I Shall Miss You…

Today, I attended the funeral of one who encouraged me in my writing dream.

He died before ever I even sent him one chapter of ‘first draft’ of the book he encouraged me to write – even though I thought, “not marketable” and …

Even though he said it was welcome on his reading table and he didn’t care how bad that first draft was.

Today, I stood by, on the fringes of the large community that made an effort on many fronts, to be there – to honor him, his life, and to let his family know, he was known and remembered fondly.

And all I could think of was what a difference he made on so many fronts, in so many ways….

For me – just little ole me – yeah, yeah, he did so many wonderful things on so many global – GLOBAL FRONTS!- mind you – but there I stood – and all I could think of was how badly I would miss his presence in my life.

I thought of the times when his short emails, or spoken words or written words could either make me soar with the eagles I had done something right, or vow, next time, I won’t let him down.

He never judged or scolded me for speaking my heart and sending flowery, long winded emails – or notes or letters –

He always let me know he had received and appreciated.

On work things? He always pushed me – found fault with various ideas – – always pushing me to ‘be better’ consider this, consider that….-

I shall miss that man. I shall miss everything about him.

I shall miss the times we argued on some fronts and he told me I was wrong or was missing the point.

I shall miss his kind-hearted ways that somehow, loved the soft parts of me that so seek expression and he was one of the few that read what I wrote when baring my soul, and said, “Thank you” or ” that was good…”

He loved the very parts of me that come easy and let me know I was loved, even while he held me to a higher standard on other fronts and pushed me towards reaching them – –

For me, it’s like I lost, again, today, my dad, all over again.

The funny thing is – we didn’t know each other that long.

And I wasn’t ever part of his inner circle.

And not my place to say such things or claim such things, without causing hurt to others.

And so I won’t – but – today – a very, very important mentor in my life, will no longer be around to laud or encourage me to ‘do better’ –

And another voice that made me who I am, now, is lost – and I thought, perhaps I had become immune to such things, through pure stubbornness in not ever getting that close to someone again….

Never trusting someone that far again….

And never, ever, shall I let someone see me cry, ever again – –

But you see me crying, now, don’t you, Mr. Mentor –

That’s okay if you see me crying –

And someday, I hope we stand together, once again, and I can’t wait to argue my point and then hear you say, “well, this was good, but you have to learn…..”

I’ll miss you.

Very, Very much.

Until we meet again –
LUB
Tam