Another Monday whipped out…sorta…

I start the week off with all kinds of loosely defined goals and plans for how I hope it goes – I am reveling in the new found freedom to work 14 hour days on the weekend, in order to hold more open/flexible some future weekday for requested meeting times, drop bys, phone calls, etc.

And…after my last ‘day’ at day job and first week or two into ‘freedom to work and work-play, as necessary, I quickly re-discovered my ‘Do not Disturb’ function on my phone, that in reality, wasn’t ever used much while I was busy working a day job…

Or only used, when sheer exhaustion and illness had me thinking,

“I might just get away with missing a text/email for awhile”

I knew two Sunday’s ago…

That the recent Friday – Monday time span would call upon me for some flexibility and adaptability – to meet known and not yet for sure known, needs of others I was okay with jumping through hoops to meet, even while cancelling social plans that included network building opportunities, for the weekend.

Bless those patient souls who understand my ever morphing life of juggling several things at one time

I watched external to me events, as Friday things got moved to Saturday things or Saturday things actually happened Friday.

As Sunday plans didn’t play out as originally scheduled, but held the space for Thursday, Friday and Saturday over-spills and additions, were mopped up –

I did navigate my way through today – where two of the “will happen sometime between Friday and Monday” things occurred –

And where two things that were hoped to be solved on Friday night, got closer to fruition, but still not ‘quite there’ yet.

And the seven new additions, but lower in priority, from Wednesday afternoon forward, that were whipped out on nearly auto-pilot while I pondered upon possible solutions for the main two items on the back burner of my mind, which was at a fair simmer, lazy boil by mid-day yesterday…and…

As of now?

My regularly scheduled “Do Not Disturb” phone function is turned back on

Gives me 6-9 hours of sleep, and 3-6 hours of unbroken, deep concentration time, for building/implementing new things, dependent upon how well I did my self-care operations today, which dictates how much sleep I will need, how much time it takes to wake up to functionality AND how good I feel hunkering down in front of computer once more.

After the long day today, though I was pretty good about ‘taking breaks’ and held the space of several planned for things to show up all at once, instead of spaced out like I thought they would – well – I know…

Nothing productive will likely come further from me pushing myself longer, just now.

The focus and fire that allows deep work ebbed out about 4 hours ago…

I bid you “Goodnight”

Via a story line that caught my attention enough to drag me away from ‘working’ land, this weekend, and I stopped, rewound and played back again from Sherlock Holmes, Season 4, Episode 1, that I had on for background noise while I worked –

(Yes, I often work to back ground noise – music, English accents, Edward Hermann, Morgan Freeman narrating a documentary OR the fella that narrates so many of the Ken Burn’s documentaries..

They all just sooth me while also fueling my focus on deep work – on many work fronts – often to the point where I’m not even consciously aware they are on/playing –

Not sure why, exactly and don’t particularly care why – whatever works when I’m discombobulated by a challenge, is what I go with… because every once in awhile, I am drawn out of my inner work world, where dragons are getting the upper hand – to chillax in the moment of now…

“The Appointment in Samarra”

(as retold by W Somerset Maugham [1933])

The speaker is Death

There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me.

She looked at me and made a threatening gesture, now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate. I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me.

The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went.

Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning?

That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.

I really liked both this looked up version and the other 2 versions found in antiquity writings shared at one blog and, I liked the paraphrased version done portrayed in Sherlock Holmes.

Mainly because, at the end of the day or road taken…

…and no matter where I travel – physically or mentally – I always end up sitting with myself – and often, with Death, who also speaks to me, via internal and external forums – sometimes, when I’m not really in the mood to hear about it – just now…

However, I learned long ago, putting off appointments with myself or teaching sessions with Death, just never work out for me, in the long run.

And so, I go to bed, filled with hope for tomorrow – because I sat for a time with Death so many of it’s various forms – off and on these past few days – My ego in need of taming, knowledge of my own mortality and fragility, my pride, my stubbornness and biases, news of where & how Death comes to others who ask ‘why?” and “how can this be so? Still?” and so many other things.

Sitting with Death isn’t always pleasant, but still, for me, pondering over it’s ways, while realizing I most likely will fail to grasp all it’s intricacies and wisdom to be shared, while still living and able to put that info to productive use – well –

Such things may seem dark and pessimistic to some – for me?

Keeps me grounded, I guess.

Here’s to Tuesday, right around the corner – šŸ™‚

Picture of supper left overs – from fridge to warmed in toaster oven to my tummy – 20 minutes – and Yummier than they were yesterday…

lay out some of the chicken… in cake pan I inherited and use for anything but actually baking a cake – –
Top with a spoon full of left over taters and gravy (put in same storage container yesterday evening …

No pictures of heated nor after dinner treats – no cravings for sweets or libations tonight – sigh – me and my content tummy are trundling off to bed now…

3 thoughts on “Another Monday whipped out…sorta…”

  1. I hear you, my friend. Hmmm sitting with Death? This is something new to me though I sometimes imagine what is like to die and who is coming to my funeral….( įµ˜ įµ• įµ˜ āŽ). Well, we need to sit down, have a few drinks and a long chat. (ą¹‘ā—”ā€æā—”ą¹‘)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is not even close to my first rodeo (as the lingo goes here) on the whole sitting with Death and/or his brother grief – Been a part of my world for some time – and, perhaps, it seems, long before me and thee met here! :). I really got my baptism by fire after 3 pretty close and successive losses in about 18 months – however, the one I learned the most from, was the loss of my son – and, after looking back, I guess, in the end, either I haven’t learned much, or learned it then, but I still, often, crack myself up – :). https://ballybin.wordpress.com/2010/08/18/fear-of-death/ and https://ballybin.wordpress.com/2010/08/05/grief-or-guilt/

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sorry – this one, too, is what I learned about myself while sitting with the dark side of me and the Universal things currently seen, at least here in my culture as things to be avoided or put off as long as possible – sigh – – I don’t know what works for everyone else, I just know I observe a lot of incongruent behavior from folks who say one thing and do another – and so often, to my perpsective, they are trying to either outwit, outrun or pretend Death and Grief do not exist – but they do, in my world and, in the end, the minute I stopped, listened or cried out, “Dude, you can have me anytime you want! Do…Not…Care…” I found a more meaningful way to go forward – I’m sharing these older posts because, in the end, I still value the lessons I learned – Whether they will need revised/updated in the future, remains to be seen – :). https://ballybin.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/supporting-grieving-parents/

      Liked by 1 person

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