You Say it Best – When You Say Nothing at All –
Sharing my fave version of that song, by Alison Kraus –
Some 15,000+ written words later that sits in trashed, or saved draft, or ‘needs editing’ mode –
After some weeks, months…. years of frustration? Overall?
Let this suffice to ‘update my blogroll’ and yes, you’re right – when I go quiet it means, overall,
I’m in Exponential Existentialism Crisis Mode –
I’ve survived such things before, no reason to think I won’t this time around –
So here ya go – short quick, easy post for me,
perhaps, I got my internal arguing with meself, done, while writing that which may, never, be published,
but at the end of the day, some string music accompanied by a voice, I personally believe, is gifted by the Angels, is what was needed –
Which is why, it’s inherently easier to share the work of others than put in the effort to say it, play it, create it, yourself (you, me, anyone…..)
This is just where I’m at – – too many other things for dailing living just take way more energy than to leave much to spare over, anymore, to wax personally creative, eloquent or persuasive, overall –
I’ve now hit Rock Bottom – I’m one of the Hoarding, Madding Crowd of Easy Social Media personages –
It occurs to me that, sadly, no one it seems, anymore, is allowed to quietly die from a broken heart or in silent rebellion against the system within which they find themselves – even when they wish to ….be done….
So, perhaps, once again (like many times before) I shall find a reason to once more keep showing up – but the older and tireder I get, the less I desire wading into any new adventures, even online –
…even for reading & researching, for me own edification time that benefits no one but my internal needs, overall….
and I never thought I would live to see such a day, where the very activities that I used to love, and rather enjoyed doing, now?
Rather leave me, anymore, just feeling rather hopeless and useless…..
On some fronts, I’m not totally useless, just yet –
I still work, drink and smoke tobacco, therefore, I’m doing my part to consume and pay taxes in order to keep us all afloat for just a tad longer – – 🙂
Today? That’s about the best gratitude thingee I can really come up with on my place in this world or what I do to earn my ‘keep’ –
Some days, I can be funny –
Somedays, I encourage someone else to laugh, to dance, to sing –
Here and there I say what many were thinking but none risked saying so out loud, but were glad I said so…..
I have my gifts, here and there, but overall?
I’m not seeing where or how the application of most of them benefits me, one whit, overall – in the end – or makes navigating the current realities any easier or better, nor have I seen it for a long damn time –
I have no doubts whatsoever that others depend upon me, value me, on various fronts, etc., but I ask you – really – how long does one show up to serve the empire of all that is rotting us all from within?
Not long – in my estimation –
Just a futile effort to believe one’s life really has meaning and welll….
just look at the Romans – and quite frankly, I’m becoming too tired to make the massive effort needed, anymore, to go rogue and kick everyone’s ass – 🙂
But, perhaps next week, there will be more ups than downs – more meaning and less bullshit tempest in a teapot options to choose from- who knows?
Which is why I keep opening my eyes each morning, discover I’m still breathing and say to the Universal All –
“Okay – I woke up…am breathing again….Thanks for saying it all when you say nothing at all…..”