Rather Scared Silly…Just Now…

Yup, got hired for the job I Just Nailed THAT Interview for…

(Insert, in your mind, a picture of me doing a  forehead slap/sheesh! on my part…), because, yup, I’m rather stunned –

Why, you ask?

  • I interview POORLY – always have, practice, still do poorly – – FACT!
    • I just can’t get over my vow to live a life of integrity, best as I know how – which means, I usually give into urges to say….

“Yup, I disagree/suck at/am still learning/etc., etc,  such and such”

THIS goes against ALL advice for getting a job…FYI – (I’m often into the ‘long haul’ for making a point…just saying….and will fall on me own sword, in the effort…)

  • I can ATTEMPT to groom meself to cultural standards/dress to impress – but, fail, often – FACT!

I look to 2018 and…um….

  • Am I good enough to do all that needs be done?
  • Can I learn fast enough all I need to, to do this well?
  • How many hidden things from stroke, trauma, etc., will work their way up to be healed, re-learned, as I traverse this coming year?

At some point, during the application, interview, existing annual review needs, etc., I decided to take the advice I give to others…

“IF you LOVE (______ ) AND you can’t bear to walk away without trying…well, go for broke, be yourself, but be open for feedback on how to grow into your ‘next version of self…”

On the other hand, some feedback, you might argue about…cuz it doesn’t quite match up with what you have learned, thus far…and so, go forth in a blaze of glory in all your imperfections and see what happens…..sometimes, the risks are small…

…and sometimes,

“Fish or cut bait”


Poop or get Off the Pot

(Also Known As…more crudely…and in my family that remembers outhouses and chamber pots….until my Dad, his brothers and brother-in-laws, and….his son (my brother) showed up to get everyone indoor plumbing installed and/or working correctly….  I did try to remember what they told me, but my brother is who I call when I can’t quite remember the formula for calculating gravity feeds over long distances, how to calculate inches of watering over my garden, via readings from the rain gauge or thermodynamics, or other such things the males in my family just seemed to be BORN understanding.

…sigh..face it… I STILL walk out, look at the plants…if I remember check the finer signs… AND, empty the rain gauge out sometimes after 2 weeks or more of collection/evaporation rates – I LOVE data – but to me? 

Mother Nature has been around a lot longer than moi – so whaddya I know?  Either her babies transplanted by me make it OR she’ll strike me dead for my callous blasphemy…still waiting for a tornado or lightning strike to target me…  I try not to be obtuse –

I like to think, I’m just standing firm upon ground of….

“I’m just testing the bounds of tolerance of the universe, ya know?  The universe knows it has leave to take me out the moment I become more of a Minus, than a Plus – good enough?”   

Alas – “Good Enough?” is a HUGE Story, I tell meself, for long time now  – See Below for Life Line Stories if you need more info to understand… :D)

It’s also, now, December

…which means…

Time to compile 2017 accomplishments AND backdate them as

“2017 New Year’s Resolutions”

(P.S. I really recommend this approach to everyone – makes ya feel better after the past year AND gets rid of shame/blame/bad feelings from those resolutions you give up on come March/April time frame…

This approach ALSO saves you from spending money on ‘get fit equipment’ during holiday sales – you can seriously pick brand new stuff up, little (if ever used) in March/April time frame, with further savings, AND still show accomplishment WITH a lower cost – come the following December – as if you set an actual Jan. 1st date for implementation .)

Whatever Works, remains, my Go>To>Motto….

Yup, I STILL do this approach, every year – works for me, and if you likey-likey?   Try it out and send any nay-sayers in your group to me, I’m happy to explain  this approach to them….  😀

As I spend free time this month, ruminating on 2017, I see how many ways I was pulled, called, shoved into things that I WOULD NEVER have signed up for, willingly – on purpose –

Some of them, just, rather, happened…

Was put in front of me, needed be done, supported that which is in tune with my overall life-well-lived-goals, so I did the best as I could, at the time, even if I wondered, seriously, if I was, in fact, the best person for the job.

In retrospect?

This year has been filled with two main conversations – one with myself, and one with the Universe I think challenges us, blesses us and shows us the way to helping hands, when we are lost in our own ‘stuff’.

Top 2 Inner Conversations of Mine – 2017

“Self?  Um, yeah, OBVIOUSLY you just have to sign up to do this, because it may not be perfect, but lots of good folks, with good intents, are, right now, sorta running around with their heads cut off – Sooo….your job to show how to make the whole process a little easier…a little smoother – – you’ve walked this path – – you walked beside others who walked this path…You Can Do THIS!”


“Thank you, Universe, for the awesome folks you surround me with – those who see my strengths and forgive me my ignorance/work-in-progress self.   Thank you for surrounding me with people who shove me out of my comfort zone to try for the next best version of me….”

For you know, I believe in something bigger than I, and am not okay with limiting it, defining it with my lil human mind, or discounting others who have experienced a connection with the All and call it something other than I do – – so “Universe” it is, for meself, when addressing All that Is –

Who am I to limit All?

I also, truly,  believe in Angels –

I most often come into contact with them when  Nature & fellow humans show up to urge me towards ever higher heights – 😀

Life, can be hard and full of challenges

That which surrounds me in Nature, and my fellow species, are the angels providing opportunities to educate me…

…and sometimes, support or carry me when I’m ready to give up, from sheer exhaustion…

In the end – I don’t wait for miracles to show up in Heavenly splendor –

I really love recognizing the teeny-tiny miracles that show up every day – in a myriad of ways.

Because for me, the miracles that bless my life, are most often delivered by Nature being Herself and my fellow Humans doing what they are naturally good at…and think nothing of, or say,

“It was nothing…”

I disagree – For me, it was SOMETHING!

Ain’t it wonderful, how sometimes, we just go about being ourselves, in our own way, and make a difference, despite all the odds?

P.S. About Life Line Stories….

We all have ’em – sometimes from how we were raised, our hurts, our traumas, our blind spots we never knew existed – Sometimes they are good for us, good for all, or good for none, including ourselves….

Sometimes we are called upon to change them and sometimes, we can’t even hear the call, just because, we are so attached to them –

For me, right now, in my ‘growth-of-a-human-spirit’ journey?

I’m Absolutely, Positively, convinced,,I have Stories that need re-written or once more are in need of an updated edition/revision – –

and every moment, every year, every milestone, shows me the ones I’ve edited and published, the ones that need updating/new editions done, and those I didn’t EVEN know, I needed to edit…

C’mon – if you are here, in WordPress land – You ARE a writer, right?   Take this December to write the Best of 2017 – Re-write/edit, create the story for 2018 – even if feels like you’re venturing into a genre that isn’t within your comfort zone…

Cuz, in the end…I’m not calling upon or asking you to do anything I’m not willing to do meself – –


3 thoughts on “Rather Scared Silly…Just Now…”

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