Yes – for a short time, I was Zeus’ boss

This is my version of remembered reality cobbled together over various conversations at the time, circa a galaxy & time far away, when my oldest son had died, my marriage/life was falling apart and things were in upheaval – with supporting roles by other actors/actresses that grace my Life Stage.

Blessedly, the hurts of that time are starting to fade for me and them – Granted, my memory of how Zeus came to rest in our household could be from skewed perspective; but since I’m recognized as pack member with best memory and other stage folks don’t regularly check my blog, unless I specifically request ’em to check out the latest story I’m tellin’,  – I’m free to tell my own version of events – 🙂

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Shortly after Me & youngest man-child-unit sought temporary shelter at the place of my birth, (in 2008, as a ‘stop-gap’ measure without long term decisions made on future paths, simply EVERY expert will tell ya, you really shouldn’t make when you’re grieving) – my mom declared,

“The boy needs a dog…”

I replied,

“Yup! and the perfect match for us will show up on our door step, cuz someone chose to dump ’em in what they think is the wild, uninhabited plains or mistakenly thought they were getting even with Kansas for some long ago offense.  Patience! If it is to be, God in form of Dog will show up – we just have to wait for him/her to arrive…and we’ll ready to greet ’em…WHEN they show up.”

Not too long later,  I received a phone call while home alone – friendly voice on the other end:

“Hey! Your mom said to call you and schedule for you to come by and pick up your puppy – do you want to come after school, today?”

“What?!?  WHO is this?….   Uh-huh … Who were you calling?…Well, yes, that’s me, but… Yes, that’s my mom… when did you talk to her?…   Yeah, okay, I’ll pick up the man-child and we’ll be over after school…”

Then called speed dialed Mom, and started blubbering, without a polite, “are you work busy?” disclaimer….

“Umm…I just got a call from Ms. X – asking me to come up and pick out the puppy we want and she said, you said, to call me to schedule – is this true?”

“Yes (she replies) – you said you wanted a dog, and their dog had an unexpected liter, that isn’t pure bred, but it’s 1/2 Blue Heeler…no wait, … Australian Shepherd? – – well you know, one of the ones you like and….”

So, yes,  I took the boy to get a puppy…

Sometimes, other folks’ creation of reality manifests your Universal call to Duty in a way you hadn’t even thought of – and sometimes, you just over-analyze the Universal signs enough to put yourself into a wet-paint corner – Still, years later, trying to figure it out…

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You should know – my mom was greatly traumatized in her childhood by knowledge of those that chose to get rid of unwanted ‘pups and kits’ in really disturbing ways, so, since the current litter arrived via  ‘oops! neighbor male dog got out and found our prized pure bred female’ scenario, I still figure there was some portion of Mom’s brain replaying old memories and too scary for her to think she might inadvertently contribute to evil-doings, at least for one of the litter – by not signing up to handle …

Secondly, although I like animals, and usually, can observe enough and learn enough to provide at least safe-loving space for those four-leggeds that have had a rough go or harsh treatment at the hands of others to heal somewhat (read, adult dog who got hauled into jail (aka, local animal shelter), I’m not an expert, or even apprentice, in any culturally accepted training/obedience training arenas – 

I know (both then and still) about as much about what to do with puppies as I know what to do with an 8 year old two-legged borne of my own loins – I love ya! But, Yes, I’m asking for help from the village for your, “no longer early development, not yet a fun pre/teen – now what do I do?” phases of the ball game – just cuz, I tend to consistently fumble the ball in this arena….

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Man-child and I arrive at said place, and are promptly greeted as we walk towards the barn, by the cutest ball of roly-poly spotted fur ya ever did see – followed by, (and yet, holding back some, shy/reserved/picky?),  slimmer, not so fluffy litter mate –

Meanwhile – far behind and oblivious to the stakes at hand,  are the rest the frolicking litter mates who are too stupid to know it’s adoption day at the orphanage.

(yes, Dog is God spelled backwards, until I think they ain’t paying attention, whatsoever – then they get busted to stupid human status in my mind – Now? Nearly 8 years later? I figure they knew a spot with us wasn’t in the cards for Universal plans, but Then? Yup, I figured they were just to stupid or broke to pay attention…)

I fall in like with (male) roly-poly – man-child falls in like with  (female) shy/reserved – they seem to move together, with space to be themselves in between, and I, (stupidly?), think while observing them,

(even somewhile later, as we are slowly, but enthusiastically, accosted by the late-to-the-party litter mates who realized, “Oh! Crap! Something going on over there!  We better hurry up, check it out and get our two cents into the conversation…”)

“Yin/Yang – and won’t it be less jarring for them to leave their mama and litter mates, if at least they have each other?”

Yes, folks, that’s how don’t-know-what-she’s-doing-training-puppies me, ended up carting two puppies home…

My continuing definition of insanity is treading where I really ought not to – repeatedly, even when I should know better –

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The drive home entailed man-child hitting on just the right name for his girl – and while I thought about the coming months of me calling Chloe and her roly-poly brother, I tried out some names that would not only fit his spirit BUT also wouldn’t get me too tongue tied if I was trying to verbalize my own tips & tricks, in a hurry to stave off disaster – to them both – in quick succession –

(I’m not very good at doing stuff in a hurry, unless it’s of life and death status – and even then….)

(I really wanted to name ’em Frick and Frack, so any impatience or urgency encountered by me, could be easily be vented/handled by calmly, sternly saying, “Frick, what were you thinking? ” or “Frack- No-Frack-Stay!” – alas, man-child young enough, I didn’t even trot the idea out to him….I did read once, aeon’s ago, best to keep dog and oxen names to one syllable – Frick and Frack do fit that bill…maybe someday I, too, will mess up a perfectly good pair of oxen – )

For all intents and purposes – Zeus and Chloe had their all-important naming ceremonies during a 15 mile drive home – sans any fanfare other than, ‘adult and child two-leggeds felt it worked, was fitting and felt right’ in a blink of an eye –

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Things went well for awhile – I got some puppy training books from the library, re-watched a wolf documentary to better understand pack training of the young’ns and then set about doing my ignorant best – and rested from labors in a watery Colorado winter/spring sun while the pair still trusted me enough to sleep on my lap – they were comfy and my heart did  heal some from my human journey while they got their nap after my ‘lil’ training, “we work hard, we play hard – this is our pack motto” exercises – win/win?  right?

Nope – due to my own inadequacies as a real dog whisperer – AND the fact that often, the other two-leggeds in my home  looked to me to be the alpha and ‘take care of it’ while they went about taking care of their own dragons

(I must make sure you know, important personal dragons were the two-leggeds in my house battling at that time- and  just not enough off-field of battle, time/energy to deal with the load of of  hammering out their own ‘pack’ status with the pups…)

And… I confess, I did take on this lil extra project, while battling multiple dragons, myself, and buckled under demands, “Can’t you make them stop doing…(insert your fave puppy-loves-to-do item, even when house trained had been taken off the table )…

Thus, the pups were confused by the pack dynamics – obviously, I was the alpha, cuz I’m the most demanding and exacting – and, by turn, “ya worked hard, now let’s play hard!” auntie they spent the most time with –

…but it was also obvious to them they weren’t, by gummy,  slated to be the Omega of their new pack – nor were they really getting clear messages of what the rest of the pack status was from moi – they were confused over alpha/auntie me not letting ’em vent their stress out on the two-legged lower status members OR even being able to easily define through tried/true methods to determine just who the held the Omega/lower status slots in their new pack…

My fault and I failed as alpha/auntie –

The pups started to fight amongst themselves – just cuz, c’mon, SOMEONE has to be the Omega in the pack? Right?  Somebody?  Anybody? Not us, but who?  Yet, we’re not allowed to dominate over the other members of the pack – -”

(You should know, the pack two-leggeds, were working their way through navigating new relationship dynamics now that we’re all sharing the same cave – I’m not totally oblivious – ya know….)

I wasn’t inclined to let the pups work out their own stuff and mine too,, in their own arena, in their own way, when it seemed to my heart sore heart things were getting too rough –

I wasn’t willing to push hard my secret thought that our gifted blessings from the Universe were trying to teach us two-leggeds a thing or two – but we kept failing to show up for class and sign up to take the final – I just couldn’t make twixt and tween meet in my own internal landscape –

Sigh – All you real dog whisperers are free to post your insights/constructive criticism – I’m open to learning – I’m pretty certain – even now –  I’ll never sign up for a puppy again – let alone two of ’em –

If you’re gonna be mean, please move on – you can’t make me feel worse than I already do AND wouldn’t I love the opportunity of another cat to kick in frustration other than myself!  

You are welcome, however,  to leave your breadcrumb cyber trail, comment  with self-styled version of “if life deals ya another puppy in the future, here’s how to hire me – ya dweeb….’ 🙂 )

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Eventually, Chloe found a home with my brother (who didn’t bond with Zeus particularly well, thought Zeus to pushy in demanding attention and Zeus deemed unfit to fit in, as well, with Uncle’s existing pack) –

Man-child hated the pups increasingly intense fighting enough that he decided it was more bearable to let Chloe go home with Uncle, with the knowledge, she would still be accessible and we could visit.

Not too long after Chloe’s departure, Zeus managed to lose his zippity-do-dah-carefree talent of beating the rear tires of the car while zipping from one side of the lane to another in his morning play of saying goodbye to those heading out to school & work…

And died in my arms while I asked God to please take this cup from my lips,  forgive me my sins, cuz I thought I would be given more time to get better at this – to how many more deaths must I sit helplessly by, easing in my inept way from this world to the next, because there was nothing else to do? plea…

(answer received) “No one else available, just now, so your job to do,  buck up, get ‘er done – we’ll heal the fall-out later… by the way? what were you thinking at the beginning of this story, ya dweeb?”

Then I seriously trudged from the outbuilding Zeus’ adrenaline shock had given him energy to make his way to, back to the human abode, thinking I might find a way to comfort the shock, dismay  and hearts of the two-legged driver and man-child passenger who were struggling over it all and how did this happen?

Who really, just then, wanted to know,  “Why didn’t you make sure this wouldn’t happen?!?”   🙂

My story and now you know….

Yup!  I failed in oh-so-many ways – for a myriad of reasons – these moments are the ones that remind you of your own hubris in forging ahead, when you know, you probably ought to not…

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We still (2016) get to see Chloe-Girl (her oft said 2 syllable new name) every so often. She thrives in my brother’s pack and, as I’ve watched a pup grow to adulthood with an Uncle,  I know she truly made her way to where she was really supposed to be – for her and for him.

I still think of Zeus – and though he exasperated me beyond belief- cuz, apparently, he and I were too much alike- I am oft reminded –

These are the same lessons I learned from my son Morgan, Ponce the Appaloosa and Boomer the ‘bust outta jail’ yellow Lab mix – And Zeus…

…and many others during my journey –

Sometimes, you love at first sight and don’t fully realize – the Universe just served ya up something ya gotta do – best you can, even if, currently, you are goin’ to flub it here and there – cuz ya just too ignorant, right now, to know better –

But I’m in no doubt, whatsoever, that in response to my call –

“Hey!  Zeus on his way…will you do the meet and greet and watch out for him till I get there?”

I was blessed and forgiven with an instant answer of,

“You Bet!  Consider it done!”

Yes, I felt just a tad better on the long walk back to the house while musing through my own failings.

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And so now that you know the backstory, (there is always a backstory here at BallyBin, you aren’t used to it yet?  Or did you get lost and somehow wind up here?)

Currently – my adopted family over at New Bloggy Cat lost their beloved Zap, and I, hastily typing  out  email reply & belated WordPress comment on update posted, somehow left out Zeus as part of the requested welcoming party from my gone-before-me pack.

It hit me, in my heart, some pondering time later, (did I mention I really shouldn’t do things in a hurry?)

Zeus is probably a soul-brother of Zap – and so I asked Zeus if he could say howdy and keep an eye on Zap till he learns the ropes and gets settled in  –

And got a “You Bet!  Consider it done…but you owe me some play hard time when ya get here!” reply –

Miss ya Zeus – look forward to seeing you again!

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Erv! Clean-up on Aisle 7!

What?  I wasn’t even near aisle 7!

Yes, there’s been a lot of changes here at BallyBin this past year – not that you would notice by viewing my way-outdated blog theme, or my less than spectacular landscaping/new perennial beds plan – looks like not much has changed, at all, cept my house being messier than usual – 🙂

But a lot of the tools I use (both in the physical world, cyber-work world and my own ‘lil inner world) have been so massively transformed, changed/revisited/re-affirmed/changed-my-mind – etc. on, Life has felt like one continual white water rafting excursion – or, like trying to ski in front of an avalanche?  who knows?

But that’s what this year has felt like – I knew I had to paddle, steer, hold on, stay afloat, learn to ski, or whatever, but somedays, my mantra has been,

“Umm.. Yeah… Can we pause for a commercial break?  Ya don’t have to stop, completely, but even if You could just slow down the time-frames – just a bit – preferably to 6 Million Dollar Man action-scene mode?  I’ll supply the sound effects, if you could just – pause or slo-mo for a minute or week or so – “

And, often these past 6 months, I’ve silently wondered…

“Now what?  Will it never end?”

Fortunately, I have some great folks who are great at providing optional stories for me to pick from (instead continuing to listen to my own whiny ones…) and they even run specials now and again –

Which is why, last December, I signed up to get my 2016 annual astrological forecast from Litebeing in January.

Which, was…

Fantabulous!

And during the past few weeks, I’ve edited, revised, trashed, restored, etc., the review I’m happy to provide, but still seeing how things are unfolding now that she showed me some other ways to look at the cycles I’m saying good-bye to – the ones coming up I didn’t even know I’d been preparing for –  yet, obviously, I have been, for, like, years now….

And so, because Clean-Up/Mop-Up operations are still in heavy duty mode, so I can focus on new adventures without tripping over my old to-do piles – had to give ya this intro – cuz next, I’ll be posting my initial thoughts on my reading, and most likely will revisit the topic now and then through the coming year – as it unfolds –

I promised her I would get ‘er done before March!  And she, the blessed, patient soul she is, has been understanding of my ‘want to ponder upon it a tad more’ phase – 🙂

So, Litebeing?  You’ll be receiving this little ping, and another one, too – But had to say –  the first thing that changed for me, after my reading, was I quit seeing as much chaos and started seeing,

“Hey!  Awesome, Look at how much has gotten done to pave the way for the next adventure!”

P.S. – I tackled the 3 foot stack of “to be filed” pile, first  – 🙂  My filing area looks pretty nifty now! 🙂  Thank You!

‘Lil Door

This post inspired by provided picture and Sue Vincent’s “Beyond the door…writing prompt”.

I journeyed far,

To reach the magical ‘lil door –

“Portal to Paradise”

‘Twas rumoured…

 

Only to discover it unyielding,

To first, my gentle nudging,

Then, increasingly determined,

Push.

 

I spent decades,

Sitting beside the door,

Asking anyone who happened by,

“How might I, too,

Be worthy enough to enter Paradise?”

 

Only to discover, one bright day,

The faded inscription

“Pull to Open”.

 

Anticipation and Joy,

Quickly collapsed into horror;

As the ‘lil door swung easily,

To reveal…

 

I had wasted years,

In Paradise,

Trying to get Out.

Yes! We Each Make a Difference

I understand times, change…

Sometimes for better or worse….

That what was yesterday, might not, necessarily, be representative of today’s explicitly spelled out values  –

But Still Believe – the fertilization of  beneficial ideas/norms/changes to our shared history, never, ever, arrives, sans the  paying the price of sweat and tears by individuals,  in one form or another  – 🙂

Beheading the Rose – The Mystery of St Valentine

Why should I write out my planned blog post, when it’s already done? And done so well? Happy Valentines Day – In every way, at every level!

The Silent Eye

Codex_Manesse_Bernger_von_Horheim

In a plastic bucket beside the counter sat a dozen roses, each one individually wrapped, slightly faded, but with their heads held firmly erect in the stiff plastic. Each one would doubtless be bought and, given their garage location probably as an afterthought, along with the milk and petrol, and taken home to a loved one as a token. For many, that would be the extent of their expression of devotion for another year. For many recipients, it would mean the world. It was a sad sight.

On the 14th of February, across the western world, florists, jewellers and chocolatiers make a commercial killing as lovers and hopeful romantics celebrate St Valentine’s Day. Few of us are immune from interest in this date. Some pay court and show their hearts to a loved one, some stand firmly in the camp that sees the celebration simply as a money-making scam, while…

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The Lazy Shopkeeper

Short post for those who tire of my long-winded tirades and/or wish I could say is at well as other’s do…

Here Ya Go – and posted in Heroes, Musing, Community categories – cuz that’ my lil’ fashion till I get around to redesigning my personal, bloggy site – 🙂

Pepe Le Pew – Always a Blessing…

As St. Valentines Day Approaches…

And I sink, tonight, into ‘recover/down/fun’ time from the day’s work efforts…

I realize…

Pepe Le Pew Always Comes Through!

The following post pondered upon/written/edited/published all thanks to New Bloggy Cat’s post. which made me laugh and sent me down memory lane…

When I was pre-romance Age:

  • What Confidence!
  • What Perseverance!
  • So what if I’m not Perfect?

In Early Dating/Heartbreak Years

  • Why can’t they be as romantic as Pepe?
  • Sheesh! Can’t take a hint any better than Pepe!
  • Why?  Do I smell bad?

Through Vows of Commitment

  • I’ll be here, even when you are hiding from me/yourself.
  • I’ll do my part, best I can, to let you know you are cherished.
  • I’ll sometimes question whether I need to change, or you do, or if we are fine, just not together…

Impending Doom

  • Worth the continued effort?
  • What I want to believe vs. Reality…
  • Ummm…Yeah…Not So Much

Current Perspective

  • What Moxie and Courage to Be Oneself
  • What Perseverance in face of disappointment
  • Our species could be more dedicated to making caring gestures AND recognizing best gifts offered from those who try their best to love us…
  • Hope Springs Eternal

But most of All?

The Language of the Heart know no barriers –  actions and body language say it all, even in face of linguistic challenges…

(P.S. My fave shared clip to encapsulate all the above is less time than it took you to read this, is not in English, and I’m non-multi-linguist who attempts, sort of…

(Can you repeat in Ingles? Por Favor? Cuz I’m a language dweeb…Merci!

 “Dankeschön” (smile)

“Grazie!  My brain recognizes that sight/sound!)

Happy Pre-Valentines Day!

Gear Up for Whatever Works:

  • Being Alone and Happy About It
  • Being Alone and wondering “Why?  I’m a good person, right?  I don’t smell bad, do I?”
  • Being Alone but dreaming of/preparing for Soul Mate Appearance
  • Being Alone and saying, “The Perfectly Imperfect Soul will Show Up to Join Moi’s Imperfect Journey, when it happens – until then?  I’ve got plenty of stuff to keep me entertained while I wait and see…
  • Being Together but Feeling Alone
  • Being Together but Forgetting how awesome our chosen one is
  • Being Together and remembering why we chose to be together in the first place
  • Being Together, even when one would rather not, cuz, it’s just rude to break up right before Valentines Day – no matter how one feels…
  • Missing that special someone who still loves – but from far away, and no longer easily accessible by the 5 senses…
  • Watching Pepe Le Pew Marathon till one feels better and/or grows or decides, “Nope, not for me, not now…”

(Yes! I could have put the video clip at the top and saved ya some reading, but everyone has their high-maintenance blind spots, right? 🙂