The Lurking Shadow

I admit to being lost in my own writings tonight.   I’ve been away from my WordPress community for so long and yet, tonight, I needed the comfort of reading my own memories.   Funny how grief catches up with you when you least expect it.  Our community lost two young ones and a third is struggling in the wake of two car accidents between last night and this morning.

Ex-Hubby is who was called to investigate.

Child-Unit is the student of one who now walks the path of grief.

And I, knowing full well that nothing I say, do or offer in way of assistance to those who struggle with their unexpected losses can ease the pain in their hearts at this moment in time.  So here I sit, reading and musing over my own journey – saddened at what sorrows and burdens those affected will carry tonight and for some time to come.

I know to the depths of my soul and the tiniest molecules of my cells, these journeys are not a total loss or waste of time.   My own journey has bestowed so many gifts, as will theirs – but I also know how hard it is to recognize and embrace those gifts in the early days.  I yearn to reach out, to offer some consolation, understanding that what we have to offer at these times is often so insignificant against the pain that rages.

And so, now you know why I sit in front of a glowing monitor, not catching up on your world, rather revisiting mine…

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I ponder if there will ever come a day where I can act and speak with compassion to those who recently lost and resist the pulling into a reliving of my own.   To be sure, the pain is less with each visit and I no longer feel knocked assunder when these things occur.

And yet…

I sometimes wonder if our own hurts ever heal enough to not be torn open in empathetic solidarity when we witness the losses of others.

Perhaps it is good that we are wired this way.   Maybe, this is not a flaw to be healed, rather a gift to be embraced and understood.

A gift that guides us to just the right words and acts of service – a wisdom only to be borne in a broken heart that understands.

Reaching the end of my memory wanderings and mental ponders, I realize that gift, alone, is reason enough to wait for the shadow to draw abreast – and listen as it speaks.

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4 thoughts on “The Lurking Shadow”

  1. You understand grief so well. You ability to put into words is beautiful and touching. It is the heaviest of gifts, but gift it is. Only someone like you can truly know and touch the hearts of those who are newly acquainted with the burden of grief.

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  2. Thank You for this blog. It was stated so well. Thank You for being you and writing this. I have contacted all TV stations and El Paso County about Funk Road, which I have not driven in months. If I forget and turn onto it on my way to Calhan I get off as soon as possible. It is a scary road and has been for over a year. Who ever is responsible for the road maintenance in eastern El Paso County should be Fired!

    ________________________________

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    1. County roads in this part of the country are often dangerous – especially for young drivers as you and I both know. Our community has lost so many young ones over the decades to thick gravel and such. From what I gather, there is little understanding of exactly why these accidents occurred, though I imagine the investigations are in early stages at this time.

      My heart aches so for those left behind and I wanted to express my support in some manner – I know of the heartache of unanswered “Why?”s and of the inundation of support that, quite frankly, can sweep over you without actually accomplishing much in the early days – – I hope our community will remember (and act accordingly in supporting our neighbors) that long after we have returned to our ‘normal routines’ those who lost dear ones this week will still walk in a world, that for them, has changed irrevocably.

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