Memory Lane

Sooo….the man-child is delivered/moved to college campus tomorrow to start his next phase of life –

This Mama Bear has been a stressed out mess for months now- Scholarships, protecting young against the Fates that will kick you in the butt, big time, when you least expect it – over and over again….

Goodbyes coming up for youngest – at time of year that triggers old memories of lost oldest

And yet…every “To-Do” crossed off the list – graduation, party for those graduating and those retiring (my own Mama Bear – after 30 years at Big Sandy 100j – where I, too, graduated, 30 years ago….

It really is the time for new beginnings –

And so, today, when I got frustrated with my clumsy attempts at trying to come with awesome artwork for a long time customer’s site re-design

(have I mentioned? I’m Ms. ‘Organize Information/Make it quick easy to upload and write it up’,

– NOT MAKE IT LOOK PRETTY!

(For heaven’s sake, what were ya thinking?  Ya know my motto….FFPP (oh, how I love acronyms!  LOL) and yes, I have a graphic in the works to tell you what it stands for… gotta practice, ya know…)

New Life Phases for my Cherished Ones = New Beginnings for Moi

(Or, honestly, “HOLY CRAP!  I better find something new to do now that I’m not focused on keeping people alive long enough to graduate, have their 18th b-day/Retire with a party that invited over 400 people from a 70 mile radius who are also wanting me to come clear out the rock pile, so they can move and not leave a mess that interferes with new homeowners lawn mowing activities…. sigh….)

Tonight

….I went through all the tutorials at Canva – (are ya kiddin?  I can’t do this myself without snazzy software that makes me look, if I practice and use professional help to try to be more creative than I actually am….)  made notes and think, perhaps, after the insanity of this past year, I really ought to get back into the habit of writing/posting/publishing on a daily basis -Ya know – I know in my mind what should happen – getting it translated via any other medium than writing – well….

Yes, I suck at it –

And so, I am going to work through various options and just ‘practice’ – 🙂

For the next 30 days….

Cuz, here, in my online community – seems like safe place to do so, with honest feedback –

I will be coupling my fave pics and quotes – and playing with filters, tints, shapes, transparencies, colors, etc.

(Seriously?!?  How many frickin’ settings do these graphic personages need?!?  Can’t you just write 1,000 words and forget the picture?!?  🙂 )

I  learn best through boots on the ground/trial and error – more time consuming BUT I’m an anal notes taker and so, over my desk area are sticky notes with tips/tricks – I still have the yellow legal pad partial page, torn off, (I ran out of sticky notes…) that reads, “Bicubic = Enlarge” and “Bilinear = Reduce” – yes, that’s how sad I am  – feel free to laugh over my incompetence – Laughter is the Best Medicine to Cure what Ails You –

and I’m Funny!  (But, Looks aren’t everything, ya know) –

Durnit!  That needs to be a graphic meme!  Dropped the ball…already – sigh….

Feel free

….all ya wonderful artistic personages that I follow, like and leave comments on your beautiful works, to leave hints, tips, tricks  (you can say,  “WTF were you THINKIN?  TRY AGAIN!”  cuz, afterall – in my world?  You all know what you’re doing and have been ever so kind as I journey towards rebuilding a life and then remembering how to once more live it – 🙂  )

But tonight, upon reaching the milestone of my youngest actually living long enough to both graduate AND celebrate his 18th birthday –

Well – big ‘pressure’ valve in me own world, has been vented!  🙂  I’ve spent the last days since June 7th bursting into spontaneous bawlin’ woman syndrome – just cuz – well – I’m relieved – I’m scared – I’m excited – I Don’t Know For Sure, What The Hell I Am – but for tonight – all I know is this –

I was blessed by the Universe to be in charge of the raising of both of them – and though my heart still aches the world never got to be more fully/widely blessed by the gifts and talents of the oldest – the youngest is being launched out into the sphere, where you, too, may be blessed by his compassionate, funny, quirky presence!

And yes – I did do the Mama Bear thingee – just one more time –

The day before he turned 18, I get a phone call – with male voice asking if my son is around…

And I say..

“May I ask who is calling?”

and heard,

“This Staff Sergeant (so-and-so) from the Army Recruiting Office –

And I couldn’t help myself –

“Oh…sorry…you called too late – he’s leaving this weekend for college.”

And he said, gruffly,

“And does he know how he’s gonna pay for it?”

“Yes, he worked his butt off doing scholarships and we are budgeting/hunkering down to get ‘er done – but don’t worry – he’s going to have a systems engineering degree and if the need arises, he will be taking care of those with boots on the ground as best as he knows how….”

The gruff Goodbye, Ma’am, told me,

Not Acceptable

But I’m a Mama Bear – I’ve got one left – out of 4 – YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM – Just NOT Yet –

And while I support those who serve and understand – I’m telling ya – I’m a Mama and PUHLEASE!  NOT YET!

Nor Acceptable with Man-Child

…for cutting short the call – for making his decisions when he is an adult capable of making his own – but I said, “I’m your Mama in Charge for 6 more hours – (18) AND, you wanna join – go ahead – BUT I AIN’T gonna make it easy for any of you all – ”

Sigh….

Where was I?

Oh, yes – I took the picture of our first 30 minutes together and added the text from a vintage sign that hangs in my Mom’s eye doctor’s office – housed in the historic, original Railroad Depot in Colorado Springs –

Cuz I thought the sentiment funny –

And who knows?  Maybe I figure out how to superimpose the sign and the pic – Thinking I didn’t properly use white space/etc., on the artwork and will most likely modify – or maybe not – gotta have examples of What Not To Do to keep ya from harm, right?

For Now?

This is my new adventure in learning –

Constructive Criticism always welcome (seriously, ya all know I’ll never be as good at this stuff as so many of you I commune with!) BUT – I am TRYING to get better

(whaddya think?  Larger on the the Beware items and move down to the right-hand corner – and the red – too much with the washout, right?   Work-In-Progress am I – ya know not everyone is a born-again graphics designer – – LOL)

But….

I’m thinking, perhaps I ought to set myself my own ‘blog challenge’ – 30 days  of meme frenzy – lawd nows, I can find enough quotes I like – will just need to flex my learning muscles and get er done – and perhaps, I can also say, someday, to my customers… – “Weeeelllll… By no means an artist – but we can come up with SOMETHING that doesn’t embarrass you – ”

🙂

WELCOME To The World, tMY SON

Shared from WordPress

Finding Good – http://wp.me/pj76y-1Yg

Electricity off while finishing touches done on replacing 50? 70? year old wiring.  And while taking a break, waiting for the holler from attic indicating it is a go for fishing the new wire through the wall.. “Pull!  Whoa.. wait… okay, now pull!”…

I use my smarter than me phone to read and catch up on your world. And hope to goodness the apps “Share” function is the reblog option I hope it is…  happy Wednesday and here’s to finding the good…

In the Still of the Night

I hit the wall – big time – quite a few months ago….

(Think I broke my big, already crooked, nose, too..)

Really! I have been blindly rushing through to-do lists and doing the freak-out-stress-train, so much, lately, I simply forgot to look where I was going – and well, the wall rose up to meet me, hard, with a big, friendly, wave and greeting,

“Here I AM!  What took you so long getting here?

It’ll be OK –

My Mama, always, ALWAYS, send me loves and encouragement to keep on trying –

************

 

Hmm.. Pretty - Welcome to Our Place - Where the hell did you come from? How did that work out? No offense, glad you showed up - but seriously, Who are you?

IAmHomeHere_2016

Good4Rhubarb

Picture of Poppy

VincaAndTulip_2016

Picture of Daylilly patch

Golden Currant! Looking Good! New - to - the Neighborhood Bartlett Pear? Sorry I didn't realize how cold that second late snow storm was gonna get - hope you make it - We're all Rootin' for you! and All you have to do is rest, put down your roots, settle in - I promise to not pull you out until you make it clear, ya had to take leave of such a lackadaisical homestead....

Transplanted Lilac seedlings! Aren't you beautiful? My, how you've grown into your own this past season of settling in - I just know you are going to go forth and prosper (those minerals and lil tire wall to rather lock in the moisture are rather nice, eh? - Promise - I have stuff set up to be a better neighbor if it gets drought ugly in late late July - but, ya know, I'll take care of others, who need it more - first, cuz, afterall, you do just fine on your own, most years - If I simply leave you to your own devices -

Hold On - 3 Muskateers - You have fought bravely for 2 years, alone on that northeast side, but everyone else ready to kick out their roommates to send you reinforcements! You guys ARE WARRIORS! (Promise, I'll choose strong brothers & Sisters in the Cause to be your roomies!

Yes, moving day scheduled for some, this fall....

Ah, Wild Rose - despite my early, then failed attempts to keep you weed free - you are TROOPERS! Yay! You are my kinda neighbors - welcome to neighborhood! LUB and Sunday, we'll get you weed free and some nice companion neighbors moved in - just cuz, that's how we roll - here - way to hold the line while the general get's her stuff together - :)

***********

Yes, my sons, in the quiet, dappled light of the late afternoon, pre-twilight, when my body aches and my mind races, sometimes scattered, sometimes focused –

Whenever I experience my Work-In-Progress Garden Oasis –

Well, I think of you both – for I cannot commune with the Earth, without thinking of your hardy and beautiful spirits – and giving thanks for being blessed by your presence –

Every breath I take now and forever,  I will always think of you -Whether I can chuff you on the shoulder right now and say, “WTF were you thinking?”  OR whether I can lean over you while you do your own thing, lightly hug your expanding shoulders, kiss the top of your head and say,

“I love you, Child of Grace – I will Never Forget all you have taught me and gave to me – no matter where you are, here or how far you go or how many planes of existence I must traverse, before once more I can look into your eyes -”

In the still of the night, I know I’ll never really need  more than the blessing of the time I was given with each of you – no matter how much or how little that ends up to be – now and forever –

Tonight, as I walked through the place, Mother Nature covered the need – you are both free to fly free – she will watch over me and ease my heart, while giving you cover to go fly free – cuz – ya know – that’s what’s good Mama’s do, right?  🙂

Love you both, so very much,

Mom

Isolated #writephoto Prompt for 06/02/16

060216_DailyEchoPhotoPrompt

“I just Feel so Alone/Vulnerable”

…said an aunt from the densely wooded east in reply to my  enthusiastically shared love of my homeland – open skies, freedom, rolling pastures and brilliant daybreaks/sunsets….

“Why Do you Focus on the Negative?”

…asked a friend, when I faced the prairie skies, alight with the jagged streaks of pure energy that highlighted the roiling cauldron of the churning heavens – and begged me to come inside – where it was safe – instead of standing, tall, shaking my fist and daring the Universe, “Go Ahead!  Do your best!  You can’t make me give up…I won’t give up….”

“When You Think of What the Sun Has Seen during It’s Journey Today…Remember,”

… my father intoned, as we stood in awkward silence – gazing at the same pasture where a short few years ago, I trotted along, eager to be Dad’s Helper,  but now, stood in quiet rebellion while he mused between resolution and resignation…

“Remember Your Roots…”

I whisper to first one son, than the next, as I carry, then shorten my long strides to match toddler steps and finally, stand beside the young man who knows the story of rebellion and what it means, but is mad, just now, anyways…

“You Arrived on the Tail Winds of the Storm …”

…I remember with aching heart –  as I think of my son, who arrived on the calm winds following the raging storm so long ago and slipped away as quiet as the gentle night breezes –  Who visits me  in the quiet solitude of wild and beautiful lands –

“Always New and Never Changing…”

…whispers the voice in my head, when I view Sue’s photo prompt

A photo of a scene and land so far away – One I have never trod upon with either happy or heavy foot …

But my heart recognizes the beauty of it  – In all it’s wonder, complexity, joy, pain, celebration and mourning…

Yes, my heart remembers –

Always.