I Hope you Never Find Out

While there are many gifts I’ve been given during my period of “Seven Lean Years”, I often ponder if there could have been an easier way to gain these gifts.   And I really think about this when I’m talking to someone who questions whether they could survive the death of their child or not.

I’m sure they could, but I also hope they never have to find out.

These past few years means more people have gravitated towards me with questions that trigger my ‘hope you never find out’ thought more frequently.  Which causes me some inner incongruence.

Why?  Because of a years-ago experience I had with a friend who confided they were a spirit walker – which I guess, in today’s terms, a medium? psychic?   You know how I struggle with labels, so hopefully, I’ve given you enough options to keep up with the story, which I shall get back too…

Joe was not only my friend, but also my boss at my first-ever job as a radio disc jockey – which is funny, because the radio station was equipped with large tapes of music and didn’t have one disc of vinyl in it.

Now I knew that being friends with your boss was a tight line to walk, but it turned out that Joe was born and raised in the same part of the country as my Mom’s family.  Newly moved across the country for this Program Director’s job, short on finances and recently divorced, he was going to be spending Christmas alone.

Which broke my heart.   So he came home with me to my family for Christmas – and we became friends.


One night, weeks later, we were sitting around, chewing the fat when Joe asked me,

“If you could have one super power, what would it be?”

And I promptly replied,

“That I had the power to heal and fix everything with just a hug.  Think of it – no matter what the problem, I could give someone a hug and WALLA! everything is peachy!”

And then he said the words that still haunt me:

“Well, that’s a pretty selfish wish.”

My idealistic, 19 year old brain was shocked into silence.  I didn’t understand… Selfish?!?  Really?!?  I thought wishing for power and world domination was selfish – what the F was he talking about?

Turns out, what he said made perfect sense and still does.    And even though I realize the truth of the words, I still secretly wish for Hugging Super Power – I just can’t quite let go of the dream that there are easier ways to go about this deepening-of-spirit process…

Courtesy Joe, on why I’m Selfish:

“By taking away the challenges of others, you rob them of the opportunity to grow and learn.   Life is not easy, but there is a gift in the hardness of it.   That gift is the growth of your spirit – your wisdom – your soul.   Hence, if you remove all that is painful or uncomfortable, you’ve also robbed them of  receiving these gifts.”

Joe – where ever you are, I just wanted you to know, I haven’t forgotten.

3 thoughts on “I Hope you Never Find Out”

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