After a Day of Building for new…then checking phone/email…

…and what came in as I did ‘mid-day break’ from “Do Not Disturb’ activities/settings on ‘tech’ –

Hmmm…

I lost my temper, again!

(Do ya see a pattern forming, yet?)

Granted…

Me ‘losing my temper’ is, dependent upon external perceptions, actually labeled by others as (pick your fave!)

1. Frustrated
2. Tellin’ it how it is
3. Dog with bone, on some topics
4. Un-Forgiving
5. Intolerant
6. PTSD patient
7. Stressed Out
8. Anxious
9. Worrier
10. Too focused on details
11. Detail Oriented Extraordinaire!
12. Saving Grace – Thank You!
13. Pain in Arse – Straighten UP!
14. TMI /oversharer
15. Thanks for explaining the options to me
16. Tiring to keep up with
17. Too many examples given to keep track of message
18. Not enough info to decide on, can you please explain….?
19. Too smart
20. Not smart enough or Too distracted from main topic
21. Low Emotional IQ
22. High Emotional IQ
23. Good communication skills
24. Poor communication skills

See?  Who knows, for sure, when you are looking at a myriad of ‘external’ opinions, realities, etc… the above list only reflects a mere ‘glimpse’ into all the possible ‘labels’ for me –

Easier, and quicker, really, to just confess, myself…

I lost my (bloody) (frickn’) temper

And let various chips, at various betting tables, fall where they may –

My Self-Styled Way of saying…

This is me – right now – in all my ‘living in the moment’ glory – while simultaneously listening to my monkey brain/idealistic heart footnotes, and contemplating….

What IF me, you, we, us, live long enough to experience the ‘world’ we just helped in creating for the future?

What if….indeed –

“What if?”  is rich territory for my mind and changes by the moment – a focus, ever divided across a myriad of fronts, ALL while I find myself quietly updating past held ‘perspectives’ and/or, relying on ages old wisdom to back up my current approach to the ‘whatever matter is at hand’ –

I talk about it, share it, write about this internal process

In any forum or place I think might benefit from such information shared, to those who are in the mood to read, listen or join the conversation –

Because, in the end – isn’t everyone who seeks answers online/or from someone, really looking for something MORE than general, broad, maybe applies, maybe doesn’t, “List of…”  Top 3 (or 5 or 7 or 10, or 50 or whatever # to include per ‘latest marketing/seo advice) topic information spiels?

WE may dream/think tech, and living in the Information/Communication age will save us from…um…ourselves…

But, it hasn’t and It won’t

Ever – not in any real lasting way, until we first look to ourselves, our internal growth/evolution and decide how we want to truly build/truly use, in pursuit of the next level – NOT as a quick answer to meet the fact we let Life in one form or another, get away from us and are now lost, overwhelmed and not in mood to spend alot of time trying to figure out for ourselves – (yup, guilty!  I figure out a lot of things, sooner or later, through research/learning, but , sometimes, I too wish I could just have an answer, I trusted, like ‘right now’ –

Wait for it…Wait For it… BACKSTORY

When Lincoln first entered politics, Andrew Jackson was president. Lincoln shared the sympathies that the Jacksonians professed for the common man, but he disagreed with the Jacksonian view that the government should be divorced from economic enterprise. “The legitimate object of government,” he was later to say, “is to do for a community of people whatever they need to have done, but cannot do at all, or cannot do so well, for themselves, in their separate and individual capacities.” – Encyclopedia Britannica

More commonly known to MY Mind as:

You can fool (please) some of the people all of the time and fool (please) all of the people, some of the time, but you can’t fool (please) all the people all of the time

and…

Tech isn’t going to save anyone – not really – not without some other things in place

I have, on my bookshelf, the copyrighted in 1941, first printed in 1942, second printed in 1943, the book titled “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln” and a quick persual of table of contents at beginning and the back of book to see if index is present – leaves me knowing –

YUP!  I NEED to just shut down tech tools and options, now, after long, long day that started with me, waking up later than usual to a Fire Drill of “WTF?” response to initial  email list view of what happened during the 90 full minutes I ‘slept’ past my usual ‘get up and get to work being creative time’ whether I went to bed 10 hours ago OR 3 hours ago –

and is closing with me saving for further edits, for inclusion in some future book, the ‘blogging about the first waking minutes of my day report, since, really – it needs edits – and formatting, and it is a story – which may/may not be entertaining, at some point, in some format, to some – suffice to say, even long ago tech leaps can still have use…

For instance, the concepts/observations behind the Archimedes screw, levers and  the plumbob, which was used by those who built the Great Pyramids…

Said pyramids are rather showing their age and weather worse for human curiosity/tourist needs, but they’re still standing – – :)Still mystify, awe and inspire –

Here’s the Re-Cap/Timeline this post was brought to you courtesy of…:

1. Woke up to some weird automatically generated email notifications from a business services/tool provider
2. Got figured out/handled,double-checked, with no coffee, first 30 minutes after I was ‘shocked/scared’ enough awake to make my way to work station unaided and without bruising myself by running into stuff on the stumble to it –
3. Did quick errand run in 5 of block radius to: return library books, check mail, get beef jerky and nic-sticks at store (the whole roll me own, blend of nicotine tobbacco and herbs, in rice paper thingee is okay, but has some downsides I haven’t quite figured out yet…and ALREADY saw – 45 minutes into the day, it’s going to be a long day…), Check in at local auto service garage to see when okay to ‘drop off truck’ and assure them, next week or week after okay by me, if works for you, I’ll check back in next week,
4. Came home, did some productive, build, research, learn stuff for cool, multi-use tools in future, but meets needs, for site I wanted to ‘flesh out’ with some ‘more’ -now !
5. Came up for air early afternoon, to check email, phone calls, texts, Facebook notifications – aka – mid-day lunch, rest, connect with world break
6. Ended up spending more time on that whole ‘connect/break’ process for about a multitude of  reasons –
7. Got back to ‘build/do/get ‘er done’ real work around 5pm – got hungry around 5:58pm, grabbed jerky and hunka cheese around 8pm – finished up work, did last round of ‘correspondence/replies/check in of emails/etc., at 11:30pm, and then pulled out books, did online quote history and search stuff starting around 1am – Cuz I ALREADY knew what I wanted to write about –

And now?  it’s after 2am, here – I need some more beef jerky, to sleep on, maybe smeared with some peanut butter or coconut oil, so I rest deeply, reheated supper sits on stovetop and I’ll deal with tomorrow – either it’s edible/salvageable or not – (it will be, most likely be, for me – – I made original from raw ingredients, yesterday, which just don’t seem to  quickly go all smarmy/food poisoning potential as fast as canned/warm up and eat store options seem to, first time or reheat operations included, on my ‘started, then forgot to eat’ long experience in observing such things –

Why do I tell ya all this? Yet Again?

Cause humans are a predictable species, in the end, and we are rather funny, when we keep telling the same stories over and over and still haven’t worked our way through to the ‘breakthrough’ – for us –

And so, find myself, once more, examining/reminded of and underlining the point made, shared, repeated,  many times earlier, here at Bally Bin Blog –  and  more recently shared with you a week or so ago given ‘my timeline’, the quote that currently sums my inner world layers of it all into one shorter quote and more succinct article on the basic points:

Technology’s role has begun to shift, from serving human users to pushing them out of the way so that the technologized world can service its own ends. And so, with increasing frequency, technology will exist not to serve human goals, but to facilitate its own expansion.~ From the Article “Why Nothing Works Anymore” by Ian Bogost

I’m realizing now…this probably would have worked as a quote for Dickens, Orwell, Wells, and all the others who wrote novels that tried to grasp/tell the story of what they saw as the ‘failings of’ the technology of their time – steam engines, rise of factories, etc.   🙂

And the very human costs such things extracted as that age of ‘tech’ blasted it ways through – on it’s way to meet it’s own (human defined, after all) ‘ends’ – 🙂

Okey-Dokey Then… Hold My Beer (water-wine) and Watch This….

Long day and yes, of course there are multiple ‘back stories’ to share – but really?  Here’s the ‘shortest version’ I could manage – 🙂

So here’s the skinny –

Yup, given my frustration at what options available to me, here, on free blog, when I’m ever so accustomed to using the tools and faves I have at hand to often, quickly meet my desires in the  WordPress.org  self-hosted, framework & options world – and often disappointed, here –

I rather lost my temper earlier tonight and just re-organized my widgets, re-titled a few of them, in order to meet my ‘truth in advertising’ needs –

Before losing my temper, I tried out various available on free options,  and different widgets again – changed what options I could- tried different settings – chose ones I thought would give me what I wanted to really put in a second menu bar, but had to make do with widget offerings to avoid entire upgrade/theme changes or blog re-design quest, tonight –

Got frustrated – did ‘quick/dirty/true to my soul, right now!

Okay – so hand me back my beer (water-wine) – check out the sidebar at your leisure!

“So what?”

You may ask and to which I reply, as well – So what?

Practicing on me self, again, I am –  Just to prove a point to myself or others, or whatever….mainly to prove a point to myself –

In the end, I’m only doing it to you, if you stick around and check it out, or notice at some point in the future –

Only doing it to new visitors who have total freedom to visit and leave 2.5 seconds later, if they choose to stick around –

In the end, most of the potential ‘fall out/price to be paid’ will fall on myself – as far as I can see – 🙂

Those who think I’m funny, even when I’m madder than a wet hen or *gasp* wet cat – will usually or eventually, forgive me -often they just chuckle, shake their heads and say, “Lawd Love a Lemon, does that girl never learn?  Ah well, it’s funny to watch while she keeps signing up for the same show – over and over”

Those who think I’ve lost it, probably never really thought I had ‘it’ to begin with, and/or haven’t been listening to the truth of me for 2.5 seconds or  for frickin’ years -even when given multiple opportunities, in various ways, to grasp the ‘truth of the matter’

For those folks?  No matter what I change, how I change me or the current ‘it’, what sacrifices I personally make to attempt to ‘meet somewhere in the middle – they won’t ever like me, really – and nothing I do, do not do, give up, live without or strive for,  will ever, in the end, be ‘good enough’ for their tastes –

So that’s the tech attempts, frustration at my lack of true freedom here on free, that I get when I ‘pay’ for stuff –  and quick re-visiting of  old, well-known,  previously learned lessons

I realized, while re-organizing widgets, etc, that what they are titled and what they really show – didn’t honestly match up – so I re-titled – we’ll see how that plays out  –  in the funny papers – – – 😀

In the end, I’m on free version, so what do I have to complain about?  really?

Sad that it seems some here, who are on paid versions, are dealing with similar stuff, too – but, that’s no excuse for me, personally –

About to say G’Night all – got about 3 hours of actual, productive, creative, “can leverage off in future” work done today -for tomorrow gains, on multiple fronts, that is invested in client return works that someone, somewhere, will be really glad I did, someday –

Rest of the day?

Connect, answer questions, repeat via phone convo’s my checklist on how a website can earn it’s keep (or not) to some who remember, after they asked the same question again, and my answer starts sounding familiar – like deja vu –

Yes, there are some new options, tools or approaches, but in the end, either we go forward or I hold the line best as I can and we both wait – for the right time, the best time, the best tool, for prices to come down, interest in (what’s there already and not alot of effort to point folks to it/update it) to increase on visits all by it’s self/lonesome – (Usually NOT!) and then I spend time listening, supporting, reassuring –

And off and on, between calls, texts, emails, etc., I soothe myself through turning back on, the Ken Burns Country Music documentary, via PBS, Episode 1 – then 2, and listen to music I  know the words to, by heart, still, after all these years, without even trying, and I belt them out loud and proud –

No longer care that I cannot carry a tune, even in a bucket with a handle on it –

And so…Missing you sorely, tonight, Dad –

I was reminded today of “Wildwood Flower” and how the way you played it is the one my ears wish to listen to and that which my heart yearns for.

Interesting, but I don’t really care that the Carters recorded the version that introduced the guitar pickin’ world to what would become known as ‘The Carter Scratch” and would influence so many future artists, across so many genres of music –

Their version nice, and all, but not yours….

I want something other than pulling out, once more,  my carefully stored memories, to play it out, in my inner world- the song which is full of layered moments over time.

A memory that blends together all the times you played it – at your best, when you were learning, adding, less than most rested – all of it –

And soon, all the versions of you playing it have become a single memory that is so patched together from numerous memories and snippets, that the version in my memory probably doesn’t even come close to matching even one time you played it.

My memory holds all the times and none of the times, just exactly, all at once.

After doing a quick search at YouTube, expecting to be disappointed…

I learned something –

Playing Wildwood Flower is still and apparently, remains, a quest for many.

It draws in  the beginners, the old hands – the self-taught as well ardent students of the craft of guitar pickin’.

There are those who work hard to reach the ‘next level of it’ and those who simply say, “I can play the simple, beginner version, now, here’s how I did it” – so many tutorials, shares, etc. of that one song –

The Vince Gil and Chet Atkin versions weren’t ‘just what I wanted to hear’, nor came close to what I wanted ‘share’ with others, in hopes they might have a glimmer of the memories soundtrack that takes over my mind when the first few notes of Wildwood Flower play in my external world –

I FINALLY found a posted version that comes closest to what I remember of you and your playing-

Sometimes you worked on learning the next run – and sometimes you just immersed yourself in the simple beauty of what you had already ‘learned/nailed’.

I can close my eyes and listen to this shared version – and hear you, remember you – every time you worked to ‘reach the next level of playing it’ and what parts it contains you never quite got around to mastering or  putting in OR maybe decided, wasn’t needed, why ruin the beauty with extras?  I don’t know for sure…

But I can also listen & watch,  with my eyes wide open -and connect with those times and you once more through this artist and his rendition –

I see in him, you –

The moments when a run or lick didn’t land just like one planned,  the concentration to get through a portion just right and the little tells –

…the grin, the shrug of shoulders, the self-chuckle, that says, “okay, maybe next time, for now? just keep playing” –

So, it may not be the most popular or performed by the most famous

– the fastest version, or the slowest

-the fanciest or the simplest –

But this one – yes!

Close enough and good enough for my heart!

Thank you THANE98 – You made my day!

And Dad?  No one will ever be you or echo what my mind has stitched together – but until once more I can sit and listen to your playing?

Well, often, you get what you need…just in time, from unexpected places & sources.

Luv you, Dad

Sis

 

 

 

 

WIHH to my “re-blog” option?

Note** Title Acronym Definition -“What-in-Hades-Happened”…

Sharing awesome post link:

10 Inspiring Quotes from Writers About Writing

I Tried the Re-blog – option – didn’t work….

Button USED to give me a window to type intro, and hit Re-blog button again, to share –

Since I’m out of date – and using Firefox with Security functions rather locked down, since the link for ‘re-blog button’ there, shows url that has ‘widget’ in it – perhaps my sticking with classic editor and not being “gutenberg ready/smart plays a role –

Perhaps, somewhere, updates are rolling out, maintenance being done, edits in process or server cachess being emptied, updated – who knows?

I don’t mess with deep research or troubleshooting such stuff, anymore, right ‘on the spot and immediately’- part of my adjustments back to ‘quality of life’ streamlining operations –

I instead, leave my self a note,  to try/explore/learn later – or just wait for other operations to ‘finish’ in their own sweet time –

For all I know

This ‘reblog’ share,  is also going to appear , somewhere on my blog, some 3 times, in a widget,  on my site, I’m unable to see/unaware of – all while such things are also plaguing one of my long-suffering from my ineptness, Bloggy Pals – 🙂

That said – …you have the link – quick read –

Wordlander has explanation if things going ugly on her end and I just can’t ‘see the chaos’ I caused –

And  – post rather full of  my go-to favesto’talk myself off the ledge’ mind chatter  when I’m stuck in writing/creative works – – 🙂

There ya go – share from this wannabe writer while wading through tech changes land – 🙂

Check-In, Touch Base Sunday

** Please know I won’t be going back and editing for spelling, grammar, or missed words, my previous post, done late at night, total stream of ‘just write and push the blue button – thingee’.

Serves as a reminder to me of both the kindness of my fellow bloggers who just ‘get me’ even when I fail at communicating well or at all, really AND a reminder to me –  “EDIT!  for the Love of all that is HOLY!  EDIT!!! ” **

So, with no before/after pictures of today, here’s the check in from ye olde BallyBin Front –

Yes, I forgot to take before pictures to go with after picture of infrastructure work done outside this a.m. – and who wants or needs screen shots of me reading how-to/researching options, for building modules for websites?!?

News-brief  from Household/Work fronts:

Busy work weeks here, as I continue to catch up on cyber-land education & behind scenes infrastructure for me and all my clients,  all while new clients have just shown up via communiques I view as, “hair on fire Please Help!!!” missives –

I’ve been told  such missives are not  – ‘hair on fire’ and I still think to myself…

“not quite yet, but in my world – yes – it will become so, sooner or later, given what you’ve told me… “

Old Dawgs – Old Tricks – R Moi –

Blessings all around.

**Even while I frequently chafe over  what all ‘new things’ that must be researched/learned, in order to just ‘hold line, while building for future flexibility/adaptibility’ operations- in cyber-work land**

Man-child, worked outside this morning while I did weekly correspondence and online work,  moving heavy infrastructure supplies and weeding, etc.

His work, makes it possible for me to do the detail design work that doesn’t wear me out as quickly as the carrying heavy things all by me lonesome,  just to even start  on an area build  for ‘no-mow, ready to plant’ space creation. – 🙂

I confess, I have really lost my ‘grit’ these two years of increasing ‘time spent using my brain and typing fingers, instead of whole body in bucking straw bales, flinging tires or moving concrete blocks  🙂

Bartering News

The  work trades with man-child, (i.e. I cook, do laundry,  grocery shopping & bill paying – he lifts heavy things and runs errands when need be) while we split expenses for basics (utilities/groceries), are working ever so much better for me than being married ever did – 🙂

Bonus Perks I didn’t see coming….

He often cooks for me on the weekends – as he enjoyed being a ‘chef/cook’ and has a flair for it – he is quickly adjusting to using tiny home cook options, from restaurant grill, broiler, etc., set-ups he is used to, and appreciates my ‘stocked pantry/substitution options on hand.

What a gift to just have food plopped down in front of you with instructions to ‘eat it and I’ll do the dishes’ –

He says he is content and recently interviewed at work for a promotion, which if obtained, will mean the end of  commuting often to do split shifts to get his 40 hours.

He is saving money from renting on his own in town, I have help on the place and we’ve eased right back into roommate style “works for us both” routines.

No telling how long this will last, but on October 10th, will be 2 months since he came home and it’s just getting better each week – he is young and will go forth as he shall, but very grateful for the gifts bestowed, just now.

He just rather ‘gets’ my native “Love Languages”

1. Quality Time (watch a movie together?  Share music fave? Discuss what’s going on in world?  Personal challenges? Rant about anything and the other doesn’t take it ‘personally’?)
2. Acts of Service that are in tune with my ‘foundation/build for future’ needs, instead of ‘hmmm..nice, but luxury, thanks – but, um, yeah – still stressed out over basics – 🙂

He receives, in return,  lower costs & the freedom to be an adult (i.e. texts or check-ins “Hey!  Staying in town for friend’s gathering, be home tomorrow”  or “What needs done?  I have plans later today, so figure out what I can do to help, cuz I’m available to help until….”)

And I get to be a mom/worry/make fun of myself/share experience, etc., but overall, I mainly just get to be a ‘roommate/friend’ with someone who knows most, if not all my lil ways…the good, the bad, the radunkulous –

(feel free to replace radunkulous’ with ludicrous or peccadilloes if you prefer real words…)

This Week’s  Shares….

Reading for Pleasure:

I have started reading “Giants in the Earth:A Saga of the Prairie’ by O.E. Rolvaag.   Published circa 1920s, it is the story of Norweigian immigrants who homesteaded in South Dakota plains.  I’m really enjoying it thus far.

Reading to Learn:

I’m learning new cooking techniques from “The Essentials of classic Italian cooking by Marcella Hazan” – most recipes call for ingredients too fancy, expensive or unavailable to me, but have mastered, with substitution, a couple of  basic sauce recipes, that I see multiple uses for, that really wow our taste buds.

Recipes learned from online search 2 weeks ago

Simple Irish Soda bread recipe that cooks in my toaster oven, nestled in a cast-iron skillet, will transition to solar cooker and even modified a recipe that makes an onion/garlic bagel style bread for Nathan, that goes from mix, to toaster oven and done in about 20 minutes.

I took pictures and wrote down process so if I ever get asked for the recipe or manage to publish the blog posts written, in need of refinement, I have what is needed to do quickly – 🙂

New to Me Movie pick for Week

“33 Postcards” on Amazon Prime

Official Trailer:

Song of the week

I couldn’t decide on one –

First comes to me, thus share with you,  via  Bloggy Pal King Midget as he continues in his quest to update his own ‘theme song’ – The Posts of this quest are full of great music, but thus far….I really like this one best  both for my ‘list of faves’ and what I see of his life, outside looking in….

Second is latest from Starset, a band my son introduced me too – the clear lead voice that allows me to  ‘hear the lyrics’ without having to look them up, and imbued with multiple levels of meaning and the imagery with multiple depths contained in the video…well – all of it continues to fascinate me regarding this band’s work:

Quote of the Week:

Technology’s role has begun to shift, from serving human users to pushing them out of the way so that the technologized world can service its own ends. And so, with increasing frequency, technology will exist not to serve human goals, but to facilitate its own expansion.~ From the Article “Why Nothing Works Anymore” by Ian Bogost

(8 minute read for those of you familiar with my tech reading style that doesn’t fit into your busy schedule and…

P.S. Tried to do ‘link’ from original news post at original site, sadly, original site too full of main page stuff, that took too long to load and 3 attempts at using ‘search’ function just didn’t work – maybe my slow internet, maybe issues on their side?  who knows?  But Pocket News link is what you get – 🙂

Technology is, to  me, rather like my 3rd generation shovel – I can, and yes will, someday, write about that whole metaphor, but until then here’s the short(er) recap of my mind musings over the past 3 years

My shovel helps me get what I want to do, done –

Sure, it needs some care, some sharpening, some skills to use effectively, but it doesn’t sit by the fence or in my kitchen/mudroom place saying, “love me, update me, pay for a snazzy new fiberglass handle every 6 months or so – and, ya know?  you need to learn new skills, too, if you want me to shovel wood chips this week, just like you did last week – )

😀

This Week’s Reminders…

Via many in bloggy world to be grateful for…

1. I’m glad I don’t live in Medieval Europe during the Plague, but nice window into what I already knew, but stories and pictures I hadn’t seen before.
2. Old, new, steadfast and challenges can exist side by side, be Functional AND Pretty, and there are always those souls who capture those things and share – here in WP land- 🙂
3. Still believe  online world is ‘what we humans make of it’ and I am done ‘experimenting’ in those forums I, apparently, will never fully understand the unspoken “rules/culture/ambience’ of – 🙂
4. There are many, many folks in the world who think my, “This is quick/dirty version, but if you can live with, for now, we can build out…” attempts at many things are awesome AND also continue to show up, for my tendency to say, “Hmpf – it’s just a start – you really want to build what you said?   Okay – here’s a general road map – options lay ahead – but till then – get hold of yourself – more work to do… have you thought of this?  How do you envision going forth on this … for you/daily life…?  Need…More…Input…”  – (via conversations and research/reading)

And, as always – was reminded of the places, the thoughts, life challenges & funnies, shared – which make me laugh without trying, entertain me, hearten me, inspire me –

All via  you fine Bloggy Pal folks who bring the world to my living room in such a gracious way.

(Want the links to? all of those bloggy pals??  Just click on the “My Community” Sidebar icons – I think most of those who enrich my life are listed in what the ‘widget listing’ display, (which long ago check of widget capabilities and after clean up’ of follow list *ahem* long ago (6 months?  a year?) actually displays links to those dear to my heart and who warm my grumpy, ole cynical heart.  Over and over….

At the very least, you’ll be taken to the folks I follow and who come to visit me –

You can, also, start to get plugged into  my tiny ‘numbers’, but mighty in beauty, global reaching network,  that doesn’t represent each and every location/culture/language – but still, nice broad spectrum of kind folks that might not agree with me or you on everything, but still often show up for  the conversation -:)

I am Grateful for you being you!

Take care and I’ll catch ya on the flip side! 🙂

(that’s CB/Truck Driver/Truck stop waitress talk, I think – at least – that’s where I picked it up from – It is, IMHO, the older version of “TTYL” – :D)

Now I got that ‘out of my system’….

That – being, in this case – my attempt to report on my own wanderings in spaces where time has no meaning, really and how much I miss out on because I’m lost in various ‘zones’ and such things – –

I just have to say –

I taste tested and ‘grazed’ all day during the great ‘food experiment’ day that I had so long put off doing, for the pure pleasure of it –

I also have, as previously observed by many in similar ‘phases’ of time, before, Not eaten enough to keep a bird alive – since – um….Sunday morning?

Not hungry – or if I am, I grap the equivalent of one hand sized portion – maybe prepared – maybe straight from fridge – and I’m not ‘waking up’ cuz I’m ‘hungry’ –

That said, I also learned long ago – while I enjoy tasty food, and enjoy good cooking, most times? I eat to live – experiencing pure joy over over-eating cuz I just can’t help myself, never happens to me ….

UNLESS!!!

The food involved has low to no nutritive value –

How do I know so?

Take the first two weeks the man-child moved home and shortly after my mom visited –

Mom brought store bought oatmeal snack cakes with the creme filling –

Son has more of a carb lovin/sweet tooth than I am tempted with occasionally-

and…figured, better have something more than a tablespoon of  peanut butter, mixed with raw honey and shoved down gullet at 3am, just to shut my body up and my recent re-dedication to not giving into my famous, Hot Tamale, Jolly Joes or Mike & Ike habit when stress strikes – –

End of the story?

Man those snack cakes tasted good – when they were in the house, I just kept eating – replaced –

And the more I ate, the hungrier I would get, in shorter time – and ate more –

Why?

Cuz – they weren’t fulfilling real nutrition needs – IMHO –

And had stuff in them, that, for whatever reason, tasted good enough to keep ‘wanting’ but in the end, was about as ‘efficient/effective’ as putting a butterfly band aid on  a mortar wound –

Not working….

I no “likey” the whole “not working” thing – – 🙂

ESPECIALLY when I’m eating more, satisfied less, and spending more –

The time/$ spent invested with no return on investment just really chaps my hide –

So – that said –

Why yes, I haven’t been able to truly enjoy purchased bread for over a year now – something changed, somewhere –

Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s manufacturing processes, maybe it’s something else –

Sometimes, though I crave some ‘bulk/sugar’ to ‘fill me up’ on the go – I can’t even get the morsel swallowed – my body rebels – –

Across the board – so it’s me – the source of food processed or changes in manufacturing/preserving shelf items – who knows?  Certainly not me –

But, in the past 8 weeks, I have either revisited the following lessons past-past learned:

1. home made bread from real sources (though seriously, the sprouted flour caused some issues, where has the regular flour, used for 24 hour ‘no-knead’ versions of attempts, did not) feeds me better on smaller amounts –

2. Farmer’s cheese, in handful or not quite drained to give ‘consistency’/texture of greek yogurt, and worked into bagel recipe,  satisfies me more, even made from powdered milk options, than same amount of purchased, ‘cheese’ I had in stock – and was ALSO spending vast amounts of $ on, store brand, for what I could afford, given my ‘craving/doing when busy’ consumption rates –

3. In the end – I know my band-aids for poor nutrition – poor exercise because I’m burning loads of calories ‘thinking about’ stuff that helps me to earn my grocery $ spent – I also know  – in the end?

Life is never, for me, better, than when I can eat gourmet/really planned for, anticipated full dinner OR when I have my tummy/senses fed, WHILE also eating on the run, cuz “I don’t have time to mess with cooking just now” –

And in the end – I guess, I still believe part of the ‘nutrition’ we get from stuff is wrapped up on many things – our intents, our motivations, our sources, our self-knowledge –

But again – when I work with ingredients, no matter how they are labeled, that are the result of sourcing the best I can, with the $ I have?

I am reminded, over and over of their blessings – and, thinking again, tonight, of my Dad’s usual ‘grace’ given, before a meal…

Thank you – bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it.

And all that works wonders – –

Except for store bought, low cost, snack cakes –

Trust me – I tried blessing the durn things and their ‘line of production’ from field to lab – to factory – to sales – distributors –

For three days – I HONESTLY tried!

Didn’t work – 🙂

At least not for me – 🙂

The other stuff used for my previous weeks experiments?  Well – I don’t know the origins of every single source, but most of them, I do –

And some, while not my ‘preferred, close to the source’ options, well, I TRUST those who provide the shelf stable options for long term food storage plans –

Why?  Because they are the ones that, via their website, in 2006, (2007?) were the ones that educated me and gave me the info on the different nutrients available in different kinds of beans –

They cared enough to do the tests/report on, and say, “from this you get that, from this one, you’ll get this”

And so, the ingredients used that I don’t know the hands that raised, harvested, butchered, etc.?

They all came from folks I’ve come to trust (except for the sprouted flour – it was on sale from vendor I’ve long used – maybe it’s fine – maybe it’s not – but just saying – – – )

There!   More of my pondering and…ta da – – AND I came in under 1,000 words, right?!?