Memory

My dad was blessed with eidetic memory – he not only could tell you the story of (fill in the blank with just about anything you choose), but it was never told along the lines of “In the early 12th century, towards the springtime…”

Nope – “On May 23rd, 1201, the battle forces moved out – it had rained heavily that year, making the movement of the troops slow going…” was more like it.

Yes – He always won our Trivia Pursuit games.

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I, too, have a pretty good memory – though mine is not eidetic.   I like to call mine ‘associative memory’.   If I can recall one piece from a moment in time – a sight, smell, sound, touch, thought or feeling – the entire scene will replay through my mind as if it were yesterday.

While some think my memory is above average, I know it is not.   I simply have learned multiple ways of accessing stored information. There are gaps in the memory of my life – especially when  I was too ill to care or take in what was going on around me.

But for the most part, my memory is fairly good – which does have it’s downside…

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This weekend was graduation at our local school.   I did not attend.   The child-unit and I were invited to various graduation parties –  I let him choose which we would go to, as I really didn’t want to go anywhere, but could motivate myself given his wishes.

Both my associative and cellular memories kick in around this time of year – making the period from mid-May to mid-June fraught with emotional and physical complaints.

My son died shortly after graduation and right before his birthday.  Try as I might, time, meditation and healing have not completely eradicated the lingering symptoms I experience each spring.

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I was amazed to discover this weekend that while I can fully remember the Celebration of Life party we held on what would have been his 18th birthday, the sharp memory stabs of his graduation night and funeral are fading.   Glimpses and pieces swirl about, without the accompanying pain and yearning I feel when other memories come to the fore.

Since I pick whichever story is best for me, I conclude that Time is healing me, year by year –

And so here soon, I shall emerge from my trip down memory lane – complete with the knowledge of what has been laid to rest and what is left to heal.

Another year stretches before me before the lilacs, springtime weather and graduation announcements entice me down memory lane again.  365 days in which to love better, surrender with grace to that which I cannot do anything about – 12 months for Mother Nature to continue her reconstructive surgery on me.

If the past few are any indication, next year will be easier than this past one.

June - 23 Years Ago
June – 23 Years Ago
Graduation Night  5 years ago
Graduation Night
5 years ago
June - 5 Years Ago
June – 5 Years Ago

 

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19 thoughts on “Memory”

  1. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through…..and thank you for sharing. It relates as well, to the post on “water”…. dealing, viewpoints, the reality of life what-ever it may be. Our stories may not be the same, but within the human community, we all share part of it.

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    1. Yes, Exactly! That’s why I write what I do – we are never alone in our travails – but sometimes, in our culture, it feels as if we are. I think sometimes we’ve become so successful at improving our lot in life, we have lost some of our skills in dealing with the less fun sides – – but, there’s always a different story to tell, if only you’re willing to make up one…
      😀

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    1. Thank you, Linda – I almost didn’t post, but figured if I’m going to post the successes, might as well post the struggling times, as well – as being ‘authentic’ is so very high on my list of things to be…

      The main thing I’ve learned over the past few years is that you can support yourself and actively work towards healing, but that doesn’t automatically translate into a shorter journey… 🙂

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