I’ve recently been engaged with yet another version of ‘forget the past, forget the future, just focus on now’ dialogue with another, and I seriously am having a hard time letting go of my stance of…
Um…living for just now, overall, as a collective society, is what is at the root of many of the challenges we face in going forward….
And all while I re-read the back and forth – closely look at myself, my ‘beliefs’ to find where my theory on Life doesn’t ‘hold water’ as a theory –
I have to say – I have discovered a deep, deep hurt in me that has not yet been healed – as in, those who have hurt me the most were those who ardently asked, then demanded, and finally got mad when I couldn’t just let the past be the past –
And I WAS willing for it to be so, until I discovered, they were just asking me for blank check to forget the past, and let them keep on doing what they had always done, into the space that was our ‘shared’ future reality – should I hang around for the show –
To me – there is the past –
And there are patterns –
And then – there are choices –
One choice is to ‘demand’ another forget the past and just show up and provide what is wanted by another – –
To me, that is manipulative and rather controlling and I ‘choose’ to not be that way – as best as I can –
Another choice is to have strict expectations over who/what/how everything goes and then go off and pout/sulk/whine when one doesn’t get one’s way and/or withdraw attention/affection in effort to ‘punish’ those who don’t do ‘what one wants’ by withdrawal of benefits (love, money, power, attention – whatever….)
Which makes sense over all, given our species early beginnings and evolution – but doesn’t make much sense now, in some of the various contexts I see it played out in…
And then, there’s the Padme option
I am a Star Wars fan – and really, I WANT to be a Padme type of person –
The one who assesses it all, and then just says,
“I cannot walk/follow you on the path you are taking. Please don’t do this – I love you but I can’t follow where you are going” –
And then – I’ve made my choice, voiced it and they make theirs and where it all ends up is where it ends up –
I grant you – this is not shared as evidence of me trying to be enlightened or what have ya – although such things have been presented to me as such – in the past…
But, at some point or another, we must all fish or cut bait –
Show up loaded for bear or decide it’s too rainy/cold of a day to be traipsing around the forest anyhoo –
No need to go tell others what they should believe or how they should believe or what they should do – really – cuz, in the end –
You can lead a horse to water, but afore ya do, remember what a wet horse smells like…
Festus
I’m not entirely sure anyone is completely cognizant of their own every move, every moment, of every day – especially not when under fire/stress –
I know I’m not –
When I get backed into a corner or under ‘fire’ I think I probably do what any living thing does – scramble to survive – and for me, only with the time & leisure later, to look upon my past, and assess past decisions, do I personally have any insights into myself and gain the insight or personal power to choose differently in the future, or NOW…
Getting ‘lost’ in the past is a real danger
It is, I grant that point of the counter-argument – I know it is so, because there have been times when I have done so myself.
I made it out – eventually – and I also learned more about myself each time I got ‘lost’
And yet, I cannot (yet?) embrace wiping the slate of the past completely clean for myself or others or are shared reality – for it feels to me like ‘wiping away any knowledge’ that may lurk in me own world and my collective worlds’ past –
(No, “worlds'” is not a typo – I count my sleeping, dreaming, meditative planes as ‘additional worlds where I show up and experience – and I often venture into the worlds of others, too – just by reading/listening….)
And I’m not willing to let go of all that just yet – what a treasure trove of perspectives – the opportunity to, for a moment in my timeline, live many lives, at once…
Plus, in the past ALSO lie the memories that are treasured – the ones that I pull out to cheer myself up with, or give me hope, when the present seems so full of never ending challenges and I’m tired and not feeling very hopeful or cheerful –
And in the past, my past, my inherited collective past, also lies answers on options on how I might go forth in a better way – today –
And so, though I’m not really a black/white, either/or type of gal –
I realize, after all these years, in the game of Life, I’m still a Poker Player –
If I’m going to play the hand, then chances are – I’ll be all in – past included