March 2021 – The Good, Bad and Ludicrous

Outside My Door

I ‘popped awake’ at o-dark-thirty this morning.

Blessed with a deep peace within my body and soul.

Both of which had, the past two days, been protesting and nagging me in one way or another.

Grateful, I clambered out of bed to start the day a bit sooner and easier than I have so many days this past year.

By the time daylight appeared, I realized, once again, how grace had found me and how end of yesterday, desperate prayers are so often answered.

The harsh, noisy, sharp and jarring things that often invade both my internal and external worlds, were all muffled overnight.

Courtesy of Mother Nature.

Early Daybreak Roof and Grandfather Pine

Between my viewing early and a short hour later, the fluffy flakes continued their fall.

Sometimes heavier/thicker, sometimes lighter and faster.

A minute here, a moment there, they fall at a slant, dancing without prediction through time and space.

I find myself continually distracted from work this morning.

Not by digital reminders, inquiries from customers, or busy flurry of social media, mind you.

I simply find myself taking more breaks from work to open the door and gaze upon the gifts of Spring in Colorado.

An hour or so later – I can see where I shoveled, but not clearly because of continuing snowfall

I still marvel at and feel blessed when these kinds of snow storms arrive, no matter how out of sync I am with the world or myself, in the time leading up to the moment.

For, after all, I’ve witnessed moisture in form of snow that arrives on the howling winds of the Valkyrie, where one is forced to realize they must choose and choose carefully! which battle to ‘fight’ just this moment in time.

I’m reminded of those who have walked from home to barn for chores, while using a rope strung between, to keep connected and avoid being lost in a landscape of eternal white.

Those who drive their own known landscape to check on soon-to-be-spring-mamas livestock, while horses, pickups or ATVs struggle through the blindness ahead, weight added to progress below, and landmarks disappear beneath soft blanket of gently rolling contours that is hard to recognize.

I think also of those who commute forth to work and then back home at a crawl….

Where 1 mile of the white abyss above and the slick, can’t be trusted ground below, feels like 10 miles have passed, MUST have been traversed by now and confusion over just when they will reach sharp curve?

Only to find out a few miles traveled, later, in one brief moment of clarity by stilling winds, they are still on approach.

All these things happen to modern humans still….often or here and there.

In landscapes where GPS doesn’t work, where cell phone signal fails and online maps, if accesible aren’t always accurately labeled.

The World and Individual Merge Sometimes

Where the only thing you can count on is your experience, knowledge and tools you have with you, when all that stands between you and survival is you and Mother Nature only.

Where you hope the mode of transportation you are utilizing, performs as well as you hope it will, to get both of you back to safety or grace you with the ability to ride out the storm – be it your own feet, a living thing that is stronger, larger, and kinder than you? or a mechanical version of ‘latest greatest’ options humankind has brought to market.

All while modern forecasts and warnings abound early and often.

Via digital notifications, social media and warnings from local family, friends and neighbors who assidiously do their best to keep you informed….

For some folks?

EVEN our internal framework whispers or shouts at us, to inform us –

A storm is on the way….

But also whispers,

Where are you going to be when the storm hits?

For many? Depends on what prior agreements or future gains are to be made on the ‘go out/stay home’ options, best as they can surmise with the data they have now.

For those who have done before and still do, the above challenges?

I like to think they never fully forget the fury nor do they fail to appreciate the beauty of moisture when the storm arrives gently.

Or they move to live where blizzards and/or snow never happen, first chance they get.

Bearing Burdens with Grace

From my earliest memory, I recall the concern over wet spring snows and the damage that can be done to trees by those storms.

I still wonder – Do the trees bear the weight as long as the wind doesn’t show up insisting they bear the burden AND twist with dexterity in face of the wind’s whims?

Or do they break when hampered by additional drag AND a wind that insists they ‘go with the flow’?

I do not claim to know.

All I currently would profess to knowing is….

There are spring, wet, heavier snows. There are colder, dryer, more windswept winter snows.

And sometimes the boughs break and sometimes, they do not.

Many in my tribe have been taught well, early on, even before speech or walking or the yearning for self-determination, the realities as understood, on this topic.

We are taught gently and quietly, via a soothing voice and gentle hand, often in the dark of the night, the facts regarding that when the wind blows, our cradle will rock – when the bough breaks, our cradle will fall.

The lullaby doesn’t tell us exactly when the bough will break, or if we will survive the fall or not.

The Snow Falls, The Trees Stand

The evergreen pines this morning are, thus far, carrying the weight of wet spring snow with grace and aplomb and remind me each time I gaze out at them, that I too, have burdens to carry and perhaps my bough will break, perhaps I shall fall, but maybe…

I am strong enough to carry the weight, until it melts away or the wind shows up.

If the Wind shows up and demands I twist & turn in agility, submission, while carrying the weight, and I go with the flow?

I may survive it –

I may Break and Fall –

Perhaps, I shall break here and there, but remain standing.

Who knows?

Certainly not I…

But springtime snow storms remind me, perhaps, all I need do is stand still and wait.

It’s Colder now

As the front moves through in all the ways I do not understand, scientifically, I feel the air on my face and realize, it is colder now, than it was near dawn.

A streak of black captures my eye and I watch one of the calico feral cats, bound across the white expanse that must appear bigger to them, than to I.

And then pause,to gaze right back in my direction, though I haven’t moved yet.

The latest generation of adults, from long ago calico who first brought her babies here to raise.

Their mother or grandmother sat and gazed in my direction, often, in other moments of years past, in much the same way.

Quizzically, as if to see, what shall I do?

Simply assessing if I’m a threat?

Wondering if I’m capable to go out and hunt up breakfast in snow all by myself?

I give up trying to ‘think I know what the cat might be thinking’ and instead, snap a picture.

The cat, as if their patience with my photo taking has been rewarded quickly, turns quickly away and bounds through the snow across the alley, perhaps on their way to ‘hunt up some breakfast’ from my neighbor’s woodpile?

Given the great reduction of needing to set mouse traps in my home this past year it occurs to me perhaps they have ‘hunted’ my place out or the local rodent population has figured out my place isn’t the safest place to hide/set up housekeeping.

Who knows?

Certainly not me.

I can only observe and strive to remember what I observe – both in the past and as time goes by.

One Front Wanes

I returned once more to work , and a few hours later, realize- this storm front has passed for now…

The air and room are not as cold. More light fills house from outdoors.

I gaze outdoors to find a driveway cleared – no shoveling or plowing – it’s darker ground, heat sink (?) and engineered long ago layers means, it’s melting before the flora areas are.

The doorway shoveled so very early this morning is no longer shoveled and again covered in white, but just for a ways….

The roof that repels sun in summertime, manages to melt up and ‘shed it’s weight right onto growing beds – except for those areas of pesky doorways – that must be removed…..

And, despite a life fashioned to work from home, no livestock to care for outside, I must monitor my doorstep and the first 6 feet of walk way today.

For I haven’t yet decided how to rebuild the porch/walkway for optimum functionality over what was here when I moved in 8+ years ago (!) and for now?

Needs moved, for snow/snowmelt not removed today, while it’s warm, will turn into hockey rink to walk across as night temps continue to re-freeze what melted a few short hours before….

Now I must return to work

I am reminded, once again….

Trees keep on being trees – cats keep being cats if I don’t insist on domesticating them…and me?

I am given grace and beauty –

That beckons to me ….always…..

From right outside the door.

Happy Spring!

No matter what the calendar/astronomy/astrology or the cosmos says, I rarely ‘celebrate spring’ just when I’m ‘supposed to’.

Spring is Heralded at Bally Bin when….

The rhubarb and irises poke their heads out to do their ‘own’ thing.

Easter and Mother’s Day are heralded by the lilac bush putting on buds, and/or getting nipped in the bud – at which point, I cry and think…’maybe next year!’

Tomorrow?

I’ll be outside walking the place and looking carefully at mulched areas and eagerly hoping for any SMALL sign from perennial plants that Spring as actually arrived –

For today?

After seeing so many other posts sharing Spring Heralds, Well Wishes and Celebrations of Spring – well – I just had to post what dreams I have and remember, as I yearn for spring.

Some years, the dreams show up – some years, I miss the moment they arrived and others? I spend Spring and Summer, hoping my neglect in supplemental watering or keeping bindweed at bay in some areas, hasn’t ‘killed the dream’ of what could be.

Below then, are past photos of spring and summer.

A reminder to myself of what Spring flora so often deliver on, all while, overall, my memory of them in my heart and brain, keeps m ‘dreaming, yearning, hoping’ year round.

No matter what the calendar, temperature, forecast says or when it says so, for my locale – the beauty of past springs and summers whispers to me to “Remember!” –

To lose my faith even those times when both my internal and external worlds, feel ‘stuck’ in the perpetual dormancy of winter.

Hope this finds you and yours well.

Decision Time arrives….Early!

After the storm that ‘was to be’ never really played out as predicted, here at BallyBin, we are ‘back to routine’ amidst perhaps 4-6″ inches of snowfall that has now been removed to growing areas, a clear driveway and opening highways surrounding us, even though wind in various areas of the plains means adverse visibility and driving conditions to the northeast of us.

The man-child went to work as usual –

Some of the poor, poor children (and their teachers!) in our state and areas affected, did not even get a snow day today.

Since ‘deal with COVID’ impacts last year means, the online systems are in place and some schools chose to say, “Yes, in-person closed, but hey! We’re doing e-Learning instead, so put away the sled, and get online to do your schoolwork”…

A sad, if small, testament to the unintended consequences of ‘rising to meet the current challenges’ that may have forever changed the beloved tradition of my childhood and adult working life – “SnowDay! Yay! A free unexpected mini-vacay day OR one less thing to wrangle today in addition storm survival/recovery”.

I digress from the Decision Report….

This morning I learned from friend (who I called to see if they were dug out yet, since they live north and in higher windswept potential area) and she, all vaccinated up, as she is older than I, inquired when I was scheduled to get my vaccine.

I laughed and said, probably not until next fall sometime…..

But, I hadn’t checked the news OR the state website since last Friday –

The day, when they announced phase 1B.4 of vaccination schedule, to start on March 19th – –

The phase which includes the following bullet point list of eligibility:

People age 50 and older.
Frontline essential workers.*
People with high risk conditions.
Continuation of operations for state government and continuity of local government.*

Because I’m over 50….

There is already initial urging from friends that I should go.

Now I must decide if I take place in the line, now, or wait.

Let Philosophy 101 Operations Begin!

I have, for myself, tried hard to apply the non-discrimination laws to my own life and decisions.

I’m also rather a fan of ability/meritocracy systems that aren’t silently ‘skewed’ behind the scenes by those who are greedy for their own gains and try to shove gifts and talents into a narrow mold of ‘deemed acceptable’.

Thus, just because I’m a certain race, gender, age, or know how to do some various things, I don’t just assume that me getting some of the vaccination stores available just now is perhaps the best, overall choice for me to make, given supply/demand logistics.

The Ark Test

For the most part, when faced with these kinds of decisions, I prefer the “Ark” test – i.e.:

If reality became akin to the movies Armageddon, Comet or 2012, would I, as I am, right now, be granted a place in the bunker or the ark?

Nope. I wouldn’t. I’m past child bearing age (continuation of species), have raised my children (not primary caregiver for next generation who will continue the species), and given my skills, talents, education level, physical and mental abilities, right now, today?

Nope – I would not be chosen to ensure the continuation of our species, our way of life, or for the preservation of our culture/art, etc.

Therefore, just because the list says so….

…doesn’t mean, I’m going to rush right out to be first in line just because it is, after all,

“MY RIGHT and ‘they’ said I could!”

I can think of so many others, in my age range, some older, some younger, right here in my community, who should get the vaccine before I do, especially, the following:

Primary earner’s for a household, who work lower wage, but essential jobs.
Those in my age group who have way more physical issues than I do….
Those who have vulnerable family members who cannot risk getting COVID, at all.
Single parent households
Elderly and child caregivers
Those who work full time in essential services AND volunteer their time for local government operations

In just the above list? I can, in my small town, think of, (I actually counted them up while thinking of them) 23 in their prime, adults, who should, if they wish to get vaccinated, should be eligible to get the vaccine before I do.

Included outside of the 23 are a couple of women I thought of, who no longer live here.

One is the widow of one of my classmates. Her children are young though they are fast approaching high school graduation.

Another 2 females I thought of right away are divorced because their husbands decided they wanted a ‘new life with their mistress’ and both have primary custody of very young children (ex is off on his new life, no time for the kiddos) AND work 1 or 2 jobs to make ends meet.

That kind of daily schedule for them, right there, makes them tired, stressed and well…immune system compromised…overall, no matter how hard they try to ‘take care of themselves’ when time and money affords them such luxuries.

I know, because I’ve lived it – and well – their teen (for one family) and very young (ages 3-5) children for the other two, shouldn’t be left without their primary parent IF it can be avoided – which, perhaps, it could be, should they be given the vaccine before folks like me.

This doesn’t make me generous or altruistic…

Lest you be led astray into thinking such things.

I do think, overall, such reasoning, in the end, is ultimately about me, and my own selfishness.

I look about me and since I also have the unique set of circumstances that allows me to greatly limit my interactions, going out and about, can work from home and have no small children or elderly in my home to care for, I would rather ‘miss my place’ in line, than LIVE with the regret should one of those ‘next phase’ or ‘should have gotten the shot this phase’ folks missed out and died.

I just don’t want to live with knowing I played a ‘part’ in that possibility unfolding. Not that I would be ‘wholly’ responsible…

But then, think about it –

Toilet Paper shortages didn’t JUST happen on the shelves because one person bought 2+ gigantic packs while they were ‘out and about’ –

It happened because MANY people chose to do so – many of whom, on their own, probably felt they weren’t doing anything to ’cause’ the shortage, themselves….

(It’s my understanding the shortages ALSO happened because so much more of the entire population was using the bathroom at home, instead of work/school/store and while those gigantic rolls of toilet paper sat in warehouses, not needed by public places, few Americans chose to say, “Sure, let’s buy that big roll of toilet paper, it will balance on the tub edge, won’t it? maybe we could move a night stand into the bathroom to hold it….but we can wipe and flush, right?” – Just saying…..)

May sound strange, or dark, to you, but to me?

Assessing the facts of matter given my own knowledge of me and those around me that are observable, and spending even the barest modicum of time thinking about possible scenarios is, to me, a portion of my own operations to meet ‘living with no regrets’.

No matter who says what, some of my regrets in life that I’ve tried hard to either do better or never repeat had nothing to do with Carpe Diem or taking a risk or going big or going home!

They simply had to do with me not thinking about what I would have to ‘live with’ on knowledge of myself, even when everything around me said, “legal, ethical, it’s your right, etc., etc.” and I took actions that at the time seemed to be in line with ‘taking care of me, so I can take care of others’ but in the end?

Were selfish selfish – I did what I wanted because, to be honest, I didn’t even spend anytime thinking about who else would be affected, really, IF many chose to do just as I chose to do….

Not all people on Medicaid, Food Stamps or Public assistance are lazy, drug heads – but all it takes is several of our population saying they are, over and over, and all the sudden, it’s accepted as ‘true’.

Not all homeless people ‘want that lifestyle’ nor did they make poor decisions and yes, perhaps they are homeless on purpose just because, they don’t want to be a burden to those they love… who may not be set up well for them to stay indefinitely at their home.

See? To me, one individual decision may or may not change all of history, but individual decisions have a way of gathering together to create unintended consequences.

There are many, many, essential workers, who are younger than I, that provide more important services than I, who also, given statistics, have many more years of contributing to their communities, the GDP and tax base to provide public services, than I do.

So whether you are ‘equality of life’ for everyone liberal, or a conservative who focuses on the deficit, our economy, etc. – well – yes, I’ve generally, overall, thought of most of this stuff.

And if you’re of the guru-self-improvement happy-wappy set – do not EVER think I do not value myself or actively suicidal.

I have, for some time, here and there, and more as the years have gone by, become more attached via my experiences, observations and learning more, to at least ATTEMPTING to do my best to be a ‘3rd party observer’ of my own choices and passions – which, for me means only one thing to ask of myself evereyday – and be honest as I can hope to be with myself: “What am I producing and what am I consuming? And is my production efforts coming close to my consumption efforts?

“There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs.”
Thomas Sowell, A Conflict of Visions: Ideological Origins of Political Struggles

I must be honest with myself AND you…

Or, just now, as much as I can be, even while I might be lying to myself… and you…

What? Why are you surprised? You know I LOVE brain studies, sociology, psychology and history – human beings are ACES at lying to themselves, over and over! Sheesh! I’m human, thus, I have the potential to be a world class liar at birth – just saying…

Part of my thinking also includes, the fact I have never fared well through winter flu season overall, but often, WORSE! the years I got the flu shot.

While it is true, through a unique set of circumstances, I contracted Swine flu at work, which turned into pneumonia, which turned into pleurisy and waited out the agonizing months while the tendons I had ripped out in my sternum area healed from the rips caused by coughing….the year I didn’t get the flu shot….

That was the worst year and I’m still not certain getting the flu shot that year would have made a difference – because, for me, it’s over and looking back to that year to see if the discussions regarding ‘well, missed the boat on that one didn’t they’ regarding which strain to vaccinate for, that particular year, may have been updated by more data and perusal, since last I tried to assess to see if I was a fool for NOT getting the shot that year….

But, that year, I was considered in my prime, was not working at a place I felt was high risk area for contracting flu, employer didn’t require/provide /demand and que-sera-sera – I made my choice and then lived with it.

The 4 years winter seasons of my life I did get the annual flu shot never really turned out that well either…

From the 1993 initial massively swollen & painful arm that an R.N. girlfriend of a co-worker said, “Um…you should go to ER, that is not a usual reaction to shot…”

To which I replied, “Yeah, I called. They told me to quit whining and it will fix itself in a day or two.” and..then turned back to do my job, even while I glanced at the clock to see how long before I could go home and ice the sucker and drink enough beers I didn’t care how bad it hurt….

All the up way to the other 3 years where the following conversations took place sometime in December – March, after getting vaccinate in October:

“Yes, doctor, I had the flu shot – I got sick last week, felt like a head cold – didn’t catch it in time with self care, fluids and rest, so now I have (bronchitis/pneumonia) and just give me the pills/write the note so my boss knows I went to the doctor, ain’t faking it and tell him and me when I can return to work without infecting others, please….”

The second part of True Confessions portion of honesty….

Is the fact I have, off and on, been a smoker since I was 16.

Although I have quit various times – ranging from 3 months to 6 years, or got myself weaned down to 3-4 cigarettes a day…which is ALMOST quitting without becoming Attila the Hun given nicotine withdraw….

I am, in fact, a smoker – even when I quit.

I’ll always be a smoker, whether I’m smoking right now or not.

I smoked for a time, thus, I’m on the ‘list’ of ‘smokers, it’s required on any insurance, or health care providers intake form and no matter which perusal of societal thinking, service providing, taxation or legislation you look at, they will all at one point or another, inform you through verbiage or higher costs, that I’m a smoker and in the end, I deserve whatever I get/happens to me and I have only myself to blame.

Long ago?

I was very disappointed to learn a much older friend, whom I liked and who had been a mentor to me, who also smoked way more than I did, who also happened to have a good job and good insurance…

….I learned he had put himself on the lung transplant list – at age 60+ ( I never really knew how hold he was – for all I know he could have been 80…)

To my way of thinking? He wrecked his lungs purely due to his own choices (not inherited diseases, like cystic fibrosis, although it could be argued the ‘craving for nicotine’ or ‘susceptibility to lung issues due to smoking’ are, ultimately, a portion of what we are born with…)

I Just couldn’t understand it.

He had lived 60 or so years of life, and lived it hard – – worked 80+ hour weeks, ate whatever he wanted, gained weight and didn’t work out for ‘health’, drank whiskey neat anytime after lunch, smoked like a choo-choo train for most of his life since age 11…etc.

Well, okey-dokey then – didn’t he just shove 120 years of slow lane hits to his body into 60 years of fast lane living and well….

Hadn’t he already won the bet with his doctor that he wouldn’t make it past age 45???! Hadn’t he bragged about that over and over?????

I held him in such high regard in so many other areas of life and work that he navigated with brutal honesty towards others and himself, and while I knew I would miss him, didn’t want him ‘gone’ anytime soon, I confess to silently being really disappointed in him for failing to pay the piper when the bill came due via his own resources.

I RARELY ask WHY on Death

Especially when an adult is older than 60 – or a child born early and given 19 surgeries to ‘live’ in the first few years of life, and not expected to live past age of 10, dies at age 23.

I don’t ask why someone diagnosed with cancer, told ‘we can only manage it’ dies 3 years after the doctor gave the ‘time frame’.

I just don’t. On these fronts?

Any time past the ‘expected’ is, to me…time that was gifted and appreciated.

I do, however, still ask ‘why’ when a child or a nursing mother starves to death – what can be done about that?

When a homeless vet dies of hypothermia or by his own hand, on the streets

When an otherwise healthy teenager choose suicide over living another day –

IF I’m going to ask why, understand, try to change what I can, I focus on the things that I hope a change in the human heart, systems we build and understanding of such things might lead to better outcomes –

I do not question ‘why’ if I should die tomorrow – or tonight –

I’m a smoker, have had a stroke, have been ill enough enough times in my life it was ‘touch and go’ and well?

I’ve been living on ‘extended’ time, from my view, for quite a long time – thus, signing up in some mad rush to preserve my own life awhile longer, well…rather doesn’t seem right or fitting for me –

Thanks for listening while I debate with Myself!

After Writing this all out – I confess….

I’m still Undecided…

I surmise I won’t be trying to line up on first day, this coming Friday (March 19th) and the man-child roommate and I already had the initial discussion, given he is the closest, most affected individual should I contract/die from COVID, for a variety of reasons…

He said,

“Mom, do what you want to do/feel is right”

So, for now? Given his tossing the ball back into my court?

I’ll be ‘pondering upon’ this decision for just a tad or more while longer…

Hope this finds you and yours well.

I Double-Dawg Dare Ya….

Read this website page from Thomas Sowell’s website, a page About Writing

I landed on his website, which I do so hope is an official one – and my little webmaster mind, coupled with my older, failing eyes and my inherent biases on cyber land and site navigation, etc., all took over – in – GASP!

Judgement followed quickly by, thought/possibility of “hmm, could I, within 24 hours knuckle down, redesign and keep his voice/flavor of the site, lifetime of work? Could I???

(I’m just NOW getting around to working through DECADES of his work via online clip offerings, while waiting for his books to arrive – yes, he came onto my radar some long time ago and has been on my radar off and on for a long time – if ever I heard of him in high school, I have no memory of it – but in me own online ‘read and try to learn a durn thing here and there? quest, I come across his work, or footnotes on his work, often – just here and there and never in my face ‘must do now!’ ways….)

Could I, in 24 hours or less, send off a link to a ‘redesigned site’ dev site, that is more navigable to online reading than his current one??

Nope and really rather an insult to his work if I thought I could – 😀

I talked myself out of it before a moments worth of pondering

Mainly because:

I was not requested to do such things by Thomas Sowell
I have other work in need of doing and doing this means I’m just avoiding doing my real work…
Not as hungry for volunteering/wasting my time just to soothe my inner angst in this manner as I was for the pure ‘alleviation of my inner conumdrums’ activities” as I was when I was younger and had more energy to spare….

But, for you writers, in my sphere, here….

I figure, if you can read/navigate the page?

You’ll like the overall tone, humor AND you will feel akin to it….

Or at least, after reading many of your posts, and reading his page?

I figure you will ….

*Note – Featured image for this post is via screen shot of the page – the site is secured via SSL AND it resizes paragraphs given computer browser size – which earns it a ‘basic’ seal of approval from me, even though I wasn’t requested to bestow such things.

I didn’t even waste time testing on my cell phone – I had already talked myself out of ‘doing volunteer re-design’ option long before that thought occurred to me AND well –

I READ it –

With breaks in between to rest my eyes, check the snowfall/need to shovel, say hidey-ho to the neighbor who graciously plowed the driveway, etc….

I laughed while reading-

I also muttered, “ain’t that the f**ckn or bloody truth?” to myself, during reading time, too and well –

The page/article/thoughts – in my mind?

It has done it’s job overall.

and who knows? There may be a purpose in weeding out the readers of such things via ‘do you have to WORK hard to read, OR do you quickly dismiss, cuz not easy????

Which is, in the end, to me?

A really GREAT way to filter out a readership, quickly! when you’ve worked your entire life trying to navigate through the easy/ignorant political and academic statements, in order to try to bring clarity and information to the masses who might…just…be…willing…to rest their eyes here and there, read and actually! assimilate within the tale you just shared with them, into their own internal memory – –

I’m glad I took 3 breaks to rest my eyes to finish it –

It was a fun/great read and well….

I was INVESTED in reading it from the first few lines….- or at he very tleast, reporting that I HAD actually finished reading it!

(Ya know when I go off in blog posts or comments on your blog about website design and development thingees? This isn’t professional interest shared trying to get you to hire me as if I was an innocent layman –

This IS my personal interests as a cyber-surfer and individual with fading eyesight, a right hand affected by a stroke that doesn’t always navigate mouse /keyboard moves/clicks as well as expected and eyes and brain that get overloaded easily….

Such feedback is highlighted about the tools/tech/etc/things I use to try to make the websites I build as doable by someone as picky and flawed as me…overall, as best as may be had – also as ignorant as me on the shared topic – and wanting ‘more input’ even while I have to take breaks to read fully – etc., etc.

Finishing reading something? Just for the hell of it?

Just because I ‘started it?” – –

That is SOOO NOT ME!

I was, during my time at the library, amazed to find how many of my co-workers finished a book they started, hated, struggled to read, just because the ‘started it’ –

Not me! I learned to ‘cut bait’ or ‘crap or get off the toilet/loo’ a long time ago on many, many fronts and well, reading decisions are rather the same operational choices for me…..

Overall, finishing reading just because I started is not even close to high on my ‘to-do’ list or ‘improve meself’ list- too many books and words available at a moment’s notice, to waste time on ‘not good writing/ease of reading’ options – 😀

But just taking a break, assimilating, resting my eyes, and returning to it – operations?

Ahh – yes!

That, overall, is WORTH it!

Lights a Flickering now…

In wake of my post regarding “meh! Roads closed, Snow Day for man-child, but not for me”…

The neighbor with snowplow on front of truck showed up and plowed the driveway – which hasn’t happened for quite some time due to either no heavy snow or me getting out and doing it by hand before he get’s to my place (we live a block or so from each other – but are surrounded by elderly neighbors, thus I fully expect to save his time and/or he saves me for last, to take care of others!)

We chatted briefly, the driveway was darker, wetter brown and moisture shoved over to native grass areas –

He left, I penned another post – and …..

Went out to kitchen to refill my watered down wine 48oz mug…and HOLY CRAP!

Yes, you can see the snow pushed out of the way…

But the landscape is, groundwise, once again all shades of white – –

The sky is darker and more fuzzy given snow and blowing snow –

And now?

Hmmm… maybe a full blown blizzard is arriving here….now – we shall see…..

Still can’t hear the wind shrieking as it moves through static standing things (like buildings and deep rooted trees….)

The World and Individual Merge Sometimes

A storm is on the way….

Bearing Burdens with Grace

And sometimes the boughs break and sometimes, they do not.

The Snow Falls, The Trees Stand

Who knows?

It’s Colder now

One Front Wanes

Now I must return to work

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Spring is Heralded at Bally Bin when….

Tomorrow?

For today?

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I digress from the Decision Report….

Because I’m over 50….

Let Philosophy 101 Operations Begin!

The Ark Test

Therefore, just because the list says so….

This doesn’t make me generous or altruistic…

May sound strange, or dark, to you, but to me?

I must be honest with myself AND you…

The second part of True Confessions portion of honesty….

Long ago?

I Just couldn’t understand it.

I RARELY ask WHY on Death

Thanks for listening while I debate with Myself!

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I talked myself out of it before a moments worth of pondering

But, for you writers, in my sphere, here….

I figure you will ….

I READ it –

It has done it’s job overall.

Which is, in the end, to me?

I’m glad I took 3 breaks to rest my eyes to finish it –

Finishing reading something? Just for the hell of it?

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