Heads I Lose, Tails You Win

Ah – how many times I revisit my own challenges and ways from long ago, that are still the same – even as I grow older, become more mellow on some fronts and yet? At end of the day? The core of me, truthfully, hasn’t really changed that much – afterall –

The Good, Bad and Ludicrous

coinWhen I was fifteen or so, I was introduced to the world of Astrology by one I considered both mentor and friend.    Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs was the first book I read and I devoured it, grateful for the opportunity to find out why some people behave in such odd and hurtful ways.  I imagine, other than the required Sociology course in high school, it was really my first introduction to any form of Psychology or Philosophy.


I learned I was a Leo and that I must guard against my natural leadership abilities turning into bossiness and arrogance.   That my loyalty and fierce desire to protect others could easily turn to “enabling” and “jealousy”, if I didn’t watch my step.   And that my inclination to magnanimously shower my time and money on anyone I considered in need would ultimately land me in the poor house if I didn’t watch…

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I’ll take Flattery with a side of Criticism and Spam, Please

I sometimes have to go back in time to remember back ‘when’ I still had a sense of humour over it all… 😀 Same Stuff – Different Decade – – LOL

The Good, Bad and Ludicrous

Yes, I admit, I read my spam comments before I “Delete Permanently”.   Sometimes, the software gets it wrong, right?

After my absence this week, I had four comments in Spam –

The usual mistyped messages that look like someone took phrases from an “Effective Leadership” phrase book and lumped them all together.

But one caught my eye – I deleted it, and so cannot give you it verbatim, but here’s the gist:

“I enjoyed your blog – you’re such an expert – maybe you should put a couple of pictures in to illustrate it better.”

Which is quaint – how do you picture me musing?  A brain with some flashes of lightening over it?

Or the overused and much cliched light bulb?

But it did get me to thinking….


What if we all replied to the spammers?  What if we could send them private emails, call their house…

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Secrets Revealed …Over time….

So…um…I’ve ‘written’ a lot of words today – on various fronts – and I’ve read a lot of words –

I’ve spoken and listened to a lot of words – here there and yonder….

And I’ve had to sit with my own reveals, to myself, over and over, as folks tell me of their struggles on other fronts – fronts I cannot, in good conscience, ‘say who is right or wrong’ simply because….

“Um….I resemble that remark….”


So, because it appears that daily writing and/or writing to prompts is the current trend/fad – and because I have written so many words to day, it boggles my mind, and yet – – is it the best that could be done, for just now? Is this really what is the truth of me/or those I write for??

Meh – I wish to close out another day of work – by posting something – that is pure me, best as I know me (and really??? How much can anyone ‘trust that’ in a world that is ever changing and humans that change to meet the times, as well??)

So, here ya go Judy, my lil Question Time over Coffee answers – I reply to you, not the orginal poster, because, well – you are why I discovered this and I’ve already learned the hard way – IF I share such things at a bloggy space that is a ‘prompt’ for writer’s space’?

Ahh…Um…It’s more than I can deal with as a ‘having fun/chillaxing’ style of personal blogger, here, really –

Thus, I shall play to my ‘strengths’ as I see them – have one conversation, with one person, even if open to the eyes of the world’


Well, one-on-one convos always intrigue me more than jumping on any bandwagon and doing what everyone else is doing – and yet – I find some of these ‘challenges/share/etc., to be highly informative/instructive/lovable, all the same – 😀

So, here ya go, Judy – here’s what I would say if we were sitting in your back yard, having coffee and I said, “no worries” when you saw a spider and you said, ‘no worries’ if I spied a snake I can’t tell is venomous or not, from afar… 😀

My Dinner Party

Da Rules say I am allowed to invite four guests – one fictional, one dead, one alive and one naked/or not, chef….

The Guests:

OMG! Just ONE?? From each category??? I have cooked for and fed to satisfaction over 30 at a time…just a saying – – therefore, cuz it’s my blog – I’m going to hold dinner party for 12 guests – just cuz….

  • Fictional – Jack Reacher, Brother Cadfael and Scarlett O’Hara (although all the things that intrigue me, will bore Scarlett to death – I include her for practicality and for saying “God’s Nightgown!” here and there, as need be…)
  • Dead – Joseph Campbell, Leonardo da Vinci, Queen Boudica
  • Alive – Naseem Nicholas Taleb, Wes Moore and Lisa Murkowski
  • Chef – Ayla, Tehanita, Pat & Francie R., (some fictional, some real life folks – but take anything that is edible/available, and they fix up a meal in short order – that nourishes the heart and soul – )

Da Questions….

Have you ever slept on/in a hammock?

Tried ‘napping’ in one, when visiting those who had one – the dog/other pets delighted in dumping me out of it – in enthusiasm – thus, for me – okay – can do, but not my preferred – I love to sleep ‘deep’ even if for only 20 minutes or so…

Do you find it easy to maintain friendship with other people?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no – have learned ever more to be quiet and/or speak my mind and let the ‘chips’ fall where they may – I will be blessed or pay for the gains/losses gained, if I’m just me, every moment of the day – if more losses rack up than wins? I need to assess myself…

Are you a person of ethics?

I hope so..

If so, how does that impact your daily life?

There is a line from a tv series, that says, “morals are how we treat the people we know and ethics are how we treat the people we don’t know’ – I continue, to love the later line, from that same clip – “Ethics are how we build a society. It is the true test of our higher self “

Here’s the clip:

Morals, Ethics and the never ending wars we fight over them –

Why do people hold double standards?

For love, loyalty, duty, responsibility….

For fear, anger, hurt and trauma –

All of the above, some of the above, none of the above – each case where double-standard adhered to is, in the end, very personal to those who support double standards on this front or that…

Are you decisive or indecisive as a person?

Depends – always – on threat to life, limb – what care is needed for one truly struggling in trauma or growth or those who wish someone else do the work they, themselves, can only do, for themselves – so – um, yeah – sometimes? If I’m not certain? WHAT THIS??? IS???

I’ll drag my feet, wait to decide/land on one side of the fence or the other, just ….cuz…only way I know how to live – really –

What is your most unhealthiest but guiltiest pleasure and why?

Speaking out loud, my own mind – just like, I’m doing here…you’d think, by now, I would’ve learned, not the best thing to do – really – often – but, sigh, let me sit and stew for hours, days, weeks, years? Um, yeah – I wing it and do posts like this one – it is what it is and I shall pay the price for such things – sooner or later – no evading it….

What is your process for writing a new post for your blog?

Depends – sometimes I’m really feeling alone and in need of creative and inspirational community, so I blog about it – sometimes my heart cries out over the news, the trends, the words of another – sometimes I think of a time from my past, and what I did to help myself, when it felt as if even God had abandoned me, that might be of ‘use’ to someone else, to try and ‘hold on’ just a tad longer – me? I go where ever the four winds blow me – 😀

Happiness (?? contentment??) on earth ain’t just for high achievers….

If you were asked to create a Top Fifteen Book List holding books that you felt everyone should read at least once in their live and would never regret reading, what titles would you include?

  • High Wide and Lonesome – Hal Borland
  • Anything by Laura Ingalls Wilder
  • Anything by Robert Fulghum
  • War and Peace, Tale of Two Cities, Gone with the Wind or Martin Chuzzlewit, your pick – but read at least ONE of them
  • The Elegance of a Hedgehog, by Muriel Bradberry
  • A Gentleman in Moscow, by Amor Towles
  • Anything by J.R.R. Tolkien
  • Anything by C.S. Lewis
  • A Woman of the People or any work of fiction/non-fiction by Benjamin Capps
  • Bad Luck and Trouble, by Lee Child
  • Brother Cadfael series by Ellis Peters
  • The Snow Falcon by Stuart Harrison
  • The Story of the Trapp Family Singers, by Maria von Trapp
  • Grimm’s Fairy Tales – 1955 Nelson Doubleday edition – not as harsh as originals from before, not as kind and sparkly rainbows as fairy tale books in print today
  • On Culture and Customs, by Eugene A. Nvida
  • **OMG! How could I have forgotten the Top Two? Really? “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and The Lucifer Effect by Philip Zimbardo – Nope – you may not like reading them, or not like what you see within yourself you thought only ‘others’ were guilty of, but seriously – try either/both – just once – in your life – they aren’t there for ‘making ya feel good’ but they ARE there to increase your strength and resilience, even when you’ve ‘oops! messed that one up!’ moments of life… and truly assessing just how, really, important your self critique really is… in the end… for 100 years worth of time – – 😀

How important is it to you to know a person’s real name? (Online, Offline, social media or blogging)

Not that much, really – by any other name, would a rose not smell as sweet? Or whatever the line is – 😀 The being of anything bears out over time, and hearing a name or giving a name, and expecting that thing to live up to it or never change, is just, to me, wasted energy –

When at school what were your top five subjects you were passionate about?

History, Literature, Writing, Music, Drama

Why was this – what did you love about them?

In our arts, our archives, our stories, our written down ‘facts’ lies, always – the truth of humans as a species – no matter how well performed or crafted, on any day in time – let about 10 -20 years pass? we all see the truth of the stories from our past – no matter how they were told at the time, nor how well they were received at the time – the tales of the past – wins and mistakes, are always there, for all of us, to read, discuss, learn from –

Are those five subjects still present in your life today in any form?

Yes – although music and drama? Today? Looks like me dancing around the living room by myself – just to ‘shake it off and remind myself…” I too, even in my stress or joy, am a creator of stories that weave into the tapestry of human history –

Are you a photogenic person?

Not even close

Are you eager to appear in family or friend snaps?

Not only no, hell no!

Are there many photographs of you from and over the various stages and ages of your life?

Here and there – even when the only reason why is because I didn’t avoid (and hurt the feelings of someone I care about who is a picture hound) OR when, I was doing me and someone else thought it worthy of taking a pic of – whatevs –

With regard to the paranormal do you choose to not believe because there is nothing to believe or because you feel it is safer to not believe?

Well, this question is asked wonka-a-do – I believe in many things, others label as ‘paranormal’ – remains to be seen or known by myself or those who disagree with me – whether it is truly paranormal (beyond belief) OR if we both just are too young/ignorant to understand what is really taking place – – 😀

Are you a non-believer or a believer?

Either/Or, Both/And – depends on topic and facts, and possibilities – but at end of the day? “Does it add to or detract from living things surviving?” and when all else fails or seems to have failed? On many fronts?

Well – Faith and Hope sometimes ‘hold the line’ for just one more day – even when everything around one, seems to be screaming “Give UP! Surrender!”

How are you with meeting strangers/new people who might or could become new friends?

Fairly enthusiastic and willing to give it a go – the older I get? The quicker I walk away – when my enthusiasm over possibilities seems to not land right with others

Is there a process you adopt to identify if they are the right fit for you?

Um…I just go with the flow – often – for good or bad – at my best or maybe not at my best – either it works for others or we are both better off if we don’t pursue – it’s hard to describe – I do care – feel a duty and responsibility to my fellow living things (mankind, animals, plants) and yet??

I really don’t believe me or my ways is the answer for everythign single thing in need – always – there are options somewhere else that better meets needs than I will – thus – I rather show up, dive in, but, if not needed/wanted, or if showing up is making me question the purpose of my own existence or wanting to give up??

I re-assess and retreat, or walk away – or just sit on sidelines to observe, learn more – depends on where ‘they’ are at and where I’m at and is an ever changing landscape for me and many, every bloomin day, it seems – 😀


Um, yeah – the ‘info’ button has disappeared and I have no clue how many words this is – and until it is easy for me to check word count? Um, there is freedom and risk in just writing as I do – without the fail safe of quick/easy word count info – sigh – I’m so ever lovin tired of having ‘free’ in exchange for being the guinea pig to ‘test on’ but, it is what it is, now, isn’t it??? 😀

Stroke of Insight

Over 9 years ago, I wrote about having a stroke and what the first year and half, looked like it, afterwards – Why am I reblogging my own post??

Well – a woman younger than I, but around the same age as I was – when I had mine? Had a stroke a year ago – I’ve only talked to her twice since she had it – once after she ‘moved back home’ right after, and just again, this past week, in the local small-town grocery store –

I was flying by the seat of my pants – my mom was waiting in the car outside – needless to say – I had all the ‘vibrations’ of in a hurry – and no lingering around to ‘visit’ all about my physical being – but that gal, said, “I’m still struggling with my foot – see it?” (Yes, I noticed it the moment I saw her – that one foot is still rather turned inward and dragging along, meaning she stands and walks with a line that catches my eye…)

And then she said, “Can I ask you? How long before it gets better? How long did it take you??” – And sigh – I can tell her my story – but it most likely won’t be her story – not really – the brain is such a miraculous and funky thing – the various life experiences we each live through? Unique, in their own nuances, to each of us, and yet, also, experienced by all of us – sooner or later….

So I told her – ‘here’s what I had to do to walk with my right foot straight – I had to walk all while my brain was screaming at me that I was walking ‘wall-footed’ – I had to ignore my brain – Because if I walked in a way, my brain screamed at me ‘as wrong’ – I could look down, and see! my foot was pointed straight ahead – and I started paying better attention to when my knee, hip or back started hurting – after awhile? I didn’t even look down anymore – I just felt the higher up pain and started walking in way my own brain told me, was ‘messed up’ and after a year or so? No longer a problem and my brain adjusted to my new routine….

And then I told her, “keep a journal – or if you’re on social media? Write, share – the good days, the wins – the hard days – the days that feel like a set-back – cuz unless you notate it somewhere, somehow, that you can look back? You’ll forget your good days and step-by-step wins – and you’ll let the hard days, the set backs – overwhelm ya – –

Today? Good Day – had really yummy meal with my family, left my mom’s kitchen cleaned with quick warm meals for her – and was home by 3pm – Then I had the convos, the text shares, the phone calls, from many in ‘my sphere’ over – the stress of the holidays – what’s working/not working, why they are down, stressed or whatever – and me?? I said over and over, to many today –

“Okay – yup, that sucks, but what are ya gonna do? What resources to you have to deal with this? Who are the helpers in your life and who are those that hold ya back? Are ya gonna fight, for yourself, everyday, in big and small ways? Or are ya gonna just wait hoping Fate or someone shows up to ‘save ya’??

Yup, I’m that harsh with those I love – why? Cuz none of them are homeless, helpless or without resources of their own dreams, passions, will, resources – Because no amount of money can ever purchase their internal healing, in the heart – nor will wealth or a circle of friends ever save them from aging/dying someday –

And so, while I’ve struggled, me self, on many fronts – the past two years – today? I was reminded – ya know? we so often take ourselves off the field – or ask more of ourselves than in hopes that if we do – the Universe will somehow ‘give us a break’….

So easy to forget the wins, the good, the gains – step by step – UNLESS, we write it down, over and over – and sometimes? Flip through and re-read – check in on ourselves a year later – 5 years later, etc.

Robert Fulghum is right – there is this ‘something’ of each of us that is our saving grace or biggest foe – and well – no way to shove it into a spreadsheet – and society doesn’t value it the way it should be ‘valued’ for us, really – and yet – no matter how the numbers line up, or what the outside world chooses to ‘place a value’ upon us humans?

Our greatest value lies within our willingness to get up and try again – even if the deck seems stacked against us – or folks tell us we should be healed/over this by now? So very often – it feels like, to me?

Folks are getting destroyed from the outside in – instead of winning from the inside out –

Sigh – Just typing it out – cuz I’ve spent alot of time stressing over real/potential threats the past 2 years, even though, in the end?? None of that stuff has happened – at all – yet – And I got lost in the news, the things in need of being done to work toward better and yet, felt like not much changing in my life or for the lives of others – and so, tonight?

I thought about all the things I’ve reminded folks around me about their wins – when they seem to not remember them, or think it …what? egotistical?? To celebrate their ‘wins’ – or give someone else credit for THEIR wins??? (My mom made pumpkin pie, cornish game hens and delicious dinner rolls – but let the meal be over and her story?? “Well, you did it all – it was good! Thank you!) and I’m thinking….Um…NO!

You cooked part of the meal too – wore yourself out ‘cleaning’ your already clean house – etc…take some credit for yourself!

Then I walked through more correspondence of folks that the holidays just stress them out – and I ask questions – cuz to me? Last you told me about this saga, you were doing this, this and that – and now? Okay – so….you prepared for day – did what you signed up for – and now – what were the ‘wins’ of the day? Any?? IF you can’t see a single win?? at all?

Well – ya got your answer – give up or choose to not do this ever again – or write it down – “I cooked the whole meal and everyone had seconds – but I had to listen to everything I did being criticized during the meal…” or whatever – sigh –

And I’m reminded my role here on earth – part of my job?

Is to remind folks of their ‘wins’ or point them out – when they can’t see them – and well – um, yup, guess the universe reminded me – so I could remind others – 😀

Ahh – Thanks Universe! I NEEDED that kick in the pants!!! 😀

The Good, Bad and Ludicrous

In October of 2011, I had a stroke – thankfully, for me, I had read Jill Bolte Taylor’s book, “Stroke of Insight”, years before.   I encourage everyone to read Stroke of Insight. Though it landed in my hands from a friend who liked the positive spiritual message contained within the pages, it turned out to be a wonderful ‘how to recover from a stroke’ guide for me.

I’ve also recommended it to those whose loved one has had a stroke – there is so much caregivers can do to aide in the recovery.

In short, if you get a chance, Read It!


The day of my stroke, I awoke not feeling well.   I had started a new waitress job and was rather frazzled at the intensity of some of the days when I worked the place by myself.   I kept thinking, “I’m not up for this”, but continued…

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Let’s Talk Turkey….

Well…it’s ‘almost’ Turkey Day, here, in the country and society I live within, once more –

Always, year in, year out – things to be grateful for, things I wish to change –

Memories of the past and options for forging a better future for many –

Here, there and yonder –

But, well, this holiday is marked by one core theme:

“What am I Grateful For?/Can I safely say so outloud?”

And to me? In my understanding of such things?

That’s the beauty of this holiday as well as MANY other similar holidays celebrated year round, whether in my cultures, societies, fronts, where I feel comfortable or not – is one thing, to my mind…

“Can I really, be true to myself, while showing up for this???”

That’s it – sometimes I can – sometimes I cannot – just like everyone else – really…

Sometimes it’s all about me/my own challenges and sometimes?

It’s about others asking me to go on a route they have forged, that I truly can’t live with, really, by just blindly following –

Ahh – I do so HATE these moments in time when I have to say, “You’re going down a path I cannot follow you on – anymore – even though, I have fond memories of our past together….”

And I often argue with myself over the person I wish to be and the person I really ought to be, on many fronts –

I sometimes seek refuge in the saying,

“Not asking ya to do anything I ain’t willing to do to myself, first…”

But, well – sometimes we take oaths – not fully realizing when we must walk away from them – for our village, our perceived survival, etc.,

Simply because – even as we each change, so too, does the external world change around us…

And it sucks, personally, over and over – I really, have long thought, if I just talked turkey?

Often enough, loud enough? Transparently enough on when I changed my mind, my views or the views I held no longer adequately deals with or impacts the world around me, and a new way of moving forth is, to my mind, needed??

That might be enough

– but it is not – no fail safe/easy times for anyone, to my mind….

No talking someone out of their addiction, village or amazing fail safe grace they believe is there for them, always, sans them doing any self-work themselves –

And so, I guess, if I am to be grateful for anything this ‘holiday’ on a calendar thingee?

I’m Grateful to my Bloggy, Pen, Social Pals – different from me….

Those who are JUST Close enough to understand of what I speak of, yet far enough removed to not ‘take it personal’ when I just rail out and ‘talk turkey’ because I simply must or implode upon myself 😀

Ahhh – well – we all know I’ve been frustrated, down, depressed – since about mid-2020 , right???

We all, here, on my feed, know, I try to combat such feelings via ‘quick! do something for someone else!” and we all know how that portion of my ‘coping mechanism’ long relied upon, doesn’t, really, work anymore in the world of others – – not really – not in cyber land – as it has changed/morphed over time – not really –

But, today? I’m very grateful for those here, in this land, that just show up for the conversation, hear my heart, or listen to my woes, all while saying, “I’m sorry for your troubles, if you want anything of me, ask for it now….otherwise? Here’s how to find me and where I’m a traveling” or say, “Yeah! I hear ya! I don’t know what to do, but yes! I’ve wondered about that too!!!!”

and always – no matter how much I try to grow/reconcile my path within me?

I’m always grateful for those who manage to hear my heart, even when I’m not talking much ‘sense’ overall, in face of the rest of cyber land news fronts – 😀

Happy Talk Turkey Day!

I appreciate ya!

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