…of the Christmas Letter.
The past few years I’ve noticed an increase in both the over-the-top cheery Christmas letter and/or the simple photo postcard that sends Holiday Greetings – because folks are ‘too busy’.
On top of that, whether it’s economics, worry over the state of the community/union/world, bad luck/health and/or the rise of social media profiles that seem to show ‘shiny, perfect lives’, I’ve recently heard an increasing amount of ‘sighs…I don’t know how I’m going to…Not sure I even want to… this year…” from many in my circle.
Thus, about two weeks ago, I speed wrote a Sample Holiday Season Letter to cheer up one who was down in the dumps.
It cracked me up so much, writing it, that I’ve gone back to it off and on, over the past couple of weeks, and now?
Well, I’d just like to send out a Holiday Greetings Letter to ya’ll, so that you may (just MAY!, mind you) share in the fun & joy I had while playing with stuff that comes more naturally than learning a gazillion different coding languages…..
I present to you…
The Authentic Christmas/Holiday Letter
Greetings Friends, Foes and Family!
Whew! What a year! It started off grand in January, when Mabel scored some magic seeds from Marv’s Poker Parlor.
During the raid that happened, shortly before she scraped her winnings off the table and was preparing to leave, the seeds were temporarily confiscated, but, with Mabel’s reputation for trying different plants on sandy, drought and bindweed-ridden ground, the local fuzz let her go with a fine, a promise to appear and gallantly gave her the seeds back.
She is really upset to learn it was an illegal poker room and now shut down. She was invited by her friends at the local church Bingo night and while they were all taken in, and are dealing with the loss, they have managed to copy-kat recipe the hot wings served at Marv’s (which are now available at Bingo Nights and better than the chicken salad that used to be served.)
Once she got recovered from the betrayal, Mabel’s paper cup indoor garden trials were shown successful for germination and she promptly made up 10,000 clay pellets for her place and Billy Joe Jim Bob’s back 10 at his farm, (next state over), scattered them all about while doing the hokey-pokey and WOW!
By July both crops were going gangbusters and tall enough to rival the famed Field of Dreams.
And…just as soon as DEA determines the THC level, we will know if the Family is sitting on a lucrative crop of industrial hemp OR if Billy Joe Jim Bob is going to jail (the next state over tends to frown on such things, no matter how innocently planted).
Mabel might manage to net a dollar-two-ninety-eight per ton, after paying for all licenses, permits and fees in order to wholesale her share of the questionable crop to a 5th from the retailer commodities buyer, since her place is located in friendly territory for such things.
With all that excitement going on, we rather blew past most summer holidays, what with Mother being back east to visit the home folk and unable to post bail or give character references –
Billy Bob Jr. came to the rescue and the cost of saving the wayward family members broke his bank account so much, he moved back to the ole homestead in August.
As summer turned to fall, we all found some relief & joy in the early winter weather as an excuse to do nothing, although Billy Joe Jim Bob is happy he is finally able to put all the snow removal equipment he purchased a decade ago, during the extreme drought, to good use.
With plowed lanes, Mother hasn’t missed very many water aerobics sessions & her physical therapy visits, which she attends faithfully.
(the family has heard tales there are slot machines in the women’s locker room at the gym and her PT is a hunk, but we haven’t confirmed either of these being the sole reason she is so fervent in getting out to her ‘appointments’.)
What with blowing snow, work schedules, low moods and bank accounts, the Family decided to just skip the holiday nonsense this year.
With the winter weather, winter blues, physical pain, broken hearts and/or potential charges hanging over all, we’re too busy working to earn fine funds or down in the mouth to even contemplate possibly delaying the get-together until next summer – for who knows what next summer will bring?
However, we just couldn’t bear to not send you something – a card, letter, cyber post – for we decided it wasn’t fair to leave the funding of the USPS, Internet providers and email hosts, all up to the folks with ample advertising dollars, junk mailings and/or a team of hackers & spammers on the payroll.
It just didn’t seem right – so here ya go.
As the season continues to unfold and we visit doctors, courtrooms and Mabel embarks on her jury-rigged homebrew experiments, please pray for our family to greet the new year with some good news on all fronts.
We hope the holiday season brings you what you need and here & there, that which you never dreamed possible but have asked Santa for since you were 3.
Oh – and happy frickin New Year/Election Year, to you, too!
P.S. We chose to send out physical letters using yellow legal sized note paper, to support the ‘upcycle/recycle’ movement.
Mabel discovered a stash of tablets when cleaning out the workshop & chicken house this past year. When we shook off the dust and chicken feathers, we realized it was perfectly good to use and the natural spatters look just like that fancy stamped stationary.