Erv! Clean-up on Aisle 7!

What?  I wasn’t even near aisle 7!

Yes, there’s been a lot of changes here at BallyBin this past year – not that you would notice by viewing my way-outdated blog theme, or my less than spectacular landscaping/new perennial beds plan – looks like not much has changed, at all, cept my house being messier than usual – 🙂

But a lot of the tools I use (both in the physical world, cyber-work world and my own ‘lil inner world) have been so massively transformed, changed/revisited/re-affirmed/changed-my-mind – etc. on, Life has felt like one continual white water rafting excursion – or, like trying to ski in front of an avalanche?  who knows?

But that’s what this year has felt like – I knew I had to paddle, steer, hold on, stay afloat, learn to ski, or whatever, but somedays, my mantra has been,

“Umm.. Yeah… Can we pause for a commercial break?  Ya don’t have to stop, completely, but even if You could just slow down the time-frames – just a bit – preferably to 6 Million Dollar Man action-scene mode?  I’ll supply the sound effects, if you could just – pause or slo-mo for a minute or week or so – “

And, often these past 6 months, I’ve silently wondered…

“Now what?  Will it never end?”

Fortunately, I have some great folks who are great at providing optional stories for me to pick from (instead continuing to listen to my own whiny ones…) and they even run specials now and again –

Which is why, last December, I signed up to get my 2016 annual astrological forecast from Litebeing in January.

Which, was…

Fantabulous!

And during the past few weeks, I’ve edited, revised, trashed, restored, etc., the review I’m happy to provide, but still seeing how things are unfolding now that she showed me some other ways to look at the cycles I’m saying good-bye to – the ones coming up I didn’t even know I’d been preparing for –  yet, obviously, I have been, for, like, years now….

And so, because Clean-Up/Mop-Up operations are still in heavy duty mode, so I can focus on new adventures without tripping over my old to-do piles – had to give ya this intro – cuz next, I’ll be posting my initial thoughts on my reading, and most likely will revisit the topic now and then through the coming year – as it unfolds –

I promised her I would get ‘er done before March!  And she, the blessed, patient soul she is, has been understanding of my ‘want to ponder upon it a tad more’ phase – 🙂

So, Litebeing?  You’ll be receiving this little ping, and another one, too – But had to say –  the first thing that changed for me, after my reading, was I quit seeing as much chaos and started seeing,

“Hey!  Awesome, Look at how much has gotten done to pave the way for the next adventure!”

P.S. – I tackled the 3 foot stack of “to be filed” pile, first  – 🙂  My filing area looks pretty nifty now! 🙂  Thank You!

2014 Wrap-Up Blog Challenge – Present Your Gifts

Litebeing Chronicles has planned a month full of gifts via her 2014 Wrap-Up Blog Challenge – asking us to look back at 2014 and see what we were presented with – – since I tend to do this exercise each December anyways-

(remember? I list my accomplishments, back date it to January 1st and quickly, efficiently tuck another fulfilled New Year’s Resolution list away!)

and, since I enjoy reading the wrap-ups of others, figured I’d best be a part of it all! 🙂  Thanks litebeing for this wonderful idea!

There are still some dates left – visit 2014 Wrap-Up Blog Challenge to sign up!

What were the Gifts of 2014?

Which lessons did you learn?

Blimey! (is that even how you spell it?) there are so many to choose from – – I learned that by taking steps/actions to care for myself and protect myself, I actually ended up doing a ‘great favor’ for someone else – In July/August time frame, I was frantically busy getting a huge website done, working on extra projects at work and getting extra hours at the library – – I was starting to get overwhelmed and my health started to suffer.

One day, as a long-time volunteer and I were shelving books, I listened as she talked about the direction her life was taking, how’d she’d like to find work nearby, etc.  I, thinking purely of my own overload and how wonderful it would be to not be the only substitute available for call, encouraged her to put in her application to substitute.    And ran the idea by my boss – –

Why not?   Yes, it was a grand idea for me – but wasn’t she already doing the work?  Didn’t she say she’d like to find work locally?   Sounded like a win/win to me –

But honestly, though I was listening to her, liked her and her work ethic, in reality, I was thinking of numero uno when I suggested it – –

Then I got really sick, ended up giving my notice.  I worried somewhat about letting my co-workers down, but I had hit that momentum line in my small business where I could either work myself to death or pick one endeavor to follow – I picked my business.

Last week, I was in the library to research business tax law (yes – I can hear you yawning from here) – As I checked out my tomes and prepared to leave, she leaned over, grabbed my hand and said,

“Thank you so much for getting me this job.  You are the kindest, sweetest person I know and it’s all due to you that I have this job.”

I, surprised, stuttered out,

“It was your good work ethic and performance as a volunteer that got you the job.   But thank you.”

Lesson Learned?  For decades I’ve believed that if I just blindly followed what was best for me, I would leave a path of destruction 5 miles wide behind me – littered with the bodies of the innocent who foolishly got caught in the wake – Having been on the other end of the stick many a time when the actions of others jerked the rug out from under me – Turns out, maybe I don’t have to worry so much about what will happen if I’m good to me first.

Reminds me of a line from the Prayer of Jabez – “Lord, today, bless me first”

The author then clues you in to why – – “…so that I may go forth and help others.”

Oh and though I still haven’t gotten over my tendency to play down any compliment given to me, I did remember to say ‘thank you’ and almost, almost left it at that – – 🙂

How did you serve others?

I’m always trying to serve others – whether they want me to or not – – this is one of my flaws.  At work, always looking for a way to make their job easier.  As a friend, acquaintance, the person standing in line behind you at the store – I listen to your tale of woes, then respond with one of the following:

  1. Alrighty then, that’s horrible, but why don’t we make up a story that you can believe and serves you better – here, let me tell you one….
  2. You want me to go kick their arse?  Cuz sounds like someone needs to…
  3. What you need is (fill in the blank) – now, let’s go get that problem fixed
  4. Here, let me do that for you – it’s my special talent and you’ve got yours – quit wasting your time on this stuff when you could be off somewhere being brilliant at what you’re good at – – –

🙂  So, I’m trying to get better at serving myself, so I’m up to the task of serving others in a more balanced and helpful way.    I know this sounds highly arrogant, but truly, I’m definitely Ms. Fix-It and ya know what?  That’s not always a positive.

It means I often offer advice when someone just needed a friendly ear – – (yes, I’m a very good listener, but at the end of whatever spiel, I’m gung-ho and giving examples on what I did in a similar situation as an option for them to consider – in fact, even in face of my own promises to myself, I’ve once more engaged heavily in this kind of behavior the last 36 hours – but I’m told the dialogue is wanted, so, I continue on – – being me – – ).

It also means that I communicate to others believing they listen to me the same way – and become resentful when I’ve clearly asked for help, but no one realized it – – 🙂

So, I’m trying to back off on performing ‘unasked services’ for others, getting better at taking care of myself so I don’t have to ask for help and we’ll see what I have to say about it at next year’s wrap-up!

Here’s a quote from a counselor I worked with during my marriage –

“I hear that you think anticipating others’ needs is a way to love them and be a good person, but it’s also highly arrogant – can you let them be adults?  Can you wait for them to ask before helping?”

13 years and still trying to learn that lesson – – 🙂

What Blessings did you Receive?

Too many to count but here’s the highlights:

  • Work, glorious paid work and, for the most part, a body healed enough to perform it.
  • Friends have arrived in both physical and cyber form who are more in tune with the ‘me’ I am now – not the one I was before.
  • Some of my personal ‘fix me’ projects have been hugely beneficial to some relationships and allowed me to let go of ones that weren’t good for me.
  • A daily routine that allows me to spend more time on activities I enjoy and less time on ‘have to’s’ – which was my M.O. years ago, but financial fears drove me temporarily back to old, bad habits – fortunately, my body clued me in to the need for course corrections – – 🙂

Was there something you lost that turned out to be a blessing in disguise?

Until the ex announced he was dating again and planning on moving in with her next summer, I didn’t realize that at my core, I was still waiting for him to wake up from what I had dubbed his mid-life crisis and want us to be a family again.   Even while swearing I would never allow someone to hurt me like that again – turns out, if he had followed through on his words (which I thought were indicating a reunion, but in actuality were buttering me up to deliver the news)  I probably would have made the same mistake all over again.

So this summer, instead of years ago during my separation and divorce, I went through the grief stage over my failed marriage.  As I went through the process, different scenes played out from our time together and I realized – I had been lying to myself for a long, long time.

Like Scarlett, who took the perfect suit of a man and draped it over Ashley, I, too, had to admit to myself that the signs reading “Danger – won’t turn out good” had been there from the very start.   That I had believed love, support and a willingness to put my emotional needs to the side would make the space for him to heal his own hurts.

Still can’t see where I’ll ever think it wise or safe to date/have a relationship ever again (I didn’t heal that much this summer! 🙂 – on the other hand, think if the time ever comes, I’ll be less likely to wear rose-colored glasses –

Simply because, I threw them in the trash – – 🙂

Did you receive any “gifts” in terms of powers or skills?

Technically, I didn’t receive new ones, I’m just finally acknowledging what I do isn’t easy for everyone else.

I like to read, research, experiment – so to me, if someone is interested, can read and determined – they, too, can do what I do and much, much more….

Apparently not.   For some reason, my ‘view’ of the world allows me to see connections/big pictures that others don’t – sometimes, the connections/root causes I see/deduce can’t even be seen by others once I’ve explained it in full – because they are so focused on the details at one level, they have no room to shove in or decipher information from another slice of the universe – –

Which is good – because I hate to live in one slice of the Universe – – or on one level of a business – or be an expert in one field while letting a million other possibilities slip by the wayside – – I need people like them!

I value their expertise – the way they see things – I depend on them to tell me when I missing key information from that level of detail – but I always assumed that while I couldn’t do what they did, they, with time and effort, could do what I do.

Have had so many examples of why this isn’t true, for so many years, and yet, this year is the one when I finally ‘listened’ – – 🙂

So there you have it – examples for each….but you know what?   They all stem from the same root change in me – the bottom line that if I were truly ‘the kindest, sweetest person in the world’ I would have declared at the beginning of this post and saved you from reading all this – –

“I’m learning to value and take care of myself – without waiting for permission to do so from the external world and you know what?   The world is trucking right along, it hasn’t fallen apart and in many ways, is better because of it.”

Thank you for being a part of my journey this year – – I’ve enjoyed being a part of yours.

***********

Next up in the Present your Gifts Blog Challenge is Leigh!

Epic Awesomeness

Dear Cranky has nominated me for the Epic Awesomeness award – thank you so very much.   In order to keep from writing an Epic Novel (as I’ve done previously when so blessed by a nomination) I’m going to attempt short/sweet…okay, I’ll try to keep it under 2,000 words – –

epicallyawesomeaward

Cranky is really quite lovable when you get to know her.   She’s rather like the neighbor that yells at kids to put their coat on and keep off her lawn but always has the bowl full of king size candy bars at Halloween and winks and whispers, “Oh, take another – your mom won’t care.”

I’ve also been greatly gratified at all the wonderful bloggers I’ve found through the Cranky link -and who have chosen to visit me from her pages – so if you enjoy what you read here, you might want to visit her and click on those from her circle – it will be a fun journey, no doubt about it.

So here’s the 2, ” To-Do’s”  in order to display Epic Awesomeness

1. Tell 10 Epic/Awesome tales about yourself.

1. I once removed an air filter, shook out the weeds crammed into it while doing figure 8 donuts backwards in a front-wheel drive car in a pasture, (my own version of crop circles) poured water on it, shook it out again, re-installed it and made it back to town/mechanic – I only learned later you never, ever, ever, use water to flush out an air filter.  Worked for me and that, my friends, is why you never say never.

2. While dispatching for the State Patrol, I once said “Condom” over the open air waves – remind me to tell you the story sometime.

3. Was threatened with losing my FCC license when I was a midnight drive DJ,  because I aired a news story about a government mess up and then segued into a Restless Heart song by saying, “And here’s another ‘Tender Lie’ …”

4. I never once, in 15 years of restaurant work, spit upon or otherwise sullied anyone’s food.  I did, however, often use the walk-in freezer as my personal “cuss & scream” room.

5. I can’t sing my way through Country Bumpkin without getting choked up and/or crying.

6. I can sing “Bingo” in multiple music genres – classical, operetta, grunge, modern country, twangy country, hard rock, pop rock and rock ballad.  (You know, “there was a farmer had a dog…” )

7.  I love to sing, but still haven’t gotten up the nerve to do karaoke.

8. I once drove from Paducah, Kentucky to Limon, Colorado, straight through, by myself.   Apparently, every time I hit towns where I could stop for the night, the street lights woke me up and by the time I was half-way cross Kansas, it just seemed silly to waste money on a hotel room.  Oh, to be young again.

9. If I start writing first thing in the morning, I’m still in my t-shirt, sweats and hand-me-down sweatshirt when supper time comes around.

10. I was never Daddy’s Little Princess – I was too much of a tomboy and he was too practical –  but I’m my Father’s Daughter and he’s still my hero.  And the highest compliment ever paid to me for the effort of doing all the girl stuff you need to when dressing up for special events, a date or your wedding is still,  “You look real pretty, Sis.”  Apparently, my dates and husband didn’t understand just how much effort I had put into dressing up.  Dad did, because we only had one bathroom – – what a patient man…

2. Nominate 10 Epic/Awesome bloggers and let them know how Awesome they are.

My “Blogs that I follow” list has been growing by leaps and bounds – Here’s some new additions to my reader and I hope, yours:

There are days when all I want to do is look at the beautiful – for

that reason, I follow and nominate these for Epic Awesomeness…

DaVida Nature Photography –
This gal takes photography to a whole new level.   🙂  Always a soothing balm on my spirit whenever I visit her.

Dreamwalker’s Sanctuary
I really like her articles, but I have to confess, her blog design and artwork widgets are so wonderful, I would’ve have followed, whether I liked what she wrote or not.

The ART of Life
Upbeat philosophy coupled with beauty in all it’s forms – What’s not to like?

Wildersoul Colouring Book
Yay!  I can color again!  Where’s my crayolas?

Litebeing chronicles
While there’s always a story to go with, the pictures here just lift my spirit, all by themselves, AND then I get to be inspired by the words!

nwharrisbooks
While I really like the pictures here, you actually get some author/marketing advice to boot!  What a bargain!

Universal Cosmic Conscience
Visit, view and just feel the stress trickle out your toes…

Then there are days when I like to think I’m not the only one who sits around musing about life, myself and the world I inhabit –

Alohaleya
Fresh, honest and confiding, I like the musings and the accompanying photos.

Duck? Starfish? but …23
A treasure trove of a variety of topics and always enjoy my visits here.

Poetry – for some reason, I’ve been attracting and then visiting several poets –

Memoirs of a Dragon
Words that reach deep and illustrations that wow –

Some Call It Red
A dancer who also writes poetry – always good for a laugh to start your day off with.

Happy, Awesome Reading!