Need for Speed…

Featured Image for this post courtesy of Ulises De Rubin from Pixabay

I confess a yearning to live in or tip toe on the edge of Danger Zones – in my own ways, all while I also yearn for the space/time, grace and peace to be left alone, no crisis to be met, to sit alone and ponder, and plan out a path, or ‘what to-do/can be done, now??)

Sometimes I risk the possibility of failing and going down in flames – when, um, the topic/job at hand seems important enough to fall on my sword over –

That said?

Been dealing with various struggles a bit the past few months, trying to find my way forward, all while, signs abound all around me to ‘just do it already – either it works or it doesn’t – if it does? Great!

If it doesn’t?

Try, Try Again…

Ahh…but so much of my angst and stress comes from providing services in the tech industry, where, um, overall, the philosophy AND business model is…

“Move fast, break things, learn and then move fast again….”

My life? on the receiving end as a customer on many tech fronts?

I have some patience on some fronts, for some providers

Other places?

Not so much.

But Today?

I was reminded of what moving fast looks like, to me….

Saved from myself!

A colleague from the eastern seaboard of USA who I only know via email/phone calls?

He who knows a lot more than I about servers, security, maintenance and php coding syntax (and many other coding languages too!) popped up on my phone as incoming call –

I saw his name and decided I was ready for a break from “Ye Olde To-Do List”

Turns out?

He accidentally butt-dialed me.

Neither of us can figure out HOW that happened! We haven’t called or texted each other for over a month or more!

But…to me?

Perfect! Just what I needed!

Because, you see, he and his family are are packing up to go to Talladega – for Nascar – camping and infield seats and all.

He’s gonna send me pictures – – maybe, just MAYBE! He’ll butt dial me from the infield with the roaring engines playing in the back ground (I can only hope!)

And I’m reminded once more, of my need for living on the edge, all while I live strive daily to live life relatively small and safe.

I worked in many an adrenaline junkie industry, over my life – and when the s**t is hitting the fan – when life/limb is at stake? Oh, I do my best to be right there –

On the other hand – Many scrambles in everyday life are treated AS if life/limb are at risk, but really aren’t, and that’s where I get lost or start struggling – 😀

I’m reminded of my blessings –

The fact I can live vicariously through the thrill, the speed, the music of others, and then get ‘back to work’ in my own little, behind the scenes, relatively small potatoes on life/limb risk fronts for either my job and/or my daily life.

So why tell you this?

I took a break. Visited some songs/music videos for reminders, after his call, which reminded me of and just sharing with you – cuz, once in awhile, when I get stuck?

Here’s comes the call, the email, the connection, whatever, out of the blue, not always as a result of on purpose intentions, that just gets me ‘unstuck’ on this front or that when such things arrive.

Blood and heart pumping – Mind instantly swept free of too many options or too may cobwebs.

Such random things just do this for me –

…over and over, with zero effort on my part….

Which is why, I firmly believe I live in a generous Universe AND I believe in Angels – the human ones – who don’t always know what angelic things they are actually doing, right at the time….LOL

Soon I will return to next ‘work the to-do list’ push – which will be full of details, double-check, data entry, cross-link checking, et al, activities –

Which others find boring and sometimes is also mind numbing work for me – overall.

But such things MUST be done – over and over, as foundation for the awesome and inspiring and wonderful, to all happen….

It just is what it is.

The training, the practicing, the learning, the learning to avoid the risks while flying the highest you can reach, right about now….

The do over and over until you can do in your sleep, operations….

The taxing yourself to learn more and do more and leverage off the past all while pushing into yet another frontier…

It all is rather a ‘Wash/Rinse/Repeat’ cycle, to me.

And I sometimes get stuck in cycles –

But in my head and heart?

As I return to work today?

They will sing to me of things that beckon – –

The open road, the music, the roar of the engines – these things, in the end, are my Siren Call.

And that, overall is the beat of the Universe I can see/hear, right now, which I will return to work within….

😀

Hope this finds you and yours well!

AC/DC “Back in Black” intro – 1967 Impala -Supernatural series

Kenny Loggins “Danger Zone” Top Gun

Rascal Flatts, “Life is a Highway”

Peter Schilling, “Major Tom (Coming Home)”

Garth Brooks, “Standing Outside the Fire” Firefighter Tribute video

Driving through Smoke and Fear

Often, I’m the one that tells others, “you can take the curve high, you’ll drive straight through it…I know it in my heart” –

But sometimes? I just have to remind myself of that too –

All while NOT sitting in a race car or fighter jet – or with my butt strapped into a plane attached to a rocket – 😀

It’s Simple- Not Easy

Part …um….. a gazillion?

😀

So much of my life/encounters with others, fall into this category –

“Why yes, that’s simple to fix, just do this/that!”

And yet, none of it is easy –

Not even telling your own story – doing your own work – connecting with others through shared passions, but not necessarily, the same way of looking at things the same way….

To me?

Very little of ANYTHING in traversing the modern world, is easy

Unless, overall, one has resources to spare, closes oneself off to anything that doesn’t EXACTLY match up with their aspirations and viewpoints…

The More One Explores to Broaden Horizons?

The more misinterprations that can happen – the more one opens up to being vulnerable, to ridicule, to attack.

Don’t we all wish at one time or another, to BE:

  • The strong, silent type
  • The lone wolf, self-made, don’t need nobody or nothing but myself personage
  • The bridge builder
  • The social butterfly
  • The one who can always say the right thing, at just the right moment
  • All while, we pick/choose what to pursue, but still feel ‘true to ourselves’ while pursuing

Oh, don’t we all just ‘wish’??

“If wishes were horses, we’d all ride,

If wishes were fishes, we’d have some fried”

Multiple ‘atributions’ and links to versions of this, NONE of which match what I was raised with, so, nope, no author, no link – have fun with that Search on the first line – and seeing what pops up in results! 😀

Simply Put? Life Changes, Always

  • Every interaction or time we open ourselves up to learn, connect, survive? we each change
  • Our environment changes – through long cycles, self-regulation of Mother Earth, in response to our human actions
  • Leaders change – through election, death, learning more, or because the latest popularity poll indicates a problem and they wish to stay in power
  • Systems around us change – sometimes they grow to get better, or grow too fast, or grow too slow, go out of business, become the fox in the hen house or strive to be the guard dog in the henhouse who also is hunting the chickens, eating eggs, on the sly –
  • The social mores and social justice movements and laws and interpretations or insights from religious, political, experts, self-proclaimed leaders, ALL change –

I Struggle with Change on Some Fronts

How about you?

I worry about changes made by the world around me, that appear, to me, as a ‘slippery slope’ to slide down…

Basically? Some changes announced on personal/wider fronts, DOES, to me, on many levels, ‘trigger’ my initial response of:

“Okey-Dokey then – everyone agreed we are gung-ho about collectively building the Highway to Hell infrastructure, here on earth?

My brain committee, often, when observing the world around me….or what I feel I’m being called to provide/do, in order for myself to survive –

But MY VERSION of Hell on Earth is not the same, I don’t believe, as many who hear me say such things.

Thus, the moment I mumur, “Highway to Hell building time, eh?”

The response from others is rather mixed, dependent upon whether they are devout, which faith they are devout to, and whether or not they are an AC/DC, Rock music fan…:D

Response depends upon whether the person I’m saying it too, has an ego-centric or human centric view of the entire Universe, or not…

It depends upon what stage of their life span they are in…

Whether they are dying, living, or haven’t yet sat beside Death for a conversation…

It depends also upon the history of the area they were raised in, their family/early life history, their education opportunities, their self-learning motivations, their ease in navigating/searching for and embracing/turning away from a variety of online media fronts, published works, etc.

And yet?

For myself? The ONLY way I can ‘hold on’ when stuff changes – is to remember the lines in various works that have touched my soul, so deeply and profoundly, that I return to them over and over.

The works that seem to, year by year, as I change, experience by experience, and I live through –

The works that appear to change, become richer and deeper in meaning – but do not, for me, change ever in wording/meaning or translations.

They just unfurl more of themselves, when I CHANGE!

I return to my faves, for comfort, and often find, more breadcrumbs/layers for me to explore, every time I revisit those works.

In the end?

Many works do I re-visit, as things change, as I change, as I learn more, as they speak to me more, but, overall?

The ONE work that speaks to me, that doesn’t change, no matter how much I change, the world about me changes, those around me change –

The work that doesn’t seem to have a great following of, or any organization built around it, and therefore, vulnerable to all kinds of silly translations/’what is the meaning of…” posts/theories/hypothesis?

I still, can sink into the comfort, the overall advice, reminders and well – no matter what is going on, this text changes in it’s applicability to daily life, and all, but still, doesn’t change in the core message I hear – thus?

(Note** I recently searched to learn more about the history of Bobbie Gentry and her song “Ode to Billie Joe” – I COULDN’T believe all the story lines/hypothesis/’what does the song mean’ posts – so many of which were so very dark and put in a whole bunch of story lines, I have to wonder if that was even CLOSE to what she was thinking of, when she wrote the song –

It’ll take me MONTHS to recover from that Research to Learn More journey, that dived into the darkest sides of our nation’s collective history, wars, global history, and the evil that resides in mankind’s heart -! If someone can think of it, write about ‘what something else means’ and expound this type of stuff?? Oh, yeah, Evil walks on Earth – all the damn time, century after century – not getting away from it – I just question exactly, who/what is the creator such things – :D. So easy to blame Satan or God – instead of looking to ourselves…. )

Philosophy, at some point, frustrates me – sociology? Endlessly fascinating to me –

But, if I had to be stranded on an island, with only one written text, or one memorized verse – for the good, the bad, the ugly, the hard days, the blessed days?

That doesn’t require me to quit learning, quit improving myself, but holds the space for me to sit still and not change, for awhile? No matter how much of me changes?

A work that just doesn’t fall apart in words, or perspective etc., as the world created by human thinking marches on, after it was written?

Just One meets all the below needs of mine, all the time, ever more (thus far)

It’s message is held and referred to, intimated to or repeated in so many other works -works compiled/created both long before and long after its own creation…

  • Full enough to address core points
  • Short enough to, with practice, memorize
  • Rhymes and easy to call to mind specific lines or verses, without looking up, again, to ensure you got the original lines right
  • Written by a spiritual leader – with a murky early on ‘reported/touted provenance’ of the work – and who knows, for sure?

But for me, it’s easy to share, quickly, that for me? Sort of encapsulates the deep parts of me I strive for, fail at, but are my root focus, and introduces the ‘core of me’ today, to another – even while time spent with others trying to share who I am, how I see the topic at hand, WHILE also trying to understand, they may not have any frame of reference to put into context what I just shared – to my mind? ad nauseum…

Its so very easy to shrug off and think, “They don’t get me, so why bother?”

When communicating ideas is a struggle, without writing a 7-volume series reference manual of all the reasons, I feel such and such away, or what influenced me on feeling that way

Also, very easy for humans, including me! to sink into the comfort of only hanging out with folks who agree with us, or flatter us – so our life is ‘easier’.

But, in our diverse, advanced, world?

With all the challenges to be faced?

Being comfortable and at our ease every moment of the day, no matter what job we are tackling, bridge to build or our own ignorance to conquer?

Nothing is ever built/improved without effort and sacrifice – and the following poem, which I have shared before, I still believe,is possible for everyone who speaks/reads English, to hear/read, and find at LEAST one verse, they agree with –

But that’s just me and I could be wrong!

What say you?

Desiderata

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927

Time

I Still, as I approach my 10 year anniversary of being a STROKE survivor, sans any proof of WHY I had a stroke in the first place! Hope, in face of my Time Displacement issues still going strong, when I’m immersed in the Now around me? I look back to Back Then – and think – “Humph! Oakley gone, and without her? What do I have need for walking – Figure I could do 6 miles now, in about 4 hours, I’ve sat on my butt and worked in front of the computer so much/so long during the the past 2 1/2 years!! LOL. Sigh – Desperate goals of long ago and making those goals a priority? I’m reminded of, tonight!

The Good, Bad and Ludicrous

Time is Tricky Stuff Time is Tricky Stuff

I’ve long been fascinated by Time.   How it drags when engaged in the dreary or waiting for the fantabulous to show up.   How it flies when deadlines loom, projects pile up and loved ones are soon to leave.

I’m also intrigued by the way our brains interpret time.   How our thinking and actions directly affect how time and the universe unfolds.

Case in point – yesterday, I walked almost 6 miles.   Now, this is nothing special for most, but it’s taken me weeks to build up to this.   I started out by walking a mile – and then doing it til I could walk it in 30 minutes – then I added more length each time – staying at that length until I could finish the distance in 30 minutes.  I had worked up to 2 1/2 miles and still able to do other work when…

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Words of Another

This posted for all of my bloggy pals, here at WordPress land, but posted, mainly, to try, through another’s wordcrafting, for EvidenceMutumba, since, my long replies in comments still, to me, doesn’t fully say ‘it all’ and well –

I realized, I don’t think I’ve ever shared the post here and, though many may find fault with it, on various modern fronts? Still love the overall ideas and human nature and the Divine vision, wrapped within it.

The Touch of the Master’s Hand by Myra Brooks Welch

'Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
      Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
      But held it up with a smile.
"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
    "Who'll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar. Then two! Only two?
      Two dollars, and who'll make it three?"

"Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;
      Going for three…" But no,
From the room, far back, a grey-haired man
      Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then wiping the dust from the old violin,
      And tightening the loosened strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet,
      As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
      With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bid for the old violin?"
      And he held it up with the bow.
"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?
      Two thousand! And who'll make it three?
Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice,
    And going and gone," said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
    "We do not quite understand.
What changed its worth?" Swift came the reply:
    "The touch of the Master's hand."
And many a man with life out of tune,
      And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd
      Much like the old violin.

A "mess of pottage," a glass of wine,
    A game — and he travels on.
He is "going" once, and "going" twice,
    He's "going" and almost "gone."
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd
    Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought
    By the touch of the Master's hand.

According to allpoetry.com, here’s the back story, for those interested:

Myra Welch would say that she heard a speaker address a group of students on the power of God to bring out the best in people. She said she herself became filled with light and that “Touch of the Master’s Hand” was written in 30 minutes!.
The finished poem was sent anonymously to the editor of her local church news bulletin. She felt it was a gift from God and didn’t need her name on it.

Citation added on submission to allpoetry.com.

Posting to Time & Faith

It occurred to me, today, yet again, that I’ve not posted in awhile, here, though I’ve engaged in logging in and TRYING desperately to not get too far behind on keeping up with the posts of those I follow, responding to comments, commenting on the posts of others, if I have something to say, or wish to share a piece of myself, in hopes to build another conversation, bridge or simply, selfishly, to learn more from those who take the time to answer the question their post sparked from me, or to educate me on why my reply was rather not seeing all the perspectives/their reality.

Sigh –

I have a term for this – in online and offline landscapes –

ProSumer

I ran across this term ages ago – in either agricultural, permaculture or small business, or economic readings.

My memory of the first time I saw the word was attached to the total lack of sustainability/resilience of any system, if the main players in it were only Consumers.

Producers always had to be around to produce the things that were consumed.

Thus, my memory is full of the memory of ‘goosebumps’ on my arms, an explosion of light in my grey-matter, an all consuming peace enveloped my heart –

This term, right there – 8 letters, smashed together from two words to make one – still, to my knowledge, not widely known/used in ANY circle of life I engage in/interact with often, nor has the term along with the definition I embraced, without question, fully, and started to think about on every aspect of my life, no, not even a quick search of online dictionaries shows any cohesion on the ‘definition’ – of what it means.

I Embraced It Fully

Without question, without learning more, without researching (had I researched, right then, like I looked up dictionary terms, just now…to double-check myself…) I would have been appalled and said, “well! now! Not using that term to label myself! Too many folks will get the wrong idea about me….

Why? Here’s the first definition listed from one (of many) current online sources:

a customer who wants to buy very high-quality technical products or equipment. The word is formed from the words “professional” and “consumer.”:

Um, yeah, NOT me!

I hold on to my older, slower, less fancy tech stuff and services until it no longer fills the need, or becomes more a liability than an asset.

Can I explain WHY I immediately embraced?

Probably not – to anyone’s satisfaction.

One short word that, in a moment, encapsulated everything I was yearning, searching, striving to learn more about to come up with a ‘life motto for now’ on what my heart, mind and brain were telling me, both when viewing my internal world, the life I built, was engaging in and the external world that felt like it had descended into chaos all around me –

And that little word? Rocked MY World

Without fanfare, without a certificate/proof of expertise, without a national movement, religious leader, self-help guru, popular speaker or celebrity to back it up –

It was simply one passionate soul, writing, sharing, best as they knew how, what they felt they had come to learn more on, see as a root thing to consider, in everyday life and navigating the modern world, and healing old things where folks had messed up, badly –

I Worked the Checklist….

The things I was worried about, the desires I had, the things in my daily life that I thought were important, but few others seemed to share my sentiments or vision – down through history – on this front/that front – disasters….great leaps in understanding – great changes in cultures, society, traditions, norms –

It worked for me to better understand – in all those fronts.

I embraced it so fully, so long ago, and made it a part of daily life, it took another blogger asking me whether I embraced 100% what I learned from my grandfather or if I was adjusting and compromising…..

Took me replying, searching for an example, which turned into a long reply…

(blogging in another’s comments – – ya know! My fatal flaw, overall that I still haven’t overcome because I get so fascinated and invested in someone who actually reads all of it and replies without full condemnation of my errant ways … :D)

…then I searched for one of my fave quotes from Karen Armstrong’s work on the History of God, couldn’t find it, and on page three of scanning, goodreads quotes archive, for Karen, it hit me.

Nope, I’m not 100% following my grandfather’s ways….

I would have to educate him on the term of prosumer….

I play cards, and I smoke, and I drink.

I really bite at playing dominoes well.

But to me? at the core?

Yes, I wade into the modern world I live in with the same root core of things he and his daughter and her husband, instilled into me –

Don’t lie, cheat, steal. Do what must be done to protect your flock that you were called to care for, whether it’s the Sabbath or not and whether others consider it ‘working on Sabbath’ or not.

Learn to rest in the silence of not knowing. Strive to sit and wait for God to show up. You’re on his time, not yours.

You see with your eyes, not his.

Use habit and tradition and ritual to provide the space for you to sit and commune with All that is (God).

Do not limit God with your thoughts about what he wants, is planning for, etc.

Follow the 10 Commandments and you’ll have more opportunities to sit in the silence – free of stress and worry and concern of your little daily life.

My Grandfather died when I was 15

I usually saw him for 1-2 weeks, a year, for all but the last few years.

How much could I have really ‘learned’ from him except through the filters of the stories I know from the rest of the family, my experience of him as a calm in the storm to a small child, with a tender head, and long hair that easily tangled.

I do know this! There are only three people in the world who have ever brushed the snarls out of my hair, that I could sit, relaxed, and let them do their thing –

My two grandpas (one from each side of the family tree) and an young woman, challenged (autistic?) who was striving forth to learn a skill – and was in beauty school, and needed a ‘model’ for her school work. (you can read about her, and her gentle care, here, on why a free haircut can cost you $75,000 or more if you go hog wild, posted 7 years ago)

How much do I TRULY know about His faith?

I only know about it through what he focused on, talked about, admonished me on when I was young but also provided the safe space for me to run to when the rest of the world was harsh, cruel, ugly or admonishing me.

I continue to learn much from my family tree – and they continue to put up with me, here and there – we sometimes disagree in our basic views on religion, politics, world events, personal events, etc., but, in the end, we often, overall, hold the space to not judge before asking – to lend support or an ear when one struggles or falters – –

We widen our horizons in understandings simply through virtue of us each having our own little set of ‘adopted family’ – the church we attend, the political party we support, the community of friends we each built when we went out into the world as adults, the passions we pursue, the education we each receive, the challenges and gifts of the geographical region we live in.

And all of that? Over time?

Changes each of us.

So how close am I to what my grandfather did?

I cannot tell you for you, for certain.
I’m not a theologian, a minister and no one in their right mind would look to me for ‘spiritual’ advice.

But I know this – my grandfather took late night calls for emergency needs – and he sat with dire health, and death, and grief, and all things humans strive so mightily to avoid, and yet end up facing, anyways, whether through their own actions or not.

And, in my own ways?

I do too – one-on-one or further removed – I sit with all of it, and when I get down, depressed, thinking ‘why on earth am I busting my arse on this stuff?”

I hear in my brain the many examples of those who came before me – hear them quoting the bible and many other works, intoning, why I ‘should’ care –

But most of all?

I hear them reminding me, “It’s not, overall, just about you. What you want will have an affect on others – impact others – remember to think carefully – and remember, the moment you react just because it’s not what you want? Just now?

You might, with some quiet time, expansion of your perspective, compassion and empathy, change your mind.

So, for me?

Not certain what grandpa would say if he were here and I had this talk with him, instead of myself and you, via posting –

I’d like to think he would smile and tell me the story of how he walked to find work in the Depression era and noticed the watermelons growing in the ditch, on eminent domain land, and ate because he was hungry and needed to be strong enough to work to send funds back home to the family that was depending upon him – so they could eat.

I’d like to think he would sit and help me pull out the knots and snarls in my thoughts and choices, while I struggle in earning my living and viewing eminent domain, public domain, cyber security, in my world.

Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t, but one thing I trust fully, have faith in –

If he were here, he’d listen, even without full understanding.

Just like, as a child, I listened to him….

Just like I listen and try to hear the God he taught me to trust, as I trusted my grandfather, even when I was too young to understand…am still to young to understand…

May never understand in a way that allows me to fully verbalize and explain to another – much like they can’t always make me understand their full embracing of things that are not on my immediate accept/embrace profile.

Just like I listen and struggle to understand on many fronts – both those presented as transcending me and my ego/little world, as well as others in this world that experience a different reality from mine….

That, I guess, in a nutshell, is my Faith – in all of it.