After spending about 3 hours with my son on May 14th, and reporting in on my lack of self-care failings on the 15th, I waded through the 16th and the 17th, to find myself, the evening of the 17th again in massive pain, with fever so deep, I could feel it in my bones.
Son, for first time, out a total of 10 tests since 2020 (for work) test positive for COVID (test 18th, got results on 21st) –
So, me in my ‘in and out of reality’ way of being, quit feeling bad about staying home, and telling everyone to ‘stay away! caught something not certain what, but it’s horrible!” – Why?
Cuz, doncha know? If it’s COVID you’re a hero for staying home – if it’s strep? Ah, well, get your meds, and get your arse back to work, don’t ya know….
Felt better on the 22nd – overdid(??) or was just the eye of the storm –
My oh my! How much happened while I just stumbled through linear time while staying in my house the past 2 weeks… as of tomorrow.
While I was sleeping….or trying to ‘sleep through the worst of it’
Moisture Arrived! Many inches of wet, wonderful spring snow – only shoveled away about a 2x3x3 foot area – and good enough! the rest melted in over the next two days –
Good thing I got sick! Otherwise, I, too, would’ve been tempted to start ‘planting out’ things, before I should have….
Headlines change from Pro-Life to Pro-Choice Back and Forth, dependent upon latest breaking news….
Yes, I will comment on such things – as Pro-Life seems to only count for some folks, some of the time.
Last I checked, every state has a law on the books regarding truancy – meaning, if you are a child? You need to attend a school or test competently if home schooled, and for many? Public School is the ‘only choice’ for many children.
And….there’s the crux of the problem – to me – for both sides of the partisanship political sides/arguments –
Neither one seems capable of really keeping to either Pro-Life/Pro-Choice overall things, but seem to cherrypick and choose on this topic or that, when, where, who and why life is more precious here, than there, at this age, than that, for this group or that one, when we should fight to preserve and when we should not give two figs about it –
Thus, both sides, continue to leave me rather cold and not that impressed, with their overall dogmas –
Humans seem Born to Be Incongruent
Funny, but I was careful to not txt/call my son but once a day check in, and then WAIT for his reply – in case he had been able to sleep….
My mom would txt to check in if I didn’t txt ‘gmornin’ at least once a day – and say she didn’t want to wake me up, but both I and She would FREAK! if more than 3 hours went by, without an answer -she, more than I, I like to think – 😀
And yet, if the Reaper had appeared at my doorstep or my son’s, what would others txting non-stop/calling non stop have accomplished?
Probably nothing – and yet, whether for the connection with each other, or to focus on someone else for awhile, or to assure ourselves at least one place/person in the world is okay, for now, we txt/check in on each other – worry if too long a time goes by before we hear from someone…
While I silently prayed for either ‘get better, or kill me already’ I don’t care which…
Another of my extended family walked the final miles in their life. They chose to not try and outrun the Reaper, anymore – The effort to breathe, eat, drink was too much. And so, another of the branches of my family tree, who came before me, is pruned and I will not be there as they are laid to rest, like she was for me and mine, when we said goodbye to our loved ones.
All things became crystal clear when I was sick…
The things I had been pushing so hard on, resisting or grousing over faded into nothingness while pain wracked my body and nothing resembling my fave way of sleeping showed up for days –
I learned that much of what I strive for, push for, work on, in fact, will get done and if it has a typo in it? An error? Someone will let me know –
And people are KIND when I say, “yo! Running a fever here and sick! So double-check this for accuracy, cuz I’m NOT at my best and don’t I know it!”
So if it’s okay then, why would I fret so when I’m better? When I’m firing on all cylinders?
Why waste so much time and energy on trying to make stuff ‘perfect’ when, it’s obvious, with just slow, plodding care, I can often ‘get ‘er done’ just fine and acceptable, or ask for feedback, make the edits, save and be ‘done’!
Funny how the last thing I wrote was about Past and Healing – obviously, I didn’t learn the lesson well enough, it had to be delivered in no uncertain terms.
Thus, the world turns one more day for me, for my beloveds, while it never will for so many others, and feels as if it should have stopped, at least for a moment, to those who remain here, who grieve the loss of their loved one.
I was so happy to login for the first time in nearly 2 weeks and see a comment from a bloggy pal, from whom, I hadn’t seen post/comment for quite some months – to some, given world events and national events, this may seem small and of no consequence, and yet, to me?
Such a wondrous gift!
That’s the update – and I’m pooped from the effort of today – so I’m gonna go take a nap, I think – no sense rushing things and having a set back – this weekend is Memorial Weekend, which means, next week? I will be going forth into the garden areas – to clear out old, make way for new, heal through contact with the dirt and hope I waited ‘late enough’ to avoid blizzards….
Mother Nature is used to me being late….