This past week – I wandered into bathroom to…well…use your imagination… it’s 10 a.m. and I’ve been slugging coffee for a good 4 hours or more…
There is a spider in the tub – not moving –
I actually ‘sit on the throne’ longer than need be, just to watch – – is ‘the spider’ moving? breathing? flinching?’
I confess to not being as freaked out over spiders that may/may not be Brown Recluse/Black Widows as I am over Garden Friendly, Small, Garter Snakes – Thus –
I make the command decision to not kill the spider in the tub first go round –
I don’t hear any vegans awarding me my gold star for overcoming my Neanderthal DNA ways….. (just saying…)
I’ve really been slugging the coffee down – -I’m in position to observe – seems spider has moved….slightly…or I could be blind… I’m open to that possibility… maybe it is already dead and I should just turn on water and wash him down the drain…
…On the other hand…maybe he stayed up all night and is just napping…
…Shouldn’t drown someone while they are napping, right?!?
That’s just not cool…
And 2 and/or 3 Hours Later…
“Check that out!”
Mr. Spider (yes, I’m convinced it was a Mr….I just felt uneasy addressing him as Miss Spider…) has slowly moved a 1/2 inch at a time, during the morning, to be on side of tub, nearest the, ahem…throne….
This may turn out badly…for me…
And, by late afternoon…
I visit to see if tub clear of potential murder charges, if I do weekly deep watering of houseplants…and…
No spider to be seen…anywhere…
OH MY! Where On EARTH did he go?!?
Into the drain for a sip of water?
What if I drown him while he is recovering from dehydration? He spent a long morning, afternoon, early evening sans coffee, water, water-wine, more liberally mixed water wine, albeit, still water strong enough to be hydrated…
The Examined Life is No Picnic….
Animal Spirit – Spider
“If spider shows up, it means – ……..
(Ahem, Full Disclosure – there were 4 other possible options to choose from, below 1 fits what I want to do…LOL)
“It’s time to write creatively without limits of tradition or habit, allowing yourself to be inspired by Nature.”
There ya go – blame Dr. Steven Farmer or the Spider – not my fault you clicked to read this…LOL
Oh…just in case you wondered – my Hallelujah in face of my broken heart showed up and reminded me, once again – why Broken Hallelujahs are rather, the best of the best, in the end – at least you know what your greatest strengths AND your greatest weaknesses are – 🙂
And, may I say? Broken you may deemed by others, but, to me?
More Life’s Joy to walk the path with, than those who don’t even have a clue what a Broken Hallelujah feels like…
You Bless My Life – Just by sharing the path you walk and listening to mine –
Yesterday evening, while secretly whining to myself over how miserable, sick and tired I was, I watched the movie, “Suffragette”.
It was HARD for me to watch…
Because I knew, in my heart, the things done to those in the movie have gone on in the past, and still happen today – not just to women, but for any group that wishes to have their own voice in making the laws they must abide with.
I have been, in my own lifetime, a ‘victim’ if you will, of such outdated thinking – 🙂 From both those who saw me as the enemy and those who thought I should have better protected myself from the enemy, cuz seriously, I should KNOW better…right?
Not EVERY single group, marching, protesting right now comprises “1/2 of the human population”
Sometimes, they are more than 1/2.
Sometimes, they are less than 1/2.
But I can’t help but Ask…and then remember….
the response to my 1990s query, “Why are they marching over Right to Life/Right to Choice? Why are they bombing/killing people?”
And the answer, simply, calmly given, was,
“Because those who believe in what they believe feel there is no way else their voice is heard and taken seriously.”
I think of this answer, as I read political, freedom, religious posts – as I watch movies made, based on real events –
We are all talking about what we’d each like to have happen, BUT, are any of us listening to what the other side is asking for in a ‘violent way’?
Are they violent simply because they are in minority and wrong OR simply because…the majority didn’t take the time to listen when asked nicely?
The end of this month is banned book month – for me?
The list of Banned/Challenged books over the decades shows, exactly, where our ‘past and next conversations take place on who we wish to be, as humans’
The news media is filled with shares from those wishing to shut down the conversation and those wishing to start or further the same conversation..
Some of the conversations have been going on for far too long, to my mind and we humans must be idiots if we haven’t resolved certain conversations by now – regardless of race, nationality, culture, religion, sex, etc. –
If you think ‘they’ are being destructive/fools, I only ask you to contemplate the question…
“Just why did THEY feel the need to go to such lengths to make their voice heard?”
Um…yeah, these are the ‘thinks’ I contemplate, when I’ve worn myself out and have little else I’m up to doing, except, learning about the past and hoping to the heavens, I don’t keep repeating it….
Life still hitting from all sides and, well, if SOMEONE had made a clip of the “I’m Still Okay” scene from “The Road to Eldorado” – I would’ve shared – alas, you’ll have to take my word for it.
I’m Alive, haven’t been stepped on by giant stone Jaguar that was brought to life by a power-hungry….
I logged in to share with you the beauty I saw driving home yesterday from a meeting, and why I remembered once again….
I may have spent 16 years living in the Mountains of Colorado but….
I’ll always be a Daughter of the Plains
Here’s how wonderfully green and lush everything is here, after the blessed and frequent moisture we’ve received this summer:
This reminds me of Augusts from my childhood.
Here’s what the tree-line of the ‘crick’ that used to flood annually, but not anymore, due to water conservation efforts made, in the 1950’s, looks like:
Those trees, along the horizon? They span the creek bed known as the “Big Sandy” – 🙂
So What does all this REALLY Mean?
We are blessed this year – I could show you pictures of my hailed out garden, that I planted even though I KNOW better than to do so, every year, before I FINALLY, (someday….) install my customized ‘plan’ for the super-duper hail buster gardening infrastructure – – 🙂
I could also post pics of all the weeds that have taken over a 3 ft span of the northwest corner –
The same species that will become ‘Tumbling Tumbleweeds’ and seed my place for centuries to come, should I fail to get ’em ripped out in time….
I choose to post neither –
Too sad, for one, and also,
I’m thinking winter is going to be a long, cold, wet, blizzardy one –
You heard it here, first…
….if I’m right.
Never said It…
…if I’m wrong
May I do a small, “Ahem” and observe?
“Good Enough for those who want to lead from any seat of power, big or small? Good enough for me. At the very least, I will show up and say,
Oh, that was soooo 2.5 seconds ago, before I learned about….
Yes, I thought that way, too, once – but decided it wasn’t working and decided to take (such and such) out for a spin…Better? Worse? Back to Ye Olde Drawing Board?
Based on My Gut-Feeling…
I’m busy researching rock wool, Roxul, vapor barrier, installation, how-to, etc. Because, I’m thinking maybe….
Should get the insulation job following the electrical job, actually done, before this winter, since I rather dropped the ball on “Git ‘Er Done” in 2016….
Yup…that’s what I tend to do….
Notice, I didn’t say ‘intend’ – 😀
I ‘intend’ to do a lot of things – but anymore?
In 2.5 second world?
I find myself vacillating between “I intend to…” and “Must tend to this now, before it gets out of hand…”
I will show you a pic from the 15 minutes I spent in my truck a month ago.
Returning to work at the library after doing Post Office run.
Waiting for the hail to slow enough, I figured, I might just make it from the truck to doorway without getting a concussion…coma….or DOS (dead-on-spot).
(Yes, yes, I shouldn’t have parked so far away – might I add? The first golfball sized nugget hit my truck hood as I was opening the door to get out – left a 2″+ dent AND bounced approximately 4 feet in the air so it could come back down, again, and leave another lil ding – – After seeing that, I figured retreat the better part of valor and what have ya…)
Yes, this is the 2017 hail that did it’s best to destroy (and, somewhat succeeded) the Lil Sweet Corn, Scarlett Runner Beans and All Squashes, Pumpkins, Melons.
The decorative gourds, planted on a whim, are doing fine.
The others? Maybe they will make it, maybe the won’t….
(Gourds. Ya can’t EAT them, can ya?!? If so, please send recipe…cuz I used ’em to fill in empty space….and I don’t have time to make cool, creative, fall ‘displays’ to impress the neighborhood with my creative, artsy-fartsy soul..)
On the other hand, the moisture and cooler weather means, (in face of fall forecast) – I MAY just get 3 or more harvests, this year, out of the rhubarb! If only I could live off rhubarb – – life would be so much easier – – 🙂
If you haven’t seen “The Road to Eldorado” featuring not one, but two, Kevins – You just are missing out…
I get emails and notifications that, in my harried mind, indicate, you are surviving, too… 🙂
I hope this post finds you ‘maintaining and/or thriving’ – if not?
Well, may you and I both, move onto Plan B (or L, or Z).
After a quick trip west to Colorado Springs today, for a friend’s birthday party, I started home, full of plans to arrive before evening and get a few remaining trees and perennials nestled into the ground.
The first Emergency Broadcast warning signal hit radio waves before I arrived at party – for the southeastern portion of the state.
Two hours later, as I headed the opposite direction, the tones rang again, this time for heavy rain, wind, hail and lightening for regions just south of me, from a storm moving in from the west/southwest.
As I drove ever eastward towards home, the beauty of Mother Nature’s canvas captivated me.
Amazingly, the camera was packed in the truck, and I made the command decision to engage in play, instead of hurrying home to work on Ye Olde Projects To-Do List.
Taking the ‘long way home’, I stopped here and there, to capture the skies and landscape.
I hope you enjoy this taste of the Plains of Colorado – for ya know, I think it is Heaven’s Place on Earth….
(Please forgive the little shares regarding my mind chatter as I moved through space and time, attempting to capture my love of where I live. The beauty without reminded me of my frustration within, over modern accepted norms that insist,
This is What IS!
I can only reply
Nope, not Really – THIS – Over Here! Is What it is really about….
Eastbound and Down…
Thank goodness it is the holiday weekend – and most travelers already at their western mountain destinations.
I confess to purely enjoying the relaxation from Intense Defensive Driving practices to avoid those speed demons, who quickly become impatient with campers pulling trailers full of toys, motor homes, farm or ranching equipment, making their way, slower than wished for, by so many.
I have often taken to the shoulder (and sometimes, the ditch) to avoid a head-on while the demons race around the slower paced folks in the years since I returned here.
I’m asked why I still gripe about this – it is how things are…and my reply is always the same –
But what IF the Hurry to Get There means, One Never Lives Long Enough to Arrive!?
And just how did we come to accept this racing from Point A to B as example of fine living?
Yes, yes, you’re right – I’m becoming an old fart.
One of the many little queries of Life I have that drives others insane over me and my view of all the possible answers –
But today, I was blessed with light traffic.
I could take my meandering time, without risking Life & Limb, to pull over and snap some pics of the amazing cloud formation of the storm moving in from the southeast…Overshadowed by the storm arriving from the west.
(The upper dark cloud layer is the first wave of the storm moving in from the west – the Towering white clouds with gray base is the storm from the southeast.)
Racing Against the Storm
As I moved ever eastward, I stopped to capture moments as the dark fury, lightening and rain nipped at my heels and the fluffy white & silver lining of hope morphed into the storm I was moseying over to meet –
From ridge far east of Colorado Springs, the western storm had moved far enough east enough for me to capture the profile of Pikes Peak. A view that was, a mere 15 miles earlier in the journey, veiled in the dark mist of moisture from the sky.
Gazing over the green landscape, and the view of the Peak, I thought of my farmer brother, who says,
It always rains – Usually two seconds before it’s too late.
Take Me Home, Country Roads
Tired of highway travel, I turned off onto the dirt roads of home, to meander my way through the landscape I grew up with and love.
A landscape that holds the new wind towers, still in controversy in our neck of the woods, along side the wind power innovations of the past.
I’ve often been surprised to view on computer screen, later, how many pictures I captured during a day of following those I serve, the innovations of the Past bumping up against the creations of Now.
Perhaps my Love of History heart rules where I choose to point the camera, without me knowing about it. It could and does, often happen – for us all.
Alas, the auto-settings camera usually focuses on one – making the other, blurry –
Just as if, digital cameras, too, can’t yet decide which time in space they want to live in, either…
Which makes me feel better about the whole conversation…
Here, I must pause in beauty and say, I was sorely disappointed in the many bloggers and pals I follow in the arenas of PermaCulture, Environment, Politics and such conversations.
For, in wake of the Paris Accord news item and U.S.A. leader choices, weeks ago….
Ever SO many of you Chose to list Cattle Ranchers as one of your Top 10 Bad Guys contributing to problems – many of which, have not chosen to publicly niche themselves as Vegans/Vegetarians – therefore, I was rather disappointed…
(Yes, I immediately wrote my spiel, it sits in ‘draft’ status, right now…but, thought I maybe ought to let it sit until I got cooled down over the points made by the commentators…)
“Disappointed” is not entirely true…
I was, in fact…
Mad enough to spit nails.
Here’s a glimpse of what Cattle Ranching looks like, here – true, I only need drive north towards the other great metropolis on the Front Range to see examples of feedlots where cattle eat from concrete trenchers and growing calves play King of the Hill on piles of feces, but I don’t count those things as end-all-reality – for, out here, they don’t exist .
(Don’t try to count from the road, while checking on the herd – they may be resting in sandy creek bed, or hiding in the grass of properly cared for land, all hidden from your roadside view –
Park the truck, get out on foot to walk the acres and make sure ya don’t have a mama or child in distress. That’s how it’s really done.)
Did you, seriously, just include my Neighbors in your “Top 10 Evils / In face of Paris Accord” post?
Okey-Dokey – If ever you make your way to my neighborhood, let me know –
You and I will take a drive and you can get a taste of some of the fine folks that earn a living, care about their herds, depend upon Mother Nature and give her a helping hand whenever they are called upon to care for and protect her creations.
They who run the gamut each season from Joy of New Life to Heartbreak over those times when Life is Hard –
But also know full well –
Should they break any of the ‘Universal Rules’ in order to turn a fast buck?
They will lose all they love,
…in a heart beat.
If You Persist in….
Lumping my neighbors in with Robber Baron types…
You and I will just step outside and discuss it – I may not win, to your mind, but you are sure as hell gonna know you was in a fight.
That’s all I have to say about that.
One more pic, taken a day or so, here, after the I had time to hear about the breaking news of the Paris Accord media blitz, and my temper was on a firestorm anger, while logically trying to understand any of it – proponents and detractors…
I shall now move back from my own demons of the mind, to the graciousness of the heavens and all they view on the ground, as they swiftly move over lesser mortals… 🙂
Sunset on the Plains
The blues, greens and purples were highlighted by the yellows, oranges and reds as the Sun gave her last fiery kiss goodnight.
Leaving us all with such hope and beauty, our journey through the dark is taken in trust – Trust we will once more be greeted and kissed Good Morning, in a moment.
Albeit, from the opposite horizon.
I think of these things as darkness envelopes the land. I travel not far in feeling from the time of my ancestors who waited for the promise of tomorrow, via the gift of light.
Happy Independence Day
I may not be self-sufficient or independent – I’m blessed to have neighbors who know my name and show up with what’s needed, when it’s needed as long as I’m attempting to pull me own weight.
I may sell hours of my being to earn my daily bread, and I may, when overwhelmed, chafe, against the chains that bind me to the expectations of our modern world and ‘stealing time’ to just be and enjoy.
Not certain when, if ever, this lifetime, I will reconcile in my soul, these two realities who live side by side.
But today, for a moment, I lived Free – free of the clock, free of demands, free of anything but enjoying the moment –
A moment in time, to truly embrace the abundance, grace, wealth and beauty of all that surrounds me.
No matter when you celebrate your Independence, I wish these things, for you, too.
After another fruitless search, to find what I wish to share with Son #2 on his upcoming birthday – I’m ready to put up the flares for “SOS” and hope one of my WordPress community-bloggy pals who are much better at searching Google than I am –
Your Mission – Should You Choose to Accept It…
(LOL – Sorry – couldn’t resist!)
In my childhood, Dad shared a story with me. I believe it was something he came across in a Reader’s Digest – but not certain on the publication…
A mother wrote a final letter to each of her three son’s before passing away – the gist of each stage of life was listed out, but I have no memory of details except, as follows:
Son #1 –
You were the child of our early years, when we were working to build a life…how full of hope we were, but we didn’t always have the time to play…
You arrived in our middle years – when we didn’t have to work so hard, but ……
You arrived when we had it good – and had plenty of time to play and enjoy you ….
She closed each letter to each son with (paraphrasing)
“A mother is not supposed to have favorites – Therefore, be kind to your brothers, look out for them and never let them know, I always loved you best.”
I told this story to each of my sons
So they would understand they each had different personalities/ways of being, etc., that I loved best – without making either of them feel like they had to live up to the other –
Would love to share the original copy with Son #2 on his upcoming birthday – but dang if I can find it – 🙂
Hi Son – been too busy living and working give into the darkness that strikes me every year, at this time – but as thunderstorm clouds approached from the west, this afternoon – I was carried back through time and realized, with a start –
You would be a whole, big, 27 years old tomorrow, had you lived.
Tonight, at this time, 27 years ago, I was walking the halls of Rip Griffin’s Truckstop, in Limon, Colorado – very pregnant and not willing to cower, hunched up, in ‘protected space’ from still raging weather and further threats of yet more tornados.
I grumpily informed those trying to keep me in protected spaces of my need to walk out the charley horses plaguing my legs –
I was most likely in early labor, to bring you forth, then, but what did I know, at such a young age? Did I ever tell you about Wade? He walked the glass window lined halls, with me, to keep me company. (or perhaps he was placed on ‘guard duty’ for the crazy pregnant lady….who knows, for sure?)
The drive over to work some hours earlier was fraught with driving rain/wind and poor road conditions.
When I finally reached the gateway to Limon and found it guarded by law enforcement, I was informed of the tornado that had wiped out downtown.
(Not completely true, but in the dark of the night, who could fully tell, in the dark?
The battery operated radio delivered the announcements proclaiming what was true less than a mile from my location and I had no way of knowing if really true or not – although I did laugh when one enthusiastic announcer said the ‘whole town’ was leveled – which I knew not to be true. Even two weeks later, when I visited to show you off to my friends and co-workers, downtown still looked and felt like a war zone.)
You arrived in my world on the tail winds of a massive summer storm – and left just as quickly in a whirlwind of events that I still pull out in attempt to fully understand how something so precious can disappear in a heart beat.
So Far, So Good, this season….
Not like 2 years ago, when your brother and I moved quickly to the cellar and waited for the sirens to quit blaring every 15 minutes or so….
Tornadoes & You –
So many springs have come and gone since that year you arrived, and those that have passed since you departed.
Except for the loss of you, Mother Nature and God have taken pretty good care of me, thus far – for didn’t I drive through the storm, somehow missing all of it to arrive in Limon, AFTER the full force of the storm reached out to touch the earth?
Was I not moved from the bedroom wiped out by huge tree, that just 3 nights before, I had slept in?
Have I not witnessed the fury over the years, without coming in harms way?
Have I not been blissfully unaware as the hand of the Grim Reaper lurked in the darkness around me, as I drove deserted highways, over the years?
Didn’t you, even while throwing words that hurt my mother’s heart, in your rebellious years, always have my total trust?
For you had the knack for being the devil who fought me tooth and nail when asked to help with dishes.
Then, turning angel, “Yum..cookies! Thank you for deciding to make umpteen dozens of them, today…”
As I try, heartily, to immerse myself in the joy and beauty of each spring, to find a way to separate the beauty, grace, and blessings of your arrival from the fury, destruction and havoc caused by the same arrival season of spring storms –
I cannot – for, in the deepest part of my soul, the wild energy, awe inspiring moments spent experiencing both them and you – well – to me, they feel the same.
Both joy and fear – wild elation at the raw, untamed power that sweeps through a life and yet, fear I might somehow miss one blessed moment contained in the darkest of times.
Here, Now –
We are getting along okay –
Your brother has one year of college under his belt, a good summer job (which he got by pounding the pavement and filling out applications on Monday after end of semester AND hired same day…so proud of him.) and is contemplating his options for service, on either domestic or world service.
And he, too, has been gone a year, from my everyday ability to hug, say I love you in person etc. Not a far away as you, but not daily, right near by.
Funny, how when I was pregnant and dreaming of each of you, the true weight of the day you would once again be gone on to your own adventures never really crossed my mind.
I miss you – I miss him.
For me, you two are the finest human beings it has ever been my pleasure to know. Simultaneously, you each are tough and compassionate…
…pull your own weight and know how to ask for help.
My Gemini twins, born 8 years & 3 days apart – with their Airy ways that, by turns, provided what was needed to keep the hearth of my soul burning bright and could also blow me right into the firestorm of temper.
You, who stood strong and fast, in face of storms, braved walking into high-heat embers, then cooled it all into oblivion by a simple word or gesture.
Missing you, both, sorely, tonight.
And now, since I took my sweet time writing to you, I can say,
Happy Birthday, babe.
LUBP (love you a bushel and a peck, and a hug around your neck…)