Today was the anniversary of Morgan’s passing – I knew it was coming – I wrote what I’d learned in the last year – I tapped, I meditated, I took extra self-care time, I planned my week out – I signed up for the Hay House World Summit – I had a plan!
It still sucked – and worse, one of my very bestest buds from high school – you know the one you went fishing, car racing and drinking beer with? (yes, I was never a Girly Girl and no, we never raced cars and fished at the same time) – passed away yesterday – –
The local rumor mill has him either doing yard work or playing with his kids in his back yard – collapsed – DOA –
It has shocked the community, because he is too young… I’m thinking about all the relatives I cared for and watched die from cancer and silently hoping when I go, I go like he did.
So now, June 2nd is when my ‘too young’ friend died, June 3rd is when my ‘too young’ son died, June 7th is a birthday we no longer celebrate and Father’s day is this month, as well…
My dad died in April – June is still when I mourn him – because Hallmark reminds me I no longer have a Dad to give 4 fantabulous cards too, because I couldn’t pick just one…
I found a card one year – staged in circa 1800’s mode – stern looking males in black, non-smiling females in full skirts – no one is smiling, because everyone is tired of sitting still with their head in a vise for the 20 minutes required for that era of photography…. The inside reads
“Never is there as much fun, laughter and gaiety as our family get-togethers”
I bought it and mailed it, because I knew Dad would get it.
When he passed away, in the bottom drawer of his dresser, there was the pile of flannel handkerchiefs I made for him when chemo, radiation and oxygen therapy made his nose/skin so sore – -and this card. I never signed it, because I told him he might like to give it to someone else – he kept it and never gave it away. That drawer also held the wallet and belt I made for him when I was nine years old and in 4H leather crafting. Mom said he always saved them – saying they were ‘too pretty to use’ – whether true or not, I care not….
I vowed not to come to WordPress these 10 days – simply because while I strive to be authentic in my blog – there are times I’m so down, I just don’t think it’s a good idea to post. The world is full enough of the dark, bleak and gruesome – why add to it?
But I had to post tonight – because I just finished the interview at Hay House with Lissa Rankin.
Who Is Awesome.
The biggest thing I took away from her talk was the need for support while healing. I realized so many of my traumas have been traversed alone. While surrounded by those I chose to support, but did not ask anything of, because I figured they had enough on their plate without me asking for things from them…
I found myself alone while living through my worst nightmares…and,at some point, I got so used to it, my new story was,
“I’ve done it alone before, I can do so again.”
But tonight, while pondering this decision, I realized that for months, I have not been alone.
Because of you.
So just a quick log-in and post to say, Thank You, for being my support network.
For believing in my dreams and aspirations.
For being willing to ‘visit’ via comments way past your bedtime and mine…
For admitting sometimes you’re tired of it all, too…
And for wondering how I’m doing, when I’m too quiet for too long…
For validating me through listening…
You, bloggers, are my community. You inspire me, encourage me and support me in a hundred different ways.
We may never meet face to face, but I have to let you know…
You Made A Difference – For Me – and I can never thank you enough.