I can no longer in good conscience title my pieces “Confession of a Smoker” because I no longer see myself as a smoker. In the past month, I’ve smoked twice, by sharing a puff off a friend’s cigarette, just to remind myself, “Yup, it still tastes awful.”
I’m happily puffing away on a new e-juice that has a stronger mint kick than the juice I ordered previously. That seems to have quieted my urges for a ‘real cigarette’, as the mintier version takes care of my desire to feel the “throat hit” I experienced during my smoking days.
Still, I ordered the juice in full strength nicotine level. Since I’m pretty convinced I won’t smoke regular cigs as long as I have myself stocked with my new favorite form of nicotine, I’m content to let it ride for awhile. I’ve got other things going on right now that mean huge transitions in my own growth and I just really don’t feel like adding one more thing to the list of “adjustments to be made”.
Call me lazy, I call it “one thing at a time” living….or ten things…whatever the case may be.
I also gave up being so durned attached to VG (vegetable glycerin) only juices. Quite frankly because I know where it’s at if I want it, one or two bottles of juice with 20% PG is not going to kill me OR make a huge impact on the 850 billion barrels of oil we consume daily….(wait, let me double check that figure….oops, sorry, the figure is actually 1.1 million barrels every week for food related oil consumption in the US. See the scoop here. And don’t ask why I’m lumping my e-cig consumption in with food – okay, if you must know, I budgeted my cigarette purchases out of the grocery budget…)
I will point out an oddity I noticed – The pure VG juice seems to be pricier than VG/PG or PG only blends. Which begs the question, are we still building new parts of our society on the illusion of cheap oil? Question #2 is, if VG is pricier than PG based blends, then why is bio-diesel cheaper than regular? Inquiring minds want to know….
But I digress.
I’m just not certain how concerned I am with my nicotine habit. I’ve noticed that I still get tired and edgy at the end of the day, whether I’ve chain vaped or not. To my mind, this is due more to the fact that I don’t always rest and eat during the day like I should, rather than on how much I’ve vaped.
Since I’m still evolving in my own personal growth, my end of the day feeling is also directly related to how many mean and/or stupid people I encountered during my travels. (C’mon, at least I’m honest about it!)
I’ve also noticed that when I do want to vape, I can put it off for longer periods of time without the attendant emotional angst that used to show up. My thoughts now are, “Hey! I’m wanting to vape…oh well, I can in a little while…”
For me, this reaction is HUGE. I used to spend my work day swinging from “ahhh…had a smoke, ready to work” to “When the heck will things slow down enough for me to sneak away for a minute?” and finally, “Why is every mean and/or stupid person in the US of A coming to my office at this moment?” (See what happens when life is not going the way we want? Others immediately lose any grace or intelligence they used to possess….)
I’m much more laid back now. If I can vape, fine, if not, I’ll enjoy vaping on the drive home.
I’m not convinced all my bad habits were directly linked to nicotine, per se. I was aware of the possibility that all my character flaws were direct symptoms of me not getting my own way. I’m now even more convinced that theory has merit – see what vaping can do for you?
As I’ve said before, I really like the saying, “Moderation in all things.” I’ve also learned that in some circles, nicotine is used to treat various disorders in the human body and is considered a safe treatment option. I still get a smile out of the report that nicotine ingestion helps to alleviate the symptoms of schizophrenia and many with that imbalance self-medicate with cigarettes without even being aware that’s what they are doing.
Perhaps, I’m still keeping my schizophrenia under control.
I’m still of the mindset that when I do take the last step down to 0 nicotine, I most likely won’t vape. One indicator is the only e-juices I’ve tried are all versions to imitate menthol cigs. I don’t have the slightest interest in trying coffee, grape or apple pie flavored juices. I’m sure they’re great, just not my thing. One vendor sent me a free bubble-gum flavored, 0 nicotine cartridge as a “thank you for ordering” gift. I vaped it when I had run out of everything else and still hadn’t received my new order. Didn’t do the trick and was rather a frustrating experience for me. Although, in comparison, I guess it was less harmful to me than chewing bubble gum laced with aspartame….
Which reminds me, how come you can’t find gum with plain old organic raw sugar in it anymore? Even the health store only carries gum with Xylitol in it. Which is made from plant fibers (like corn), which made me wonder what’s the difference between corn syrup and xylitol? One is a demon the other a savior and they are extracted from corn….here’s the link if you want to read.
All in all, guess I’ve successfully transitioned from smoking to vaping, though I’m not quite done with nicotine yet. I’m still amazed by attitudes expressed by those non-smokers who witness you vaping and I’m still confused about why some addictions are socially acceptable and others are not.
Those addicted to feelings of power through verbal manipulation and verbal abuse have been fluttering on the edges of my world this past week.
Thank god I can easily move through it without needing a cigarette to get over the damage their addiction just caused my soft heart….
Until next time, from one addict to another (I assume you have some kind of addiction…most of us do, ya know.) tallyho – May your addictions be friends rather than foes.