Or, in social media labeling world, ‘it’s complicated” –
I have been growing more quiet online and find myself growing quieter in person – – withdrawing and, if truth be told, suffering from frustration, a lack of hope, energy or inspiration given my own actions, interactions, etc., these past few weeks, as I wear out from the cadre of changing fronts, the cries for justice, the multiple ideas put forth by many, of ‘what needs to happen’ that, no matter what front they come from, I cannot fully grasp as being not only helpful for me, but overall, helpful for many – –
The ideals, ideas, hard lines drawn in the sand on many, many fronts and issues, overall, always, to me, fail to meet the mitmus test of my brain & heart on whether I shall support, get on the bandwagon, etc., on all fronts –
Simply because – they all seem to be focused on one slice of the issue – granted – each individual, community, group, should pursue educating or informing others, etc., and play in the fields of what they do best – –
On the other hand – I look to myself – what do I have to offer? Do I dilute myself to serve on many connected fronts and be ineffective on all? Do I drill down to focus and be massively effective in a small front, knowing, that should I do so, I will have effectively cut myself out of opportunities to learn more, and see where collaboration could be mutually beneficial?
Why yes, I’m in Dark Night of the Soul phase – – –
They are hitting faster and harder these past few years – I can only console myself with the thought, “I’m on the right path, of learning, and each lesson learned means the deliverance of ideas and lessons and calls for improvement just arrive faster and harder – -“
Because, afterall, baptism by fire or getting thrown into the deep end of the lake to learn to swim is a rather ‘connecting theme’ in my life thus far, and anytime I try to walk another path, no matter how long, it goes uglier, more heartbreaking than if I just showed up and took the fast balls thrown by life as I used to do when I was too young and stupid to realize, I might, with work and discipline, change my basic make-up – –
I no longer believe that – for me, I may leverage off my skills and inborn talents/way of being – –
I may learn how to harness my flaws to better serve me and those around me, but, overall, I cannot, nor should I, change the inherent me –
So that’s my update after long silence on either visiting, commenting or writing – –
But after months of exploration – weeks of trying to ‘turn away’, ‘run away’, melt away, etc., into me own little cave – and the ugly moments that occurred when I tried to interact best as I knew how those who followed me into my cave – when I cried out for assistance, or to be left alone, etc., I awoke this morning with rather, a deeper commitment to, “okey-dokey, this is what it looks like, just now – live with it – find a way to live with it without sacrificing your soul – find a way to survive without closing all doors – “
And I was reminded of a long ago video clip that was put out in 2010 – that I’ve re-watched twice and still can’t find a reason to discount any of the high level ideas/ideals presented that so impacted my life a decade ago when I first viewed it.
I see echoes of the same cries for change among so many current groups and mediums –
I also see the same core solutions that are not serving us well, over all, within the questions posed within it –
11 minutes – – a decade ago – an hour ago –
And so, I’m sharing it again – to say,
Um..yup – I and the world I live in has changed mightily, and yet, for me, nothing has changed when I contemplate the ideas and thoughts shared within this – –
What does that mean for me? For you? Guess we shall each wait and see….