag someone 7 times, either they don’t really need what I’ve got or they are really slow on the uptake.   I don’t think it takes seven times – they knew they didn’t want it the first time I approached them, but after the 7th, they decided it was worth the money spent for me to go away and leave them alone.

Standard: Social media is a must for any good marketing plan.

Me: I really, really don’t want to have to reactivate my deactivated Facebook account – plus, Twitter seems like a lot of work, considering how often I misplace my smart phone and am not in front of my computer.   I think I can make do without.

Standard: Hone your niche and keep on topic.  Engage in follower-building activities.

Me: (whine) Can’t I please just write?  Please?  Don’t make me do this awful, boring, horrendous stuff…. (Sniffle) And why can’t I write about whatever I want?  It’s still me!  Can’t they just skip over the posts they aren’t interested in?

Standard: Make it easy for people to find you.

Me: Yoo-Hoo!  (Waving) Over here!  Hi!   Nice to meet you.  

I’ve written, categorized and tagged.   I’ve read the work of others, “Liked” and commented – – they’ll make their way here when the time is right – or when they need to find out how to get caulk off their hands…


And then, there are the standards lauded by a more recent generation of ‘this is how to make money online”

Standard: Yes, it’s required, but don’t make it easy for people to find the “Unsubscribe” button.

Me: Why on earth would I want to keep someone around who doesn’t wish to be there?

Standard: Just throw up a website, put in a few videos that talk about how incredibly awesome (your product) is and have big RED letters telling people to Act now!  And if they click to leave your page, code your site to pop-up a box asking if they’re sure they really want to miss out on this offer and, just for the heck of it, tell them if they click “Buy Now” they can get it for $15, but if they hit cancel, the price should they re-visit you is now $54.95, $30 more than it was originally – what’s IP addresses for other than tracking and penalizing those wishy-washy can’t make up their mind buyers?

Me: OMG!  You’re kidding, right?  

(I could list a few more of what I see as terrible marketing tactics listed in the .pdf How-To manual my friend plunked down $99 for years ago, but I won’t – – it’s just makes me heartsick to think that this may really be the ‘successful’ way to market…)


While I really strive to make any interfaces I build to be user-friendly (I feel a re-design of my blog area coming on – the header space is taking up too much real estate…) I just can’t get excited about the myriad of marketing strategies – or forcing myself to engage in them.

I prefer the “Field of Dreams” way…

“Build it and they will come…eventually…

If not, build something else…”

P.S. I tagged this the only way I knew how – if you feel led astray by my tagging, well…you’re probably right to be irritated…


20 thoughts on “Noob Marketing”

    1. Yes, I think that’s the main rub for me – while I believe it falls to the marketer to represent the product/service as best they can, I found myself years ago wondering if truth in advertising laws were ever enforced…


    1. Thanks for your visit and taking the time to comment – I’m hoping that someday, the world will straighten up and fly right, so I have no need of engaging in these awful practices… LOL 🙂


      1. Awful practices? Do you mean marketing? I reckon this world isn’t going to straighten up in a hurry! So, it’s okay to siphon off what is needed for life. 🙂


        1. Yes, tongue-in-cheek, I was referring to marketing! They are ‘awful’ because I apparently was born missing the ‘Self-promotion/Marketing’ gene – I’ve tried over the years to follow different strategies to promote my businesses and if it deals with anything other than ‘getting the word out” – (website, flyers, ads, etc.) I flounder and fluster around in soul crushing activity – LOL

          As my motto is ‘play to your strengths’ I gave up trying to mold myself into marketer extraordinaire years ago… LOL


        2. Oh yes, if what I understand it to be is true! I would have to say that while I may not excel at writing pitches, ad copy or engaging in a campaign ‘blitz’ – I do rather well in the arena of interdependent webs of relationship referral practices.


        3. Oh, good – maybe I don’t suck at marketing as bad as I thought, I just needed to put the ‘relationship’ in front and say, “I Am Awesome at that!” LOL
          My first eBook, Inheritances is what led me to ponder the whole marketing subject – here’s the full scoop – Almost There

          In trying to figure out how to have a discounted price for WordPress world (because of all the awesome folks here), and knowing that I’ve already lingered too long in front of the computer instead of working on my garden project (although Mother Nature has aided my writing by giving us a cold spring), meaning, I want to upload and hope something good happens while I’m digging in the dirt (goal of being the Market Garden for my community come 2014!) I decided to not mess with further research on how to do discounts, etc., at Amazon and just offer it here at a lower price –

          After I did the post, I got some views that led me back to other writer’s blogs and in further reading, felt the urge to share my marketing shortcomings…one writer recently published her work and is already contemplating whether she should walk around with a sandwich board or not – – LOL

          For the self-publisher, this is definitely a topic to be aware of and all my musings led me to write this post…


        4. Definitely interested in your musings as a self-publisher, as I have just ‘self-published’ my daughter’s first short story through, and my first colouring book is under review and almost ready to hit the e-store too. So marketing will be the next big adventure. Sharing tips will be great! 🙂


        5. Well, not sure how much my musings will actually help, but if nothing else, they should be good for a laugh while taking a break from ‘real marketing’ activities! LOL
          Haven’t waded through all the comments/reader yet, but did click on the home page of your site – Nice! Look forward to perusing your work as soon as I get some pesky ‘paid work’ out of the way..LOL
          You know what I miss? Those coloring books full of geometric/repetitive designs. Years ago, a beloved co-worker and friend bought me a couple of them and a pack of markers (the artists pack with like, 100 different shades!) and I worked my way through all those books – I haven’t seen them in years – but boy, would I love to have one of those to work through again!



        6. So far I have simple geometric shapes. Look under the link at the top of the front page called “Mandalas.” Wish I could see exactly what kind of geometic/repetitive designs you mean. I saved some children’s school books on geometry that have some beautiful repetitive designs on them… Inspiring! There may be some of those in the pipeline. 🙂


  1. oh wow….the back and must of been hell. I wonder who is the clear winner. I am pretty good at marketing, then again you have to pest people, in which I hate to do….then again required. smh


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