I’m on break –
From those activities that earn a living today –
Dragged kicking and screaming back to Facebook,
Because a customer wanted a page maintained by me,
I do what is necessary, and log out –
And over to WordPress –
To see what I’ve missed,
As I’ve still not recovered from the shock of a new phone,
And have yet to install the WP App –
What if someone was nice and visited?
Do I catch up on my friend’s doings?
No – –
I clicked to view an old post,
To reply sensibly to a recent comment because –
Just what, pray tell, did I think and say, back then?
Has my perspective changed?
Has knowledge then, been refuted now?
No – I can reply easily – it was just my opinion –
And from that old post, duty done, I clicked back through my own related posts –
For two seconds, I’m going to see if what I wrote then has any meaning now –
And relive my recent life through my words –
Time travel, you could say –
The me from a year ago,
3 months ago,
3 years ago
I find myself nostalgic for the days when I woke up
And safely nestled in my jammies –
Seated myself in front of my screen –
And strung words together for hours at a time – –
When manuscripts were dutifully organized and revised and saved –
Characters renamed, because really, Ureenia is so close to Urine…
The time when the secret treasure of words, if held on long enough,
Would turn to gold.
I ache to earn my living from writing, instead of that which I do now –
So much easier!
So much more in tune with who I am…
The voice within whispers, “It’s not ready yet…”
And I close my Scrivener window,
Arguing with myself –
Will I ever heal enough to publish this?
Will my masterpiece ever be pronounced, “Finished”?
And dutifully, I open my time tracker,
To tick-tock while I write content for someone else’s website that goes live next week,
And wonder –
When? When will my heart’s desire be good enough to bill for next week?